India or S. America? Which Way Should I Go?

863 Days to Complete 101 Dreams Come True

I have emerged from my cave feeling renewed and energized. My lips are turned up in a smile and I feel more centered. I've realized that throughout this journey I need to control the ever-present ego who wants to cause a ruckus by disrupting my peace. When my mind lives in the future worried about what may happen, or in the past being upset about events that hurt, I feel stress. When I stay right in the moment, taking in the beauty or even the hurt of life, I remain calm and magic happens.

Today I don't know which way to go. I had given up on rafting and kayaking the Futaleufu. My friends could no longer join me, and I decided that I would wait until next year. I was sad since this is a trip I've wanted to do for six years. Instead, I began to make plans to hike the Inca Trail, see Iguassu Falls, Buenos Aires, and Rio de Janeiro. Not a bad alternative.

Then last night my friend invited me to join her in India and Nepal. It would be a girl's month, traveling through India as we visited Ashrams. Del Marie has traveled to India numerous times for yoga training and knows the country well. It would be amazing to travel with her and our friend Swee.

I had almost changed my mind about going to S. America. I woke up this morning and began to look for flights to India. That's when I got the email from the rafting company in the Futaleufu. They have the perfect trip for me to join. It's everything I've wanted to do on the Fu. Now I have no idea which way to go. I want to do it all.

I guess this isn't a bad problem to have.

For now, I'm off to organize my house, work on the website, and write a press release. All in all a busy Saturday. Next week I won't have a whole lot of time for work since I need to go to San Francisco on Tuesday and then I'm hitting the slopes on Wednesday. So this weekend is for being responsible. Well until I go salsa dancing tonight.

I think I'll try to plan time for a bubble bath along with some meditation. Can't forget to continue to take things slow so that the flu doesn't come and get me again.

Winter: A Time to Stop

866 Days to Complete 101 Dreams Come True

Well the same flu hit me again. I thought I was doing great. Last week I skied, skated, went to a writer's group, worked out, and went to two dinner parties, and spent a day wine tasting in Napa. My trip to S. America began to come together. Then it hit - the fatigue that made me feel like anvils had me pinned to the bed. For three days I didn't speak to anyone. I watched endless hours of television getting caught up on all my favorite shows on hulu. I'm upright today, but my sinuses still feel like chipmunk cheeks.

Sometimes in life you have to stop. That's all there is to it. I've realized its not just stopping physically but mentally too. After three days of shutting down, my mind recognizes how fast I've been going; how scared I've really been about going after my dreams; and how emotions have been swirling around me.

During this time of sickness I took care of myself. I didn't think or worry about anyone else. I didn't feel the need to contact friends. I was present with my emotions not judging or trying to outrun them, but taking the time to listen. I realized I'm overwhelmed whether I want to be or not. The list of 101 dreams is big. My fears about finances and relationships is a huge ogre sitting on my shoulders. As I allowed my emotions to work themselves out, I realized that though I want to enjoy all this incredible life has to offer I don't feel like pushing right now.

It's winter. Rain has poured down on Sacramento for five days straight with no stopping in sight. It's a time to curl into life with a cup of tea, stop, and recollect. I've decided that this is what I must do: spend time in bubble baths, read books, watch movies, allow the slowness of time to slip by. My body and mind need this and I'm beginning to believe it is the only way to kick this flu out of my body permanently.

I'm beginning to look forward to this time of slowness. It doesn't mean I won't skate or work out. It means I'm going to focus on caring for my body and making it the strongest and healthiest it can be. This will be a time to clear out the clutter of my mind and meditate.

I have an amazing year ahead. I will go to S. America, Europe, and Canada. I will achieve many of my dreams, but not if I'm stuck in bed with the flu.

Sometimes to stop is the only way to go forward.

Up or Down: It's a Choice

873 Days to Complete 101 Dreams Come True

I had a dream last night that I was about to bungee jump into dark, cold, shark-infested waters. I knew that when I hit the water I'd be in complete darkness. I was fearful that a shark would be near and I wouldn't be able to see him to try and get away before he attacked. When I woke I realized the dream symbolized how I'm feeling about life. I'm diving into the unknown. I can't see the future and this little voice in the back of my brain likes to chat about failure.

I believe this fear of what might happen is what holds us back in life. When I first moved to California I was in a long-term relationship, living in an apartment I hated, and focused on a partnership where I felt I was third in importance. Though I loved the man I was with, I felt I was living his life instead of the one I desired. I was lonely without friends, I couldn't sleep because of the stress of hating my life, and the spirit inside me felt stuffed into a box.

For five years, I contemplated leaving. I loved this man with everything I was, but I wasn't happy. Each time I went to take the step to leave, fear roared: you will end up alone and broke; Christmas will be horrible without him; you'll be in your late thirties without the chance of marriage or kids; you'll never be loved again; the pain of losing him will be too much.

Two years ago today, I chose to pack my stuff and leave. The break-up ripped me apart. I had given my entire spirit to this man and I believed his love made me worthwhile.

I look back at the woman who lived in that apartment and I don't recognize her. While I was in the relationship I struggled with weight. I fought day and night to diet and exercise to take off the layer of padding. No matter what I did, the weight wouldn't come off. This morning I woke and weight loss wasn't on my mind. In going after my dreams I live an active life that keeps my body in great shape.

There was a time that I dreaded Mondays because I didn't want to face another week of stress, loneliness, and hurt. This week started with going to church and getting hugged by amazing people. Then I went to a hockey game with friends. I'll skate, ski, dance, go rock-climbing, get together for a writer's group, plan a trip to S. America, trade massages with my girlfriend, and have a girl's night out by week's end.

Do I still fear? Yes. The biggest one being that I'm waiting too long to have children. Is it scary to do this on my own without a partner to support me? Absolutely, but it also gives me the freedom to live for myself.

Two years ago I jumped into dark, cold waters that were shark-infested. I went through pain, I was alone, and yet out of it came the greatest life I could imagine.

I could've stayed down and said, "Woe is me, my life is horrible." I could've ran to the next relationship to fill the void, but I would've ended up being the same person. Instead, I chose up. I decided I wanted everything from this life. I guess that's why at the end of last night's dream I overcame my fears and jumped.

Patriot's Game Dream Come True

874 Days to Complete 101 Dreams Come True

After the sadness of the Patriot's brutal defeat in the first play-off game it seems strange to talk about seeing a game in Gillette Stadium, but today, as I plan my S. America trip (I'm having trouble putting everything together and I'm slightly frustrated) I want to be reminded of how magical life can be.

I'm an avid football fan. When the Patriot's play, a whole new side of my personality explodes from my being. I throw pillows, jump out of my chair, and expletives slip through my lips. Until nine years ago, I didn't know I liked the sport. As a young girl, I was a cheerleader who had no idea what the cheer, "first and ten do it again" meant. I dated the captain of the football team who spent every Monday morning re-living the game as I pretended to listen, yet I had no idea how football was played.

Then I went to a professional game in the old Foxboro Stadium, and watched a young Tom Brady play his first game as quarterback. The team was down by two touchdowns and a field goal with only a quarter left to go. The fans had left and everyone had given up except for him. This young man refused to quit, running in touchdowns and playing with everything he had. The Patriot's came back to tie the Chargers in regular time and won in overtime. In that moment, something happened to me. I became a jersey-wearing fan who felt that my prayers could change the outcome of the game.

Since moving from Boston to California, seeing a game in the stadium has been impossible. Tickets are sold out months in advance. When I originally made my list I thought about wanting to see a game in the new Gillette Stadium, but it didn't make the cut. As I was watching a game this past October the longing returned. I went to my list and changed one of my dreams.

I thought it would be at least a year before I could make this dream come true, but once again magic happened. The day after I wrote down the dream, my mother had a vision of a convenience store and a Patriot's lottery ticket. She went in, bought the ticket, and won. The only problem was that the date of the game would be determined by the lottery, and I wasn't certain I could find a flight home.

It turned out that the universe was on my side. The game happened to land two days after Christmas, when I would be home for the holiday. I thought that I couldn't be luckier, but even more greatness came my way. It can be brutally cold in December. The stadium doesn't have much cover and wind-chill can reach the negative numbers on game day. As I entered the stadium, after the official tailgate party, the rain ended and the sun broke through the clouds. I stripped off my winter coat as I cheered on my team.

The Patriot's won that game by thirty points. I watched our wide receiver joke with the fans and the defense dance during time out. I wondered at how this could be happening. I asked to see a game and without my doing anything it came true.

That first game nine years ago, I saw Tom Brady believe he could win. Against the odds a sixth-round draft pick who only got to play because the regular quarterback was injured, took the first step to making his dream come true of becoming a Super Bowl MVP.

Many times we feel that life is against us. In truth, the guts to ask for what we want and the determination to never quit turns life into a magic hope chest.

Now, I await the magic when it comes to getting to S. America. Stay tuned to find out how I can make this all work.

The First Step is the Hardest

875 Days to Complete 101 Dreams Come True

By nine a.m. this morning my skates were laced and I was stepping onto the rink. I love the first step onto clean ice before anyone else has made a mark on the glassy surface. My blades glide over the slippery surface as I do laps to warm-up. This is where I go full speed not worrying about intricate turns or posture. My muscles tighten as they awaken and I can feel whether I'm tired or energized for my workout. Tears run from my eyes as the cold air hits my face.

As I did these first laps, a woman my age stepped onto the rink and joined my coach. As she began her lesson I saw that she was a beginner just learning to cross one foot over the other and turn from forward to back. I watched as she struggled through her fear to try new steps.

I finished my laps and began practicing the new footwork I need to learn in order to make my dream come true of passing Senior Moves in the Field. I stood at the starting position and gave myself a pep-talk. These moves scare me. With each quick turn of the blade I can easily fall. I broke my hand when I first began to learn one of the patterns. I know two women who have broken their ankles doing these moves. I took a deep breath, walked through my fear and began to skate. I saw improvement with each pattern I completed. The moves weren't perfect, but suddenly I could do turns I'd never been able to do.

As I finished the steps I looked at the woman who was just starting to skate. A few years back I was in her position; every time I stepped onto the ice I froze in terror. I'm still afraid, but not of the things that once scared me - those are now easily done without thought. Instead I fear things more complicated than I ever dreamed I would accomplish.

I thought about my list of 101 Dreams Come True. I'm so afraid of going after them, but it starts with a step. Just one. I will fall, possibly fail at times. I will get frustrated and scared, but as long as I keep going I will achieve things I never thought possible.

Taking Time to Stop

878 Days to Complete 101 Dreams Come True

The last month has been intense. Between the holiday revelry, travel home, crazy sleep patterns, the website needing to be rebuilt from scratch, and swirling emotions from every angle I was feeling a bit overwhelmed and tired. I thought that I would race to get caught up by working long hours, and then I would return to a normal schedule of skating, working, dancing, and enjoying life. At some point my body would catch up and the fatigue would go away. Ah, but my body had it's own idea. It decided, without asking my permission, that it would crash. I woke Thursday morning and I couldn't move. The flu hit me with a force that left me bedridden for two days.

Stopping isn't something I do well. I can enjoy the occasional day in bed watching television. I like going to the spa and reading books after taking a long sauna. But to lie in bed doing nothing but sleeping and staring at a screen for more than a few hours makes me feel like I'm wasting time. There are too many things I want to accomplish. There is a huge world of opportunities and adventures. I have work and skating goals. I miss salsa dancing. I want to ski. I miss my friends. There's just too much fun in life that I'm missing.

I've come to realize that without a strong body, I can't make my dreams come true. Rest is an important factor in mental and physical health. Stopping and taking time to go inward to settle the adrenaline speed that life can bring calms the mind and re-focuses emotions. Stepping away gives much needed rest.

When I hiked Half-Dome in Yosemite, I raced up the first half of the hike. By the time I reached the top of Nevada Falls I thought the possibility of making the summit was dismal. Then another hiker talked to me about pace. I hiked the rest of the way with ease as I listened to my breathing. I never pushed past the point of a comfortable pace. I need to learn to do this in life - to give myself permission to stop when I feel overwhelmed. If I don't, I'm never going to finish this journey. Maybe this journey isn't about pushing to complete a list of dreams, but taking each moment that comes with joy.

I've put some thought into removing the timer on my dreams, but I'm just not ready to do it yet.

A Year of Dreams in Perspective

881 Days to Make 101 Dreams Come True

Today is January 5, 2010 and it's the first chance I've had to take the time to put 2009 into perspective. I'd planned to take time on the 31st to think about the past year and what I'd accomplished. Instead, I spent the day trying to figure out how to undo the damage done to my website when Google (my former host) moved my site. Not being techno savy I panicked. Six months of work looked destroyed and I had a good long cry over my baby being broken.

The wonder of this life is that what you believe is negative can lead you to greatness. Magic happened once I came to terms with the fact that the site would need to be re-designed from scratch. My friend created a new logo and found me a hosting company. I realized that I could create the site of my dreams in iWeb with ease. With one phone call to Machighway (the new host) I was up and running within an hour. Please check it out at www.101dreamscometrue.com. I'm really proud.

Now, I finally have the chance to catch my breath and think about 2009. I began this journey of making 101 dreams come true a year and a half ago. The beginning of 2009 didn't look promising for making dreams come true. I started off on crutches with a newly re-attached Achilles tendon and a long road to recovery. My heart ached as I mourned the loss of my grandfather. I couldn't skate, dance, or travel and my life revolved around trying to do daily chores on crutches and painful physical therapy.

What started off bleak turned into a year I'll never forget. I wrote all my dreams onto a dry-erase board and each day I hobbled into my office to read them. I was unable to work-out normally, but I found a way to do one-legged workouts, pull-ups, push-ups, arms, and abs all while staring at my list determined to stay in good shape so I could return to my active life.

The first dream came to me: to gather with people from different religions for a discussion of understanding. The SALAM center hosted a Monotheism class and I was able to come together with Jews, Christians, and Muslims who spoke about their faith from their hearts as we began to understand that all religions speak of the same thing - love, faith, and a way to face the harshness of life.

I'm in awe, as I think about the rest of 2009. My friend invited me to Cabo San Lucas and I sat on a beach reading books for a week. I saw Budapest and visited friends in Vienna. I lived in Florence for one month and ate scrumptious food while taking in the countryside. I skated in a World recreational skating event just one month after being cleared to skate and won in my category. I tested to a higher level in skating. I was able to lift a friend up and be there in her hour of need. I bought a new car, renovated my house, saw the Mayan Ruins, visited Massachusetts twice, met more incredible friends, drank wine in Napa, saw four fantastic concerts, and went to the symphony twice. I've danced up a storm, visited San Diego, and went to New York and met my agent for the first time. I've experienced great passion and lust (you know the kind you can't deny). I even re-connected with a friend from grade school who's now become my pen pal. I participated in hosting Ramadan at my Catholic church. I took photography classes and got to see a Patriot's game in Gillette stadium. Somehow, I also found time to break my hand and rehabilitate that injury as well.

The year brought the chance to inspire others to go after their dreams. I began teaching free seminars and I created meditations to help others to use their minds to go after their dreams. Somehow, without being techno savy, I created a website twice.

Yes, it was an amazing year. At times there was great pain, emotionally and physically, but the good outweighed the bad by a hundred fold.

I'm looking forward to 2010. I can't wait to see what I can accomplish on my list. If I have any advice for you, my reader, make a list of your 101 dreams come true. Go after it with everything you have. Dreams really do come true.