Shooting Life Dirty

50 Dreams Accomplished on My Way to 101 Dreams Come True

I am a perfectionist and I don't do failure well. I'm accustomed to winning, to succeeding, and to getting what I set out to achieve. The thought of failing, of doing something in a mediocre way, has a freezing effect on me. I've been experiencing this freezing, or block on a regular basis these days as I try to go for more in my life.

This Saturday I'm going after my Novice moves test in skating. This test is a huge jump from the last and I've been working hard since last December to achieve the level it will take in order to pass. Many elite skaters fail this test the first couple of tries. Up until this point, I've passed every test with higher marks than necessary and the judges have complimented me on my test. This time I'm unsure if I have what it takes and I've been thinking of ways out of taking the test for fear that not only will I not pass above, but that I will actually fail.

Last night, as I stood in a beautiful vineyard, my camera in hand, I found myself rather shy in front of my teacher. Many times I saw a shot that he also saw, and instead of getting down and into it, I walked away looking for something different. I didn't want to show him any of my shots. Yet when I looked at the pictures he'd taken there were some great ones but many were things he'd throw out. As he's been teaching me he's talked about shooting dirty, not trying to make a shot perfectly framed and lighted, but letting the blips in perfection create a natural beauty.

If I could find a way to stop worrying about perfection and let myself shoot life dirty, then maybe I wouldn't be stressed. If I stop caring about failing and decide that each try is a learning experience and enjoy the moment, then...well goodness there would be nothing left to worry about. So on this journey of pursuing my dreams, I'm going to try to shoot life a little dirty and stop trying to make everything live up to this perfection I believe I'm supposed to accomplish. Let's see if it works. Heck I figured out how not to spend so much time on the computer, how hard can this be?