It's Not About Checking Off a List, but Living It

815 Days to Complete 101 Dreams Come True

It's 3:40 p.m. on Friday and I will be leaving for London at exactly this time in three days. My bag is almost packed (though I need to lighten it by about four pounds). My trip is in order, and except for a few errands I'm ready to go.

Over the last few months I've gone through many emotions as I built the website, made my journey public, went through relationship chaos, and pushed myself beyond my fears. I'm still unsure if going away is the right thing to do. The practical side says the money could be better utilized or that this trip will cost too much. Part of me wants to stay safe, but I began this journey for a reason, to find a way to live life more fully and I can't do that if I deny what I really want. So in three days I begin this part of my journey.

Part of the reason I had doubts about this trip is because I decided to return to Italy. I've already checked this country off my list when I lived there for a month. There are many other dreams I wish to complete, and by repeating one I feel like I'm placing myself at a disadvantage to finish my list. Then I realized  this journey isn't about checking items off a list. It's about learning what I love and what I dream about for this life of mine.

Italy was the greatest month of my life. I felt like my heart sprung open. I didn't stress. I lived every moment lost in sensations: the taste of amazing food; the way art could make me feel; how a countryside so beautiful could enliven my soul. For one month I spoiled myself to the max. There were no rules, no restrictions, and no one to care for but myself. More than that I found a place on this earth that seemed to fit me like a glove.

This journey of pursuing my dreams has awakened my mind to how beautiful life can be. I don't want each item on my list only once. I want them all for life. The fact that I get to experience Italy again makes me incredibly grateful that I made this list of dreams.

I hope I can inspire you as I travel for a month - I want you to be able to experience this journey with me. I just hope that I can do it justice.

Forging Ahead - Not Looking Back

825 Days to Compete 101 Dreams Come True

Today I received an email from the man who sold me my car. He said, "I dedicate this day trip to you (first ride on a motorcycle), without your inspiration it would have never happened. Keep up the good work and good luck with your adventures."

I'm honored that he sent this and that he dedicated his first ride to me. As you know, if you've been reading this blog, last week I was ready to quit. After much soul searching, hours of meditation, and support from readers and those I love, I've realized many things.

The first being that I'm caught between staying where I am and forging forward to where I want to go. When I began this journey I had nothing: no stable home, no relationship, barely any friends, and no life to speak of. I was hurt, broken, and sad. Without anything to lose it was easy to go forward. In the months that followed I learned to salsa dance, went to Alaska, bought a home, met wonderful friends, fell in love, and created the life I'd always wanted. As I've been moving forward with the website and pursuing my dreams, in the back of my head I've been saying, "I want to go back to those first months after I created the list - that time felt good and safe."

I can't move ahead while I'm looking back. I've realized I have to make a choice. To move forward right now means taking tremendous risk. I don't have to do this. I can stay where I am: spend time with my friends, dance, get a part time job, live in my home, skate, be in love, and take a few trips a year. It doesn't mean I have to stop pursuing my dreams, it just means that I won't be striving to do them right now or taking the time to do the website.

Staying where I am, letting the website go, and relaxing has looked appealing. But this morning, while I was skating I realized this can't be my decision.

I'm a decent skater. I've achieved a level I never thought possible when I began the journey of making my childhood dream come true. I could stay at the level I've accomplished, win a few competitions, and just enjoy being on the ice each day. But I choose to push for more. Each day I strive to go faster, to push past my fears of getting hurt in order to skate at a higher level. I will fall many times. I will be exhausted, but with each goal I accomplish I feel pure joy. Today I saw how much I've improved in a few months by forging ahead.

Life isn't meant to be stagnant. As I've created this fight within my mind I've realized how tight I'm trying to hold to the past, but the past isn't opening its doors in the same way. I keep getting sick, friends have moved away, and honestly what once made me happy now feels redundant. When I began this journey I had nothing to lose and from that came a life I'd always wanted. Now, I have everything to lose. The stakes are higher, but I have even more to gain. I want the higher level. I want this journey to inspire others, like the man who went on his first motorcycle ride.

So I'm raising my glass to forging ahead and not looking back. My house is on the market, I've created a t-shirt store on the website in order to create revenue, and I'm going to Europe in a few weeks.  I've done everything I can and now I'm opening up to the universe to say, "I let go and I have the courage to move forward."