Being Enough

47 Dreams Left on the Way to Completing 101 Dreams Come True

For the last two weeks,  I've spent many hours in front of my computer going after my biggest dream - to have my fiction novel published. Though I finished the novel and have an amazing agent who loves the story, the novel has yet to see a publishing deal. My agent and I decided we needed to find ways to improve the story. So for the last two weeks, I re-entered the world of my characters and lived their lives, bringing some changes to how they saw the world.

While I was writing the novel, I lived in fear: would I be enough; did I have the talent; could I make it perfect; would this be my last chance? I realized that the dreams that are the most difficult to go after are the ones that take persistence and that will challenge me for years. It's not hard to get on a plane and go to another country anymore. It takes money and planning, but it's something that I've become comfortable doing. Jumping out of airplanes, or hang gliding, is an adrenaline rush that pushes my fear button, but once again I know I'm going to love the moment.

This morning I realized that the dreams that make me doubt myself are the ones that take courage to continue when there's no instant gratification. I have no idea if my novel will be published. My dream to complete my senior moves in figure skating will take years of dedication and hard work; I wonder if I will have the stamina to keep going through injuries, failures, and exhaustion. And the dream to say how I feel without need or expectation is not an easy one for me.

Last Sunday, I sank to my knees and cried my heart out. The pressure I had put on myself had become so intense that I felt wasted and drained. I wasn't a good enough writer and I couldn't make the story what I desired it to be. I hadn't skated much in the past month, how would I ever complete my dream of passing the tests. I needed to tell a coach that I needed someone different, but I was afraid of the consequences of hurting her so I was willing to stay where I was. I looked at the constant risk of going after my dreams and thought, this is kicking my butt.

On Friday, for better or worse, I turned in my novel to my agent. I spent the weekend celebrating the accomplishment. Then yesterday, I returned to the mindset of reaching for my goals and making lists of what needed to be done. Then my pastor said something I needed to hear, "You are already enough. Go sit in the sun and think of the sun as love. You don't have to be anything to receive sunlight. You don't have to be different or better, you just have to be who you are."

I realized that in my passion to complete my dreams and achieve my goals, I'm so afraid that I won't be enough, or that I'm taking the wrong path, that I feel like I must forge ahead without stopping. But it's when I play, let go, enjoy what I'm doing or what I'm working on, that life is sweeter.

I will always embrace challenges. It's a high to be extreme and push myself to the brink, but every once in awhile I need to step back and say, "I don't need to be more right now, I'm enough."

A Vision of Feminism

48 Dreams Left on My Way to Completing 101 Dreams Come True
www.101dreamscometrue.com

Jennifer Sleeman, an 80-year-old woman, from Ireland asked the faithful women of her country to boycott Sunday Mass on September 26, 2010.  She wanted “to let the Vatican and the Irish church know that women are tired of being treated as second-class citizens." Her call moved beyond her own country to a worldwide cry for women to stay at home and pray for change. She claimed that women were the majority of the church and that together they had the strength to tell the patriarchal heir achy that the power of the pews comes from women.

My Pastor was upset when he heard that women of his parish were considering walking out on September 26th. Our church is an open, loving community, where all people are accepted and treated equal. I could see why Father Anthony might be hurt when I told him that women, even in his parish, were angry, but he listened as I spoke. I told him that as women we are taught from an early age that we are second class and that the men of biblical times were important while the women were mainly whores, crazy, or simply unimportant. There are scriptures about women, but few are read during mass that give women a sense of pride. During mass on September 26th, he acknowledged the women of our church and the important role we play so that healing could begin. It was a step towards change with a long journey ahead.

I was born a feminist. By the age of five, I'd decided I'd never take a man's name. I didn't understand why I wasn't allowed to become a priest or even an altar girl. I wanted to know why professional sports were all about men. I was angry whenever I was told that I was a pretty girl and should marry rich. Even the women in my life, who always told me I could do anything, still instilled the idea that I needed to know how to cook and clean to be a proper wife someday.

As I grew into a young woman, I encountered feminist who ridiculed me for how I dressed and lived. They felt because I wore high heels, make-up, feminine dresses, and allowed men to open doors for me, that somehow I lessened the female gender. I disagreed.

There is a power in being a woman. It has nothing to do with hair color or breast size. It comes from the softness of being feminine, and within that softness is a power equal to, if not stronger than, the warrior spirit of a man. A man becomes speechless at the sight of a confident, sexy woman, who knows who she is. When that same woman looks at a man with love and the need to be loved, his heart belongs to her. Since the beginning of time men's Achilles heels have been women and the fear of women's power caused femininity to be suppressed.

Somehow in our need to find equality, women haven't turned to this power, instead they've tried to become more like warrior men. I think this has left many men wondering who they are supposed to be in relationships, in the work place, and in life. They've been asked to be softer, more emotional, and many are unsure if they are supposed to open a door for a lady and pay for dinner or if they are insulting the woman when they do so. It has created a generation of lost gender identities and many men have become what my friend calls, 'flow boys', I'll go with whatever you want me to be. A therapist once told me, "We are trying so hard to build our girls that we are burying our men." This leads to women being frustrated, men being lost, and no one being able to be who they really are. In our search for equality as women, we've somehow decided that men need to be less or different. How is this any better?

I was speaking to my friend Jane from Midlifeblogger, and she said, "The definition of feminism, is that women should be able to be whatever they need to be without judgment while being treated equal to their male counters. If a woman wants to stay home and raise her babies she can still be a feminist." Then she added, "You my dear, are the face of the new feminism. You can be independent, travel the world, like who you are, speak your mind, and still allow yourself to be a feminine, soft spirit."

The more I go after my dreams and seek a life where I believe I can have it all, the more comfortable I become with who I am. I've come to realize that I love being a woman and as I embrace my femininity, my softer side, I feel more power in who I am.

For many years, men have dominated. There are women who believe that it is our time to be on top and that men should be lessened in order for balance. In truth, women aren't conquerors and to become like men would only create more masculine imbalance. In our softness we need to see, that it is in accepting one another for the true spirits we are that we can find balance, equality, and happiness.

Let There Be Peace

48 Dreams Left on the Way to Completing 101 Dreams Come True

On September 11, 2010,  I stood at the Sacramento Cathedral steps, the setting sun illuminating the church spires in pink, as white doves were released over the crowd. A soft song of "Let There Be Peace On Earth" was sung, as one by one, people placed roses on the Quran in blessing. Religious leaders from the Bahia, Jewish, Muslim, Catholic, Spiritual Life, Hindu, and different Christian religions read passages of peace from the Quran. The crowd was just as diverse, coming together in the understanding if we're to have peace on earth then prejudice must come to an end.

The ceremony was an attempt to heal the hurt caused by a man in Florida who called for the Quran to be burned. As I looked around the crowd, who stood together in a vision of a world united by differences instead of disgraced by ignorance, I was surrounded by hope.

When I made my list of 101 Dreams Come True, I wrote that I wanted to bring all faiths together in an open discussion for understanding. At the time, I wasn't part of organized religion but had my own spirituality that I hold to this day (though I'm now part of a Franciscan church). I didn't have contact with any Muslims, so my only knowledge of the Islamic faith was what I'd seen on newscasts, movies, and what I'd heard from other people. If I'm completely honest, I had prejudice towards many organized faiths (Catholicism being one) that I hadn't recognized.

But as I've searched for ways to make this dream come true of bringing faiths together, I've become part of the Interfaith Service Bureau of Sacramento that's opened my heart and mind to many religions: I've shared Ramadan in my Catholic Church; gone to Iftar at the SALAM center; prayed with Muslims in a mosque; taken a class on Monotheism led by Christian leaders, Rabbis, and an Imam; meditated with Unitarians; done Yoga with Hindus; walked through Potala Palace with a Buddhist monk; attended Non-denominational services; and have become an active member of my church. As I've studied faith, I've realized that all religions are based on the same ideals: a higher power; love; treating others better than we expect to be treated; and that humans so often get it wrong and need a little help along the way.


I have to wonder, if we're similar in our basic beliefs then why do we have a bloody history when it comes to religion? The only answer I have is that ideas are formed in ignorance and then passed along. It's only in learning and sharing with one another that we can end this horrible history of hate. For when people come together in peace, no matter what the faith, it brings forth love, understanding, and friendship. And isn't that what life is all about?

Photos on this blog were done by James Tennery. To see more photos of the event go to his gallery.

Turns Out I'm Infectious

53 Dreams Accomplished on the Way to 101 Dreams Come True

This morning a skating friend said to me, "I saw your website. What you're doing is infectious." She explained that she and her husband have always had lists of dreams they'd like to do, but instead have spent most of their life working hard to build their business. They've found themselves bogged down by the daily grind and wondering what life is all about. She said that her daughter was following in their footsteps of becoming a workaholic. When my friend shared my website and my 101 Dreams Come True with her husband they began talking about the dreams they want to accomplish and they began to put a plan in motion.

Last week, I had some really down, depressed days. I was exhausted mentally and emotionally from family issues and I felt like I didn't want to continue making this journey public. No matter how pure my intentions are to help others, when someone says that I'm a showoff who needs to be the center of attention, or that they don't like being around me because of how I live my life, or better yet I'm told who I am and I'm not even allowed to defend my actions, it's defeating. Everyone wants to be seen for the person they are, and when that doesn't happen it hurts.

So last Tuesday, I curled into my blankets, ate ice cream, watched movies, and did a whole lot of crying. When I woke the next morning I didn't want to get out of bed. I wanted to stay in my cave, but instead I meditated, went skating, worked out, and wrote. I moved forward through the sadness and focused on what was good in my life.

Two days later, a friend made my 53rd dream come true. He found out that Beauty and The Beast was playing in San Francisco, and he bought 10th row orchestra tickets, booked a beautiful hotel room, sent me the largest flower bouquet I've ever received and flew in from Chicago to take me to the play. We went to dinner, the show, and then the Grand View room for dessert. He did it all just to put a smile on my face.

Today when my skating friend told me that making my dreams come true was infectious I had to think about how incredible this journey really has been. In the last month, three of my dreams have come true: seeing Vancouver, Hang Gliding, and now seeing Beauty and the Beast. Each one of these dreams came true because people wanted to share in my journey and to see me accomplish what I desired.

There are always going to be people who will judge unfairly and see the world from their perspective. I'm a sensitive person who will never be able to let people's comments roll off my back, especially those I love. Life will have it's ups and downs and days where bed, ice cream, and movies are critical therapy. But I've realized that though I may not please others by going after my dreams, I do build a life where even the hard things can't keep me down for long. And it turns out by shining my love for life, it's helping others to shine their light as well. Then they pass it along to another and there's a chain reaction. So here's to shining light no matter what someone says about me. What the heck, does it really matter what someone else says about me? Nope it only matters what I think. I'm the one living this life and I only get one shot at making it as full as possible. If I died tomorrow, opinions wouldn't matter in the least.

Half Way

51 Dreams Left on My List of 101 Dreams Come True

So it happened, I hit number fifty on my list of dreams. I haven't had time to update the website, so look for the description in the coming weeks.

I wanted the halfway mark to be something symbolic I could carry for the rest of my life. I decided the dream that would most fit this purpose would be to buy a beautiful piece of jewelry for myself. This way, whenever I wore the piece it would remind me that I had the courage to break through doubt and fear to go after what I really desired.

This dream, like many others, came about in an unusual way - my house was broken into, all of my jewelry was stolen, and I had insurance money to go shopping. I replaced much of the costume pieces by having a jewelry party with my girls. My mother gave me pearls for my birthday, but I couldn't find the one piece that I would want to wear forever as a reminder.

Then two days ago, as I was running errands, I saw a jewelry store. I went inside, and the first ring I saw was the one. A diamond center, set in white gold it curves around my finger with tiny leaves and more diamonds. It's a one of a kind piece designed by the jeweler of the store.

The greatest part of this purchase was meeting the woman who sold it to me. She said that her motto was to never settle for less. That at one point she was about to marry a doctor who seemed perfect on paper, but she wondered if she could spend her life making the relationship fit. She decided to walk away. Four months later she met a man in Border's and though he seemed wonderful she wasn't ready to exchange numbers. Little did she know that she employed one of his students and that her employee would overhear his teacher talking about the woman he met at the bookstore. The young man told his teacher where this amazing woman worked and brought the two of them together. They've now been married seventeen years with two beautiful children.

When I look at my ring, I remember how I decided not to settle in life. With fifty dreams come true, I've changed who I am, how I look at the world, and have fallen in love with life and myself. I'm still a work in progress. Doubt still walks with me as I pursue the rest of my dreams. I'm taking a skating test next Saturday as I try to accomplish my dream of reaching Senior Moves in figure skating, and I've been in a bad mood as I contemplate failing. I'm also trying to achieve things in my career and before I've even begun I see the failure that could happen. My fears haven't happened. I could just as easily see my endeavors in a positive light, yet my mind chooses to see the worst case scenario. I'm unsure why I still do this after all the miracles that have come into my life. Hopefully, when I reach 101 Dreams Come True, I will finally put these nagging thoughts to rest.

Two Year Anniversary of 101 Dreams Come True List

Tomorrow is the two year anniversary of when I made my list of dreams. When I think of all that has changed in my life it amazes me that only two years have passed - thirty dreams have come to completion and my life is forever changed.

I've been thinking about the emotional state I was in when I made my list of dreams. I'd just celebrated my birthday with the present of tremendous heartache. I felt like my insides overflowed with pain and that my life had little purpose. I had no idea where I was going and I felt alone.

This past Friday I celebrated my birthday in a much different way. It started on Wednesday night, when my California parents threw me a dinner party that included lawn bowling, charades, and a whole lot of laughter and love. Friday was another party where I learned how to pole dance. (Ladies you have to try this. It's like being on the playground again, but in a sexier way.) Then my friends took me dancing. The next day, I went to Los Angeles for more celebration. I've been flooded with presents, lunches, friendship, well-wishes, flowers, and most importantly love and a sense of belonging.

Going after my dreams continues to open my life in ways I couldn't have imagined. I've been asked by someone who saw the site if I would consider speaking in El Salvador about going after dreams and focusing your mind to create the life you want. This man wants to create a foundation where we would use the website to sell fair trade products to create jobs in third world countries while inspiring people to go after their dreams of a better life. A similar opportunity is opening in Romania. I don't know if either will work, but I can dream that this journey of mine can not only change my life, but help others to change theirs as well.

In all that has come to me, I've realized that I need to stop putting a time limit on when I complete my list. I originally placed the time limit because I didn't want to lose my focus. Now that going after my dreams has become a deeper part of my being, I no longer want to rush the experience. I want this journey to take me where it will lead without preconceived notions or stress.

I've always viewed my birthday as my New Year. When I think about what I want for this coming year, I realize I want to live as decadently as I can - to taste life without fear, worry, or self-doubt. I want it all and in the process of living to the fullest I hope that I can also help others to do the same.

It's a decadent life if you want it to be - go live it that way.

The Question of Settling

744 Days to Complete 101 Dreams Come True

From the Alchemist by Paulo Coelho

The old man pointed to a baker standing in his shop window. "When he was a child, that man wanted to travel, too. But he decided first to buy his bakery and put some money aside. When he's an old man, he's going to spend a month in Africa. He never realized that people are capable, at any time in their lives, of doing what they dream of."

According to Webster's dictionary the word 'settle' means: to accept despite complete satisfaction. I hate to say this, but I believe this describes most people's lives. They begin with big dreams and somehow, like the baker in the story of the Alchemist, they get stuck in a rut complaining about what they hate and dreaming of things changing without being willing to do the work.

The more I forge forward on this journey of settling for nothing less than magnificence in my life, the more I see and hear how people settle. I didn't notice before. In fact, many times I was jealous of others lives that seemed more stable. I'm not saying that everyone is settling. You don't have to want to go after 101 dreams in order to be happy. But too many people tell me about their unhappiness and make excuses for why they can't change something.

There's always a way. At any moment you can change your life and go after your dreams. It might not be easy. No one ever said this journey of mine is all peaches and cream. Though I must say it's much easier than what I thought it was going to be. I spent five years afraid and all I had to do was step out of my fear. I was terrified to take that first step. The months after seemed the most painful of my life - yet when I look back I don't see the hurt but the strength that came from the pain and how much I grew.

At any time, your dreams are just a step away. They may take work, risk, a complete change, but they're possible. I'm living proof of that, and I'm no different than you.

A Day to Savor Life

762 Days to Complete 101 Dreams Come True

Since I'm a travel addict, most of the dreams on my list are about seeing the world. I love being on the road, each day a new adventure as I take in the sights, sounds, tastes, and experiences of being someplace I've never been. On my last trip, I realized that this need to travel has more to do with the person I become rather than the places I visit.

When I travel, life becomes about the moment. I wake each morning feeling as if my day is a present about to be unwrapped and I get excited to find out what will be revealed: a new friend, food I've never tried, or something that takes my breath away. Even getting lost and missed trains are adventures. When I'm home, life becomes about tasks that need to be done, and sometimes I'm so overwhelmed I forget how to experience life from my travel perspective.

You don't have to get on a plane to have an adventure. Your backyard or just a few miles down the road can hold excitement and presents yet to be unwrapped. It's the attitude by which you approach the world and your day that will create what happens.

Most people plan their outings. Today we will go to wine country, visit these vineyards, eat at this restaurant, and then be home by this time. Or they head to the ocean, making their way directly to the hotel and then to the activities they've read about in books or have done in the past.

I challenge you to make a day this month a surprise adventure. Wake-up and with each step you take be present in the moment. Go to a new cafe or sit outside to eat your breakfast, but make certain what you eat is something you've never tried. Stop and savor the taste as if you were on a leisurely vacation. Then go for a walk or into a part of town you've always liked. A gourmet food shop is a great place to visit because it holds many treasures of things you've never tried. If you enjoy reading, go to a park with the best cup of coffee in town and a little dessert and spend time reading, drinking, looking at the scenery and people taking time to notice the little details of life.

Another way to have a great adventure is to pack an overnight bag and get in your car. Point the automobile in a direction and see where it takes you. Once again, take in your surroundings. You have no place you need to be, so you don't have to focus on when you'll arrive. If something looks interesting stop and enjoy the moment. When you fall in love with a place, find a hotel and stay.

The point of this exercise is to relish how decadent and exciting life can be. It's all about the experience not the completion of a goal. Too many times, life is about rushing from one place to another without stopping to enjoy living. So take the time and give yourself the gift of a day where all you do is savor life.

Throwing Out the Guidebook: The Best Way to A Great Vacation

767 Days to Complete 101 Dreams Come True

Nine years ago I started traveling the world. I've been to Europe, Africa, Central America, Asia, New Zealand, and throughout the U.S. and Canada. You would think that my bookcase would be filled with guide books but it's not. The last time I bought a guide book was nine years ago.

Most people buy their guide book before their trip and plan out an itinerary. Not unlike an organized tour, they have planned every moment of their vacation trying to fit in too much. They leave little space for the unexpected or stepping off the tourist path. For some this kind of trip is great. Many people like to fit in as much as possible while barely experiencing anything. Take for example the people who rush through the Louvre snapping pictures of artwork with their iphones and then moving on. Have they really looked at the Mona Lisa - well how can anyone look at it with all the flashbulbs going off?

Ask anyone about their last vacation and I guarantee that they will talk about seeing the big tourist attractions, but their eyes will light up when they tell you the story of the unexpected that happened while away: the bakery they found where they got their coffee each morning and spoke with the locals; the children who wanted their pictures taken; the person they met on a train who they spent the day with; or even how they got lost on a hike. It's the surprises people remember the most. The other problem with planning an itinerary is that if you're too tired one day to march through museums you can change things at the last minute without feeling like you missed out. This way you experience your trip in a more relaxed manner.

So how do you travel without a guidebook? How do you find your way around? How will you know where to eat or what to see?

Here are a few suggestions for making your next trip an adventure you will never forget. First, go online and look for hotels in your price range through a site like Kayak.com. Then go to TripAdvisor and look for reviews of the hotels listed - better than any guidebook, real travelers give their honest opinions. It's a good way to find out if there are bedbugs or if there is construction going on next door. Guidebooks are often outdated, but you can read a review from someone who stayed at the hotel the week before. I don't like spending time booking accommodations while on the road because it takes time away from my vacation, but it can easily be done from a computer once you've arrived. Always book your first night because you will be exhausted from travel.

Once you have your accommodations and transportation, pack your bags and get on the plane. While in the airport look around for the person or group that looks like they're heading home. Approach them and say, "Hi, I'm visiting blank for the first time and I was wondering if you have any suggestions for what I should see while I'm there?"

People love to share their enthusiasm for the place they live. Approaching someone often opens a lively conversation that also makes the wait in the airport fly by. When you get to your hotel, go to the front desk or the concierge and tell them that you're interested in visiting the city more like a local, but that you also want to see the main highlights. The person will pull out a map and give you all the information you need. Make certain to take it one step further and ask, "What are your favorite things to do?" This opens the person up to share their love of the city or place they live. Many times they will send you to local restaurants never found in guidebooks (Note: Always try to eat away from main attractions - the prices and food are tourist and not the local flavor. Even going one block further will give you a better chance for a nice meal). If the hotel offers you tours, ask them how you can do the same thing by using public transportation. Sometimes these people work on commission or they are afraid you will be lost and will tell you it's impossible to do things without a tour. Thank them and move on. It's always possible to go without a tour and it will save you mucho bucks.

Now a word about getting lost. I highly recommend it. Since your time isn't booked to the max with a specific itinerary you won't be stressed about missing out on anything. Take a wrong turn, (should be done only in daylight), ask for directions, while you're at it, stop in at a little shop that looks interesting, wander without aim, people watch. On my perfect day in Paris, I walked in a direction without a plan and ended up in the best gelato shop and then found a tiny store with handmade designer clothing. If you're in a car, take that road that looks like it leads to nowhere. Stop and see the fields on the side of the road.

You might wonder about language barriers. Smiles, hand gestures and pointing at maps (which you can get at any train station or airport from the information booths) works great. It might not be the right place, but you're in a foreign place, it's all part of the experience.

So here's the real question. Are you willing to give up the idea of what your adventure should be like? Are you willing to let go of control and living safe in exchange for living in the moment? Sure go ahead and reserve tickets at the Uffizi so you don't stand in long lines, but leave the rest to chance. You may see less, but you will experience more.

If you're unsure of doing this in a foreign country stay tuned for my next blog on how to do this right around the corner from your house.

Getting Rid of the Non Essentials

773 Days to Complete 101 Dreams Come True

I've been home a little over a week and I'm sorry to say I've returned to my American style of living. In Europe, I never turned on a television. A few nights I watched movies, but for the most part when I took down time it was spent devouring delicious books or going for walks. Since I've been home I've found that hours have been lost catching up on Grey's Anatomy or Private Practice. Last night, instead of making a delicious dinner and enjoying it with a glass of wine out on my patio, I made a quick burrito and sat down in front of my computer perusing the internet with no goal in mind.

How did this happen? How has this little box of a computer sucked me into its realm of entertainment? At one point, I watched five episodes of Parenthood. I tell myself that I'm tired from my trip or that I'm overwhelmed with the paperwork from the break-in. I excuse my behavior with the idea that after three months of intensity I deserve to go brain-dead for a time. The truth is, I'm not happy when I'm sitting in front of the computer letting it take over my mind. It feels wrong and a part of me fights, but still I give in.

I realized while I was traveling how wonderful it was to relinquish the need to be on the computer. I had an hour at most every few days. I had to be efficient: I updated the blog and facebook, checked my email and responded, downloaded my finances, and even booked parts of my trip. When I had the internet available for twenty-four hours something happened. I found myself downloading movies, talking on skype and being drawn into the cyber-world. There were moments that I stared at the screen thinking that there must be more for me to do while I had internet. I wasted time that should've been spent enjoying a glass of wine or going outside.

When I received the compensation from the insurance company for my break-in, I immediately began shopping on the internet to replace my items. After three hours of research, my brain was overloaded with pricing, product information, and shipping costs. Then I did something extraordinary, I went to the store. In less than an hour, a wonderful salesman helped me to buy all the products for my office and even brought down the prices so that newer, better products would fit into my budget. The sad part was that I kept wondering if I was paying too much since it wasn't on the internet.

Today, I realized how bad our world's addiction to technology has become. As I was telling my friend how I've lost the person I became on my trip, he was scrolling on his smartphone and only half listening to what I said.

This journey to pursue my dreams is about living life to the fullest. It's about tasting all that this world has to offer. I've realized that for me, the computer is like eating corn syrup and high fructose, the more I have the more I can't stop.

I know the internet is a wonderful thing. I can book trips, connect with people around the globe, inspire people to follow their dreams, and so much more. But it has to have it's place. For me, that means limiting myself to what needs to get done and then placing it away and going out and really living.

My Italian Lover

783 Days to Complete 101 Dreams Come True

A touch, a brush of lips against mine as hands move up my neck and through my hair - waves of sensations shivering throughout my body. The feel of new love, the excitement of chemicals that make the world seem brighter, the nerve endings open so that every experience is not one of thought but of surrender to pleasure. This is how Italy makes me feel -  as if I'm under the spell of a lover.

A soft breeze brings the smell of spring flowers, as I sit in the park in Orvieto. I roll a bite of chocolate, orange gelato around my tongue, taking the time to taste the sweetness and bitterness. Beyond the medieval walls I can see the Tuscan valley below. Before I realize it's happening, tears drip from my eyelashes - I'm leaving in two days and my heart is breaking, knowing that I will be away from the place I love deeply.

What is it about this country that changes me so drastically? In any other place I'm a type A personality: I rush, I push, determined to experience all that I can from life. In Italy, I find myself closing my eyes to taste a great wine. I eat slowly for fear I will miss the delicious pleasure the food brings. I stroll, watching the world and noticing the small details. Everything becomes about experiencing the moment, and it is here in this place that I feel that I've really learned how to live.

A Tiny Village In Tuscany

787 Days to Complete 101 Dreams Come True

Green rolling hills spread in every direction. Yellow flowers decorated waves of grass as the sunlight created light and shadows along the fields. Groves of olive trees, their silvery leaves shimmering, met rows of vines. I looked out over the vast landscape to the castle on top of the hill. Soriano nel Cimino,  Viterbo Italy, my home for the next ten days.

Unlike when I spent a week in Florence, where tourists marched through the city daily, and locals spoke english, now I'm in a small village untouched by time itself. Each day after exploring the region, the bus drops me  at the bottom of the hill and I begin the long climb up ancient stone stairs, past stucco and stone buildings with bright-colored laundry hanging from the clothesline.

In the square people stare at me. There are no calls of, "Ciao, Bella". Instead, this is a place where everyone has grown up together. Small shops with flowers, shoes, and clothing along with cars that move up and down the cobblestone streets are the only sign that I'm not in the 17th century. People call to one another, each person knowing the other in the town. Teenagers sit in the piazza that overlooks the Tuscan valley, bored of their small village and dreaming of someday leaving. Yet, there is a real community here of family. There isn't one tourist shop with t-shirts or calendars. The only hotel is the one I'm staying in and it's only been in the village for eight years. It has eighteen rooms decorated with the original frescoes.

I pass the square and climb another hill. Here I stop for vegetables in the produce shop, cheese from the butcher, and pasta at the place where the old woman smiles at me and says, "Bella" each time I come in.

Back at the hotel I walk the wide stone steps to the lounge where I look out across the village to the castle high on the hill. Once an Etruscan fort, (the original Tuscan people) the Romans turned it into a prison and now it stands empty. At night it is illuminated for all to see.

The closest town of Viterbo is a half hour drive. Another medieval town, but one that has modernized its outskirts. Here people can go to the cinema and shop in malls. Large supermarkets are available. Other small towns in the surrounding area have large gardens such as Villa Lente in Bagnaia. At one time, the popes ran from persecution in Rome and designed this area with duomos and gardens.

But here in Soriano, there is a simpler life - one that Rome has left untouched. It is a place of long walks and time sitting in the square. Men smoke and drink coffee while they retell stories. And everywhere I look is a view of the Tuscan valley below.

My brain has shut down. I have no desire to do anything but eat and take in the scenery - to walk the streets at night in the quiet. At the hotel, I've met wonderful people who have become friends for the week as we've explored the region. Most of all, I've gotten into my Italy mode - a time where I taste life more deeply and slowly.

Bates Motel and A Nursing Home

795 Days to Complete 101 Dreams Come True

I set out from Edinburgh without a plan or a hotel for the next three nights. I was told it would be easy to find B&B's and guesthouses. My plan was to go through Stirling, see the castle, and then head to Aberfoyle to hike in Queen's National Park.

Stirling is a lovely little city, but as with most of Scotland, the city has tiny roads that one car can barely fit down never mind two. With a few wrong turns, I found my way to the castle, saw all of the tour buses and decided to turn around. I was done with being around the mobs (I can't imagine what traveling in Europe would be like during the summer months).

As I got away from the city, beautiful, green pastures covered in a light dusting of snow spread as far as I could see. Within thirty minutes I was deep into the Queen's National forest where tall pines and mountains surrounded me. The snow and wind had picked up. I figured I could still hike - I'm from New England I can handle bad weather. I put my poncho over my fancy coat, put on an extra pair of socks and headed to the forest. The rangers stopped me before I hit the end of the car park. They wouldn't allow me access because they were worried that a tree branch would fall on my head and kill me. I guess people freak out about weather all over the world no matter how small the storm. It really wasn't that bad.

There was nothing to do in Aberfoyle, and the locals suggested I move on towards Loch Lomond. Along the road I saw the most beautiful manor and turned around to check it out. Entering it's beautiful lobby I thought, I've found home for the night. I could curl up with a book next to the fire in the library and stare out at the pastures and hills. I could take some much needed rest. When I asked about staying the woman was more than happy to show me a lovely, little room with a view. Then she said, "You do realize we won't have any other guests tonight? You'll hear quite a bit of moving around, but you'll be alone. I mean there'll be someone on duty in the house and all, but you might not see them." I wasn't sure what she meant by this, but then it dawned on me how old the house was. She never said it was haunted, but I suddenly had visions of a psychopath walking the halls at night and stabbing me in the shower. I decided to move on.

Hours later I was still driving through tiny towns, getting lost, turning around, maneuvering roundabouts till I found myself by this beautiful, small castle around Loch Lomond. I thought, this is my chance to make my dream come true of staying in a castle. I rang the bell and a gentleman opened the door and I walked into a foyer with a sweeping staircase and stained glassed. Just stunning. I asked for a room for the night and the man looked at me with question. I asked again wondering how he could misunderstand my needs.

"This is a nursing home," he answered. "I think you're a bit young for a room." That's when I noticed the distinct smell of a hospital and the fact that he was wearing scrubs for a shirt. DUH!

I moved on, since they wouldn't let me stay, and found my way to a little town called Luss. Nothing was open in town except a small B&B without an inn keeper present. I walked through the quaint town and out to the lake, had a cup of hot chocolate at the local pub and looked up hotels on the internet. My only option was to keep driving around the Loch up to the Highlands and to a little fishing village called Oban.

All in all I drove over six hours that day with only short breaks. The scenery was stunning even in the snow and rain. I found a lovely hotel overlooking the bay with a jacuzzi bath and booked it for three nights. I think I'm better day-tripping from one place. In one day I almost booked a haunted manor and a nursing home. Can you imagine what I would find if I searched for two more days.

A Chevy Chase Moment

797 Days to Complete 101 Dreams Come True

"Look kids, there's Big Ben," Chevy Chase said in European Vacation. In my case it became, "Look kids, there's Edinburgh Castle."

I was rather proud of myself when I picked up my rental car  (a manual automobile that I had to drive on the opposite side of the road) and drove myself to Rosslyn Chapel without getting lost. Now to give you some idea of what it's like to drive in Scotland, it did take me fifteen minutes to get out of the airport area because every intersection is a roundabout. These roundabouts have large signs before you come to the circle that mark the turnoff you want with a diagram, but once you're on the roundabout it isn't quite clear which turn you're supposed to take. Still, I had found my way from Glasgow to Rosslyn.

As I was leaving the chapel I realized I didn't have directions to my hotel. I figured I'd head into Edinburgh, find a gas station, or internet cafe, and get directions. Life would take care of me and I would find someone who could steer me in the right direction. I didn't end up needing help. On instinct I took a turn onto a road that changed into the one I was looking for and there was my guesthouse.

After I checked in, I drove around a little, went back to the chapel, and I was rather puffed-out about my mad driving skills. I was in unafraid in a new country and driving like I was a local. So, when I decided to drive into the center of town to find a music venue, I was certain it would take me ten minutes tops. This time I had a map and I knew hot to get there.

I got dressed up in a cool outfit, did my hair, and was on the road by 8:15 ready for a night on the town. In the first few minutes I realized I wasn't where I wanted when high on the hill I could see Edinburgh Castle lit up against the night sky. I took a moment to look at the romantic view and then drove on. A few turns later, I looked down at my map and deduced I had gone the wrong way. By some fate, I found my way to the street I wanted, and I was ready to park the car.

Parking wasn't easy, so I took a side road, and from there I have no idea what happened. Suddenly, I was seeing Edinburgh castle again all lit up. I smiled again at the beauty. Then I was going past the State house lit at night, and I enjoyed this sight as well. Look at me, I'm getting a tour of the city by night and soon I'll be back to where I need to be, I thought.

Two hours later, my attitude was much different. Something along the way went horribly wrong. I made circles round the city, I went through roundabouts getting cutoff. At each stoplight I tried to look at my map and find where I was, but even when I did find the street before the light changed, if I tried to follow the map's directions the closure of roads placed me outside the main part of the city. I had to watch for tourists crossing the streets as I remembered to shift, stay on the left side of the road, and remembered to keep towards the center of the road because I tended to drift to the left and bang my hubcap against the curbs. Traffic became worse and at one point I had to maneuver around a parked truck and a cab. I scraped the cab and realized I'd damaged the brand new rental car. The guy waved me on with a smile and I hoped what I heard hadn't been paint against paint.

Twice I stopped for directions and thought, now I can just go home. I'll find take-out to appease my growling stomach, and curl into my bed for the night. Each time, the directions only got me further lost due to closures.  And all along, somehow, I would find myself back to the base of Edinburgh castle looking up at that damn romantic view. You would think I could find my way from here, but no. By the end of two hours I thought, I'm never getting back. I'm going to be lost forever.

I did find my way to the guesthouse and to some Chinese take-out around the corner. The next morning, I asked the host where I should park in the city. His response, "You don't bloody drive in Edinburgh. You take the bus. All those road closures will have you going in circles for hours with no way out."

Now you tell me.

When I did take the bus into the city, I realized that I was always just two turns away from being home, if I had taken the right turns. The car is actually fine. The hub cap could look better and there are some surface scratches that can be rubbed out with wax, but all in all, it was a crazy night.

The Perfect Day in Paris

I woke to the sound of rain against the balcony of my apartment and thought that the day would be spent inside at the Louvre. I'd been lucky up until this point, the only rain I'd encountered was my travel day from London to Paris. Blue, sunny skies had forced spring to bloom and each day on my walk to the Metro, the leaves and flowers poked their heads from beneath their buds.  I thought my luck had run out, but by noon, after I finished my laundry and a bit of work, the skies cleared and sunshine sparkled off the rain drops on the plants making the world look fairy-like.

I put on a spring dress and a sweater and went to the Luxemburg gardens, which turned out to be my favorite place in Paris. The Luxemburg Palace seemed more like a country estate in the middle of a city than a palace. I sat by the fountain watching the children feed the ducks and parents play with toddlers. Locals lounged in chairs, their arms bared to the sun soaking in the warm light. In the last few days I've barely stopped, sometimes being on my feet for over seven hours. Here I relaxed, eating bread and cheese. When I finally rose to walk around the gardens I spent an hour smelling the flowers, watching men and women play bocci in the square, and for the first time I felt a part of Parisian life instead of a tourist.

The sky was still blue as I left the gardens and made my way to St. Supuis and St. Germain, two churches within the Latin District. I have to say, though lovely, I've had my fill of being inside beautiful, old churches after being in Italy last year and then seeing five churches these past few weeks. As I left St. Germain, I saw the dark clouds moving towards me. Since I'd left my umbrella at home I figured I would shop until the rain hit and then wherever I was I would take cover. I roamed through the artisan market next to St. Germain, made my way through bright-colored shops of fancy clothing, costume jewelry, and perfume forcing myself to behave as I found the ultimate shopping in Paris - the Latin Quarter. Here, I could afford the prices and the items were unique and to my liking, but still there was the issue of room in the suitcase.

As I turned down a small side street, the sound of thunder shook the buildings and I ran for the nearest cover - an ice cream shop. I love gelato. I ate it twice per day while in Italy, and I never thought a gelato could rival that of Michelangelo's Piazza's gelatori in Florence - but Amorino in Paris is actually better. As the rain came down in sheets, I sat outside under the umbrellas eating double chocolate and cherry cream. I took in my surroundings: the patter of the rain, the cobblestone streets, the floral shop, the Paris architecture, the brassiere and patisseries while I savored my dessert and thought, wow, here I am - this couldn't be any better.

The rain stopped and I walked around the Latin Quarter peeking in shops until I found the temptation that broke me. A store called Parfums had unique, feminine clothing all hand-sewn and designed by the woman who owned the shop. I tried on a dress that didn't look quite right. The woman shook her head and brought me three different outfits that all fit my body perfectly. "Tres Jolie," she said with each spin I took in the mirror. I added the amounts, did the conversion and realized I could afford the splurge, but could my suitcase? NO, but I couldn't leave the skirt and dress behind. I'm in Paris, shopping has to be part of my experience, so I bought them.

I left with my fancy shopping bag and made my way to the Seine. As I crossed the pedestrian bridge and looked towards Notre Dame, a rainbow appeared. I mean come on, how more perfect could the day get? I smelled the fresh air, I watched the people, I strolled to Notre Dame and took pictures as the sun set. I made my way to the Isle de la Cite and spent another hour perusing quaint, bright shops, trying to speak french to the shopkeepers who thought I was local.

As night fell, I walked from the low-lit Hotel de Ville, along the Seine to the Louvre. I sat inside the Palace looking at the candlelit facade as I listened to a man play the cello. And in that moment I felt that life was perfect.

Impressionism and a Whirlwind Tour

801 Days to Complete 101 Dreams Come True

"Art is an abstraction; take it from nature while dreaming in front of it." Paul Guaguin

I love the Impressionists. As Robert put it, on my first night in Paris, "Most art is religious or stern portraits of royalty. Most paintings were created to show sacrifice or power. The Impressionist are colorful, bright pictures that make you feel alive."

What he says is true. Impressionism brings the softness of every day life to a place in your heart. With swishes of paint it reflects the light and color of the world. Instead of demanding you see the hard lines of reality, it blurs the landscapes into something serene and almost touchable, as if the world is in a constant state of peace.

To walk the halls of art lined with Monet, Degas, Renoir, and Van Gogh has once again left me in awe of my life. I'm so blessed.

It's wild to watch the other travelers rush through the museum. They stop at each painting for a brief moment and then move on. It's hard for me to understand how they can do this since I find it almost painful to look away knowing that I won't see these masterpieces again for many years.

I've noticed the rushing is true of many tourists, not just with art, but also with the great scenery of the world. I remember sitting at the Grand Canyon and watching people walk up to the edge, take dozen of photos, and then say, "Let's get some ice cream." I wonder if our fast-paced regular life has left humans with the inability to really experience the greatness this world has to offer. I think it's been forgotten how to stop and take in the present moment and in that the memory of how to really live is lost.

Paris is full of tour buses. The tour leaders sit up front pointing out the important buildings and monuments while half the passengers are fast asleep from exhaustion. This is the way most travelers see the world - whirlwind tours set to tight time schedules that leave little space for the unexpected. I want to yell at them to get off the bus and out from the hordes that follow leaders holding up closed umbrellas. Get out and experience the city you're in. Realize you're blessed to be standing in front of true magnificence and take more than a second to soak it in.

Okay enough of my rant for the day.

After the museum I walked to Notre Dame and began to stroll along the Seine to take in the setting sun and the way the light hits the buildings casting a golden hue across the facades. Within moments I was joined by a man named David. He spoke french and I forced the wheels of my memory to move as I listened. Actually, my french began to return a few nights before when an annoying man followed me to my hotel insisting I give him my phone number. Suddenly, my bitch came on 'en francais'. To my surprise he clearly understood what I said and ran away. So when David approached I could actually ask him in french to speak slower so I could understand. He did slow but I learned that David didn't take life at a relaxed pace.

Within moments he had my hand and was racing me through the streets of Paris showing me Hotel de Ville, the best chocolate shop in Paris, and the Royal Palace. He grabbed my camera, snapping pictures of me and then handed it to a woman to take a picture of the two of us. He danced me in the streets, hugged me to him, all the while kissing my cheek as I ducked and swerved my head so as not to be kissed on the lips. His enthusiasm was contagious as he had me laughing while he tried to enrich my knowledge of the french language and pretended we were going to go for a swim in the Seine.

He insisted we take the boat ride along the Seine, but I was tired and hungry by this time and ready to call it a night. I bid him adieu with a kiss on the cheek and made my way across the Seine to home.