Something Funny Happened on the Way to Failure

51 Dreams Left on My List of 101 Dreams Come True

I recently took my novice moves in the field test in figure skating. I had worked for seven months and in the final six weeks I pushed my body to the point of exhaustion. Though I skated well during the test, and was proud of my accomplishment, the judges gave me two tenths of a point lower than what I needed to pass. I had failed and in front of everyone.

The wind was taken from my sail. I was crushed and upset especially since I felt I deserved to pass. It had been my one chance to pass this set of moves before the entire system changed and now I had to learn all new criteria. All my hard work was for nothing. Plus, I had to face everyone and tell them I failed.

A funny thing happened when I told people I didn't pass. People congratulated me on my hard work and how much I had accomplished. They cheered me on and lifted me up. There was no pity for me and I wasn't embarrassed. It turned out, that failing wasn't so bad.

I've spent my life worried that if I failed in front of people that I would somehow be lessened. I put a tremendous amount of stress on each thing I've pursued for fear of failure. In some ways this pushes me to achieve a higher level, but it also causes anxiety and sometimes blocks me completely.


We place so much emphasis in our culture on final outcomes that many times we forget to pay attention to the journey along the way and all that we've gained. We fear failure, so many times we don't even start down the path we desire. But the truth is that the only way we can fail in life is if we never begin. We aren't always going to get what we believe we deserve. Hard work won't always be rewarded or even acknowledged, but if we look outside ourselves for that praise and reward we will always be doing things for the wrong reason.

I've also realized that when I put emphasis on a final outcome as the prize, I lose steam when it doesn't come the way I desired. I whine that I worked hard and I don't have anything left to keep going. This is when I take a break, dust myself off, and realize that life isn't about the end result - since the only end result to life is death - it really is about getting everything I can from the journey.

Shooting Life Dirty

50 Dreams Accomplished on My Way to 101 Dreams Come True

I am a perfectionist and I don't do failure well. I'm accustomed to winning, to succeeding, and to getting what I set out to achieve. The thought of failing, of doing something in a mediocre way, has a freezing effect on me. I've been experiencing this freezing, or block on a regular basis these days as I try to go for more in my life.

This Saturday I'm going after my Novice moves test in skating. This test is a huge jump from the last and I've been working hard since last December to achieve the level it will take in order to pass. Many elite skaters fail this test the first couple of tries. Up until this point, I've passed every test with higher marks than necessary and the judges have complimented me on my test. This time I'm unsure if I have what it takes and I've been thinking of ways out of taking the test for fear that not only will I not pass above, but that I will actually fail.

Last night, as I stood in a beautiful vineyard, my camera in hand, I found myself rather shy in front of my teacher. Many times I saw a shot that he also saw, and instead of getting down and into it, I walked away looking for something different. I didn't want to show him any of my shots. Yet when I looked at the pictures he'd taken there were some great ones but many were things he'd throw out. As he's been teaching me he's talked about shooting dirty, not trying to make a shot perfectly framed and lighted, but letting the blips in perfection create a natural beauty.

If I could find a way to stop worrying about perfection and let myself shoot life dirty, then maybe I wouldn't be stressed. If I stop caring about failing and decide that each try is a learning experience and enjoy the moment, then...well goodness there would be nothing left to worry about. So on this journey of pursuing my dreams, I'm going to try to shoot life a little dirty and stop trying to make everything live up to this perfection I believe I'm supposed to accomplish. Let's see if it works. Heck I figured out how not to spend so much time on the computer, how hard can this be?

Half Way

51 Dreams Left on My List of 101 Dreams Come True

So it happened, I hit number fifty on my list of dreams. I haven't had time to update the website, so look for the description in the coming weeks.

I wanted the halfway mark to be something symbolic I could carry for the rest of my life. I decided the dream that would most fit this purpose would be to buy a beautiful piece of jewelry for myself. This way, whenever I wore the piece it would remind me that I had the courage to break through doubt and fear to go after what I really desired.

This dream, like many others, came about in an unusual way - my house was broken into, all of my jewelry was stolen, and I had insurance money to go shopping. I replaced much of the costume pieces by having a jewelry party with my girls. My mother gave me pearls for my birthday, but I couldn't find the one piece that I would want to wear forever as a reminder.

Then two days ago, as I was running errands, I saw a jewelry store. I went inside, and the first ring I saw was the one. A diamond center, set in white gold it curves around my finger with tiny leaves and more diamonds. It's a one of a kind piece designed by the jeweler of the store.

The greatest part of this purchase was meeting the woman who sold it to me. She said that her motto was to never settle for less. That at one point she was about to marry a doctor who seemed perfect on paper, but she wondered if she could spend her life making the relationship fit. She decided to walk away. Four months later she met a man in Border's and though he seemed wonderful she wasn't ready to exchange numbers. Little did she know that she employed one of his students and that her employee would overhear his teacher talking about the woman he met at the bookstore. The young man told his teacher where this amazing woman worked and brought the two of them together. They've now been married seventeen years with two beautiful children.

When I look at my ring, I remember how I decided not to settle in life. With fifty dreams come true, I've changed who I am, how I look at the world, and have fallen in love with life and myself. I'm still a work in progress. Doubt still walks with me as I pursue the rest of my dreams. I'm taking a skating test next Saturday as I try to accomplish my dream of reaching Senior Moves in figure skating, and I've been in a bad mood as I contemplate failing. I'm also trying to achieve things in my career and before I've even begun I see the failure that could happen. My fears haven't happened. I could just as easily see my endeavors in a positive light, yet my mind chooses to see the worst case scenario. I'm unsure why I still do this after all the miracles that have come into my life. Hopefully, when I reach 101 Dreams Come True, I will finally put these nagging thoughts to rest.