815 Days to Complete 101 Dreams Come True
It's 3:40 p.m. on Friday and I will be leaving for London at exactly this time in three days. My bag is almost packed (though I need to lighten it by about four pounds). My trip is in order, and except for a few errands I'm ready to go.
Over the last few months I've gone through many emotions as I built the website, made my journey public, went through relationship chaos, and pushed myself beyond my fears. I'm still unsure if going away is the right thing to do. The practical side says the money could be better utilized or that this trip will cost too much. Part of me wants to stay safe, but I began this journey for a reason, to find a way to live life more fully and I can't do that if I deny what I really want. So in three days I begin this part of my journey.
Part of the reason I had doubts about this trip is because I decided to return to Italy. I've already checked this country off my list when I lived there for a month. There are many other dreams I wish to complete, and by repeating one I feel like I'm placing myself at a disadvantage to finish my list. Then I realized this journey isn't about checking items off a list. It's about learning what I love and what I dream about for this life of mine.
Italy was the greatest month of my life. I felt like my heart sprung open. I didn't stress. I lived every moment lost in sensations: the taste of amazing food; the way art could make me feel; how a countryside so beautiful could enliven my soul. For one month I spoiled myself to the max. There were no rules, no restrictions, and no one to care for but myself. More than that I found a place on this earth that seemed to fit me like a glove.
This journey of pursuing my dreams has awakened my mind to how beautiful life can be. I don't want each item on my list only once. I want them all for life. The fact that I get to experience Italy again makes me incredibly grateful that I made this list of dreams.
I hope I can inspire you as I travel for a month - I want you to be able to experience this journey with me. I just hope that I can do it justice.
Friday, March 12, 2010
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Embracing the Moment
817 Days to Complete 101 Dreams Come True
My trip is finally together. Except for six nights of hotel accommodations and my airport transfers everything is booked. The trip will cost me a bit more than I thought and I'm beginning to wonder why I'm going during the winter. I originally booked this trip in March so I could see the Northern lights and ski, but unfortunately I'm not going to Norway because the weather wouldn't cooperate. Nor am I skiing in the Alps. When I began booking the ski trip I realized it wasn't that important to me. Instead, returning to Italy and staying in a small village became my heart's desire. This journey is a taking a strange path. Who goes to Europe in March in the cold and the rain? And now I found out it will cost me over $150 to bring more than a tiny suitcase on the economy airline.
So with all this in mind I began to wonder if I made a big mistake. But one of my dreams is to trust in a higher power always and if this trip is the one that came together after hours of research and days of work, then for some reason I'm supposed to take it at this time. It's getting hard to trust as the Realtor tells me to drop the price on my house, the book deal doesn't go through, and I'm spending money to go to Europe in the winter, but I'm working on letting go and enjoying the moment.
The moment is really all we have. The future hasn't happened and worrying and living in fear doesn't help anything. The moment can be destroyed with thoughts such as I'm cold and its rainy and I've spent the money on this trip and it doesn't live up to the fantasy. Or it can be, it's rainy so I will spend time in a museum or at a cafe or pub talking with the locals. I can only bring a small amount of luggage so the trip will stink because I'll be doing laundry all the time, or I will be super careful with what I bring and have a easier time moving around with my luggage. Life really is the way we choose to look at it. We can complain about what we are unhappy about, or we can embrace the circumstances and see how life will unfold.
As my friend put it this weekend, "There is so much to be grateful for each day: a flower, the sky, hugs, books, love. It's easy to look at the bad, but just as easy to look at the good."
I'm now off to try and pack the tiniest suitcase ever and see if I can do it.
My trip is finally together. Except for six nights of hotel accommodations and my airport transfers everything is booked. The trip will cost me a bit more than I thought and I'm beginning to wonder why I'm going during the winter. I originally booked this trip in March so I could see the Northern lights and ski, but unfortunately I'm not going to Norway because the weather wouldn't cooperate. Nor am I skiing in the Alps. When I began booking the ski trip I realized it wasn't that important to me. Instead, returning to Italy and staying in a small village became my heart's desire. This journey is a taking a strange path. Who goes to Europe in March in the cold and the rain? And now I found out it will cost me over $150 to bring more than a tiny suitcase on the economy airline.
So with all this in mind I began to wonder if I made a big mistake. But one of my dreams is to trust in a higher power always and if this trip is the one that came together after hours of research and days of work, then for some reason I'm supposed to take it at this time. It's getting hard to trust as the Realtor tells me to drop the price on my house, the book deal doesn't go through, and I'm spending money to go to Europe in the winter, but I'm working on letting go and enjoying the moment.
The moment is really all we have. The future hasn't happened and worrying and living in fear doesn't help anything. The moment can be destroyed with thoughts such as I'm cold and its rainy and I've spent the money on this trip and it doesn't live up to the fantasy. Or it can be, it's rainy so I will spend time in a museum or at a cafe or pub talking with the locals. I can only bring a small amount of luggage so the trip will stink because I'll be doing laundry all the time, or I will be super careful with what I bring and have a easier time moving around with my luggage. Life really is the way we choose to look at it. We can complain about what we are unhappy about, or we can embrace the circumstances and see how life will unfold.
As my friend put it this weekend, "There is so much to be grateful for each day: a flower, the sky, hugs, books, love. It's easy to look at the bad, but just as easy to look at the good."
I'm now off to try and pack the tiniest suitcase ever and see if I can do it.
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Ready for a Reset
818 Day to Complete 101 Dreams Come True
In one week I will be landing in London. After hours of research I have my hotel reserved. I think maybe it's time for me to find a new way of booking travel. I've spent over fifty hours researching this trip and that doesn't include the days planning S. America. Many people can buy a guide book, reserve their first night's hotel and then wing it from there. I tried that once. I ended up in a brothel in Paris then in a gross youth hostel. When I'm with friends I don't mind winging it. It becomes part of the adventure. Maybe if I was in a different space, being loose about my plans would be okay, but I don't feel like winging things right now. I want to go and simply enjoy the places I'm visiting.
Part of the problem is that I have princess taste on a mid-range budget. So the extra research allows me to stay in places I know I will enjoy. Last night I spent four hours researching hotels online. You would not believe how many places in London are tiny, run-down, noisy, bed bug-ridden rooms at astronomical prices. But I found a clean, comfortable, hotel near Wembley with great reviews and I booked it for two hundred dollars less than advertised price by taking the risk and using hotwire.
I'm still a little overwhelmed by all I need to do before leaving. I have to book my flight to Italy and I'm finding the transfers between London airports are long and expensive and don't match up since I will be coming in from Glasgow the same day I will be leaving for Italy. I also have to book my nights in Scotland, but I might wing that part.
So between spending the last two months learning everything possible about web design, media kits, seo's, doing interviews for press, dealing with relationship issues, fighting the flu, skating my heart out, and putting my house on the market, I'm ready for a reset button. I know that at this moment I've done everything I can to guide my life in the direction I would like to see it go. Now all that is left to do (after the long to-do list I need to accomplish this week) is to let go and see what happens.
Last night I was exhausted and overwhelmed and it felt like the wrong time to take this trip. Then a friend reminded me that I'm going to have the time of my life. All I've been seeing is the work and the travel arrangements and in that I forgot how amazing it is that I get to travel. That's where the reset button comes in. In trying to share this experience with the world, and in the pursuit of an entire list of dreams I've forgotten that this journey is about living life to the fullest and loving it all the way. I think getting on the road and making my dreams come true will definitely reset my mind.
In one week I will be landing in London. After hours of research I have my hotel reserved. I think maybe it's time for me to find a new way of booking travel. I've spent over fifty hours researching this trip and that doesn't include the days planning S. America. Many people can buy a guide book, reserve their first night's hotel and then wing it from there. I tried that once. I ended up in a brothel in Paris then in a gross youth hostel. When I'm with friends I don't mind winging it. It becomes part of the adventure. Maybe if I was in a different space, being loose about my plans would be okay, but I don't feel like winging things right now. I want to go and simply enjoy the places I'm visiting.
Part of the problem is that I have princess taste on a mid-range budget. So the extra research allows me to stay in places I know I will enjoy. Last night I spent four hours researching hotels online. You would not believe how many places in London are tiny, run-down, noisy, bed bug-ridden rooms at astronomical prices. But I found a clean, comfortable, hotel near Wembley with great reviews and I booked it for two hundred dollars less than advertised price by taking the risk and using hotwire.
I'm still a little overwhelmed by all I need to do before leaving. I have to book my flight to Italy and I'm finding the transfers between London airports are long and expensive and don't match up since I will be coming in from Glasgow the same day I will be leaving for Italy. I also have to book my nights in Scotland, but I might wing that part.
So between spending the last two months learning everything possible about web design, media kits, seo's, doing interviews for press, dealing with relationship issues, fighting the flu, skating my heart out, and putting my house on the market, I'm ready for a reset button. I know that at this moment I've done everything I can to guide my life in the direction I would like to see it go. Now all that is left to do (after the long to-do list I need to accomplish this week) is to let go and see what happens.
Last night I was exhausted and overwhelmed and it felt like the wrong time to take this trip. Then a friend reminded me that I'm going to have the time of my life. All I've been seeing is the work and the travel arrangements and in that I forgot how amazing it is that I get to travel. That's where the reset button comes in. In trying to share this experience with the world, and in the pursuit of an entire list of dreams I've forgotten that this journey is about living life to the fullest and loving it all the way. I think getting on the road and making my dreams come true will definitely reset my mind.
Friday, March 5, 2010
Dream Trip Finally Came Together
822 Days to Complete 101 Dreams Come True
It's Friday and I would like to know where the week went. The good news is that my trip to Europe is finally coming together. Wednesday the trip looked dim. Nothing was working. I couldn't find places to stay except junky hotels and frustration had set in as days passed without any progress.
Then Wednesday night I found a week in Italy in a medieval manor for a few hundred dollars. I was ready to book, but felt I should hold off since I was still awaiting news from my timeshare about my exchange for Paris. By eleven at night I decided I couldn't wait any longer - it had been six weeks and I'd heard nothing. I went ahead to book Italy. As I was ready to confirm my reservation I briefly looked at another site to be certain I wanted the hotel and when I returned to finish my booking the week was gone. I spent two hours trying to get back the reservation. I couldn't believe that in the instance I looked away my week would be taken by someone else. It was.
Frustrated I thought it was time to give up. Thursday afternoon I received an email confirming my exchange to Paris for the exact dates I would've been in Italy. An hour later another week came available at the same resort in Italy this time in April ($400 instead of $148, but nicer weather). So now I have two weeks booked. One in Paris and one in a medieval town at the Palazzo Catalani. Both have kitchens so I can cook my own meals when I desire and feel more like a local. I've also booked a week in Scotland where I plan to stay in a castle one of the evenings and travel by car around the country. There's still a lot to do. I need to book my hotels in London, research where I want to go in Scotland, and I still need to book the ski vacation in the Alps and a flight to Rome, but I'm overjoyed and can't wait.
In one week I will be visiting Musee D'orsay in Paris, eating ricotta and pasta in Italy, seeing Les Miserables in London, seeing the Scotland countryside, and skiing in the Alps. Talk about a dream trip. I will be able to complete seven of my dreams, but I will have experiences beyond what I can put on a list.
How was I ever thinking of quitting when this is the reward.
It's Friday and I would like to know where the week went. The good news is that my trip to Europe is finally coming together. Wednesday the trip looked dim. Nothing was working. I couldn't find places to stay except junky hotels and frustration had set in as days passed without any progress.
Then Wednesday night I found a week in Italy in a medieval manor for a few hundred dollars. I was ready to book, but felt I should hold off since I was still awaiting news from my timeshare about my exchange for Paris. By eleven at night I decided I couldn't wait any longer - it had been six weeks and I'd heard nothing. I went ahead to book Italy. As I was ready to confirm my reservation I briefly looked at another site to be certain I wanted the hotel and when I returned to finish my booking the week was gone. I spent two hours trying to get back the reservation. I couldn't believe that in the instance I looked away my week would be taken by someone else. It was.
Frustrated I thought it was time to give up. Thursday afternoon I received an email confirming my exchange to Paris for the exact dates I would've been in Italy. An hour later another week came available at the same resort in Italy this time in April ($400 instead of $148, but nicer weather). So now I have two weeks booked. One in Paris and one in a medieval town at the Palazzo Catalani. Both have kitchens so I can cook my own meals when I desire and feel more like a local. I've also booked a week in Scotland where I plan to stay in a castle one of the evenings and travel by car around the country. There's still a lot to do. I need to book my hotels in London, research where I want to go in Scotland, and I still need to book the ski vacation in the Alps and a flight to Rome, but I'm overjoyed and can't wait.
In one week I will be visiting Musee D'orsay in Paris, eating ricotta and pasta in Italy, seeing Les Miserables in London, seeing the Scotland countryside, and skiing in the Alps. Talk about a dream trip. I will be able to complete seven of my dreams, but I will have experiences beyond what I can put on a list.
How was I ever thinking of quitting when this is the reward.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Forging Ahead - Not Looking Back
825 Days to Compete 101 Dreams Come True
Today I received an email from the man who sold me my car. He said, "I dedicate this day trip to you (first ride on a motorcycle), without your inspiration it would have never happened. Keep up the good work and good luck with your adventures."
I'm honored that he sent this and that he dedicated his first ride to me. As you know, if you've been reading this blog, last week I was ready to quit. After much soul searching, hours of meditation, and support from readers and those I love, I've realized many things.
The first being that I'm caught between staying where I am and forging forward to where I want to go. When I began this journey I had nothing: no stable home, no relationship, barely any friends, and no life to speak of. I was hurt, broken, and sad. Without anything to lose it was easy to go forward. In the months that followed I learned to salsa dance, went to Alaska, bought a home, met wonderful friends, fell in love, and created the life I'd always wanted. As I've been moving forward with the website and pursuing my dreams, in the back of my head I've been saying, "I want to go back to those first months after I created the list - that time felt good and safe."
I can't move ahead while I'm looking back. I've realized I have to make a choice. To move forward right now means taking tremendous risk. I don't have to do this. I can stay where I am: spend time with my friends, dance, get a part time job, live in my home, skate, be in love, and take a few trips a year. It doesn't mean I have to stop pursuing my dreams, it just means that I won't be striving to do them right now or taking the time to do the website.
Staying where I am, letting the website go, and relaxing has looked appealing. But this morning, while I was skating I realized this can't be my decision.
I'm a decent skater. I've achieved a level I never thought possible when I began the journey of making my childhood dream come true. I could stay at the level I've accomplished, win a few competitions, and just enjoy being on the ice each day. But I choose to push for more. Each day I strive to go faster, to push past my fears of getting hurt in order to skate at a higher level. I will fall many times. I will be exhausted, but with each goal I accomplish I feel pure joy. Today I saw how much I've improved in a few months by forging ahead.
Life isn't meant to be stagnant. As I've created this fight within my mind I've realized how tight I'm trying to hold to the past, but the past isn't opening its doors in the same way. I keep getting sick, friends have moved away, and honestly what once made me happy now feels redundant. When I began this journey I had nothing to lose and from that came a life I'd always wanted. Now, I have everything to lose. The stakes are higher, but I have even more to gain. I want the higher level. I want this journey to inspire others, like the man who went on his first motorcycle ride.
So I'm raising my glass to forging ahead and not looking back. My house is on the market, I've created a t-shirt store on the website in order to create revenue, and I'm going to Europe in a few weeks. I've done everything I can and now I'm opening up to the universe to say, "I let go and I have the courage to move forward."
Today I received an email from the man who sold me my car. He said, "I dedicate this day trip to you (first ride on a motorcycle), without your inspiration it would have never happened. Keep up the good work and good luck with your adventures."
I'm honored that he sent this and that he dedicated his first ride to me. As you know, if you've been reading this blog, last week I was ready to quit. After much soul searching, hours of meditation, and support from readers and those I love, I've realized many things.
The first being that I'm caught between staying where I am and forging forward to where I want to go. When I began this journey I had nothing: no stable home, no relationship, barely any friends, and no life to speak of. I was hurt, broken, and sad. Without anything to lose it was easy to go forward. In the months that followed I learned to salsa dance, went to Alaska, bought a home, met wonderful friends, fell in love, and created the life I'd always wanted. As I've been moving forward with the website and pursuing my dreams, in the back of my head I've been saying, "I want to go back to those first months after I created the list - that time felt good and safe."
I can't move ahead while I'm looking back. I've realized I have to make a choice. To move forward right now means taking tremendous risk. I don't have to do this. I can stay where I am: spend time with my friends, dance, get a part time job, live in my home, skate, be in love, and take a few trips a year. It doesn't mean I have to stop pursuing my dreams, it just means that I won't be striving to do them right now or taking the time to do the website.
Staying where I am, letting the website go, and relaxing has looked appealing. But this morning, while I was skating I realized this can't be my decision.
I'm a decent skater. I've achieved a level I never thought possible when I began the journey of making my childhood dream come true. I could stay at the level I've accomplished, win a few competitions, and just enjoy being on the ice each day. But I choose to push for more. Each day I strive to go faster, to push past my fears of getting hurt in order to skate at a higher level. I will fall many times. I will be exhausted, but with each goal I accomplish I feel pure joy. Today I saw how much I've improved in a few months by forging ahead.
Life isn't meant to be stagnant. As I've created this fight within my mind I've realized how tight I'm trying to hold to the past, but the past isn't opening its doors in the same way. I keep getting sick, friends have moved away, and honestly what once made me happy now feels redundant. When I began this journey I had nothing to lose and from that came a life I'd always wanted. Now, I have everything to lose. The stakes are higher, but I have even more to gain. I want the higher level. I want this journey to inspire others, like the man who went on his first motorcycle ride.
So I'm raising my glass to forging ahead and not looking back. My house is on the market, I've created a t-shirt store on the website in order to create revenue, and I'm going to Europe in a few weeks. I've done everything I can and now I'm opening up to the universe to say, "I let go and I have the courage to move forward."
Thursday, February 25, 2010
A Mother's Love
830 Days to Complete 101 Dreams Come True
Thank you to everyone who has written to me about my last post - you know the one where I wanted to quit. The feeling hasn't passed yet, but I'm working on it. I still have the flu (my sixth round with it this season), and the consensus of my doctor and friends is that I need to rest in order to get healthy. Ah, yes rest. I'm sure down the road there will be time for this, but at the moment there isn't. I've decided to put my house on the market and I've spent the last two nights painting only to have to start over again. Valspur paint stinks. It streaked and didn't dry evenly so my bathroom walls look horrible.
I don't mind hard work. I cherish it. Pushing for something I want excites me and the rewards mean more when I've accomplished what I set out to do. What kicks my spirit down is when I work this hard and push to the max only to have to start over again. Today it's the painting the other day it was my life.
I told my mom how much I wanted to quit. I explained how tired and stressed I've been lately and that I don't feel I have the strength to keep going. I talked with her about returning to an easier life. My mother has watched me push since I was a kid. Fear has held her hostage as I traveled solo throughout the world and participated in crazy sports. I know she wants grandchildren and to see me married and settled-down. Her heart longs for me to move back to Boston. Last night she had one response, "Don't settle. You won't be happy."
When I hung up I thought about Eckhart Tolle's words in A New Earth, "This too shall pass." This feeling I'm experiencing is only temporary. This is the moment where it would be easy to quit. It's when most people do back down. I have no idea if I can do this. I feel like I'm at the mercy of the Gods, but I'm going to give it everything I have. Which today means standing up in this sick body, painting, planning my trip, cleaning my house, creating the t-shirts that will be sold for charity on the website, and a million other things that need to get done. Wish me luck.
Thank you to everyone who has written to me about my last post - you know the one where I wanted to quit. The feeling hasn't passed yet, but I'm working on it. I still have the flu (my sixth round with it this season), and the consensus of my doctor and friends is that I need to rest in order to get healthy. Ah, yes rest. I'm sure down the road there will be time for this, but at the moment there isn't. I've decided to put my house on the market and I've spent the last two nights painting only to have to start over again. Valspur paint stinks. It streaked and didn't dry evenly so my bathroom walls look horrible.
I don't mind hard work. I cherish it. Pushing for something I want excites me and the rewards mean more when I've accomplished what I set out to do. What kicks my spirit down is when I work this hard and push to the max only to have to start over again. Today it's the painting the other day it was my life.
I told my mom how much I wanted to quit. I explained how tired and stressed I've been lately and that I don't feel I have the strength to keep going. I talked with her about returning to an easier life. My mother has watched me push since I was a kid. Fear has held her hostage as I traveled solo throughout the world and participated in crazy sports. I know she wants grandchildren and to see me married and settled-down. Her heart longs for me to move back to Boston. Last night she had one response, "Don't settle. You won't be happy."
When I hung up I thought about Eckhart Tolle's words in A New Earth, "This too shall pass." This feeling I'm experiencing is only temporary. This is the moment where it would be easy to quit. It's when most people do back down. I have no idea if I can do this. I feel like I'm at the mercy of the Gods, but I'm going to give it everything I have. Which today means standing up in this sick body, painting, planning my trip, cleaning my house, creating the t-shirts that will be sold for charity on the website, and a million other things that need to get done. Wish me luck.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Maybe I Should Quit
832 Days to Complete 101 Dreams Come True
Today I want to quit. I want to retreat and forget about this list. I want to return to a normal life, get a regular job and stop shooting for the stars.
I feel like a failure in so many aspects of my life. I worked so hard on a fiction novel, attained agent representation only to have the book stalled with the editors for almost a year now. I gave everything I had to a relationship for a year only to have it fall apart. I'm watching my savings deplete as I create this website to inspire others to attain their dreams while I pursue mine, and I'm not sure I can do this.
I know if I do quit, if I stop going after my dreams, I can have a normal, safe life. I can get a regular job, keep my savings, live in the home that I own outright, and the person I love will no longer be threatened by my life. In fact, I could have my choice of men to be in a relationship with if I'm just willing to be more normal. Instead of every day striving for more, moving past my fears, and taking risks, I could simply live. And it would be a good life: romantic dinners; pancakes on Sunday night while curled up watching a movie; salsa dancing once in awhile; skating; and someone who I fall asleep and wake up next to every day who loves me along with the chance for children. Right now that sounds really nice.
A friend said to me that she asked a number of men in her life if they could handle being with someone like me. All of them said, "no". The men agreed that they wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone who travels alone for such long periods of time or that had so much attention because she lights up a room. My friend said, "I think maybe you're meant to be alone with wonderful people who surround you, but you're too independent to be part of a relationship. No man is secure enough to be with you." My male friends tend to agree with this idea.
On top of this, I've realized that if I want to continue going after my dreams, I have to consider selling my house. I can make a profit right now, and if I pick up another house and fix it up over the course of the year it will give me the time and financial backing to continue going after my dreams. Of course there is no guarantee that my house will sell for the price I need nor will I definitely find another house to buy. It means packing and being uprooted once again. And I will have to do all of this by the end of April. But I leave in three weeks to go to Europe by myself and I still have nothing planned.
I want to quit so badly and be safe, but I can't. I know me. I will regret if I retreat. I want to see the Mountain Gorillas. I want to raft and kayak the Futaleufu. The greatest moments of my life have been when I've achieved my dreams.
I guess if this journey was easy everyone would do it. So instead of retreating, I'm going to pick myself up, go to Lowe's and buy the materials I need to finish the renovation on my house. Then tomorrow I will call the Realtor and put my house on the market. One of my dreams is to trust in God always. At this moment that trust is really being put to the test.
Today I want to quit. I want to retreat and forget about this list. I want to return to a normal life, get a regular job and stop shooting for the stars.
I feel like a failure in so many aspects of my life. I worked so hard on a fiction novel, attained agent representation only to have the book stalled with the editors for almost a year now. I gave everything I had to a relationship for a year only to have it fall apart. I'm watching my savings deplete as I create this website to inspire others to attain their dreams while I pursue mine, and I'm not sure I can do this.
I know if I do quit, if I stop going after my dreams, I can have a normal, safe life. I can get a regular job, keep my savings, live in the home that I own outright, and the person I love will no longer be threatened by my life. In fact, I could have my choice of men to be in a relationship with if I'm just willing to be more normal. Instead of every day striving for more, moving past my fears, and taking risks, I could simply live. And it would be a good life: romantic dinners; pancakes on Sunday night while curled up watching a movie; salsa dancing once in awhile; skating; and someone who I fall asleep and wake up next to every day who loves me along with the chance for children. Right now that sounds really nice.
A friend said to me that she asked a number of men in her life if they could handle being with someone like me. All of them said, "no". The men agreed that they wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone who travels alone for such long periods of time or that had so much attention because she lights up a room. My friend said, "I think maybe you're meant to be alone with wonderful people who surround you, but you're too independent to be part of a relationship. No man is secure enough to be with you." My male friends tend to agree with this idea.
On top of this, I've realized that if I want to continue going after my dreams, I have to consider selling my house. I can make a profit right now, and if I pick up another house and fix it up over the course of the year it will give me the time and financial backing to continue going after my dreams. Of course there is no guarantee that my house will sell for the price I need nor will I definitely find another house to buy. It means packing and being uprooted once again. And I will have to do all of this by the end of April. But I leave in three weeks to go to Europe by myself and I still have nothing planned.
I want to quit so badly and be safe, but I can't. I know me. I will regret if I retreat. I want to see the Mountain Gorillas. I want to raft and kayak the Futaleufu. The greatest moments of my life have been when I've achieved my dreams.
I guess if this journey was easy everyone would do it. So instead of retreating, I'm going to pick myself up, go to Lowe's and buy the materials I need to finish the renovation on my house. Then tomorrow I will call the Realtor and put my house on the market. One of my dreams is to trust in God always. At this moment that trust is really being put to the test.
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