101 Dreams Come True

Change of Venue

2010-12-08T07:57:00.000-08:00

47 Dreams Left on the Way to Completing 101 Dreams Come True

This blog has been moved to wordpress which is integrated into the redesigned home page of 101 dreams come true. Please join me as I continue my journey in my new shiny home. www.101dreamscometrue.com

Being Enough

2010-11-15T13:33:00.000-08:00

47 Dreams Left on the Way to Completing 101 Dreams Come True

For the last two weeks, I've spent many hours in front of my computer going after my biggest dream - to have my fiction novel published. Though I finished the novel and have an amazing agent who loves the story, the novel has yet to see a publishing deal. My agent and I decided we needed to find ways to improve the story. So for the last two weeks, I re-entered the world of my characters and lived their lives, bringing some changes to how they saw the world.

While I was writing the novel, I lived in fear: would I be enough; did I have the talent; could I make it perfect; would this be my last chance? I realized that the dreams that are the most difficult to go after are the ones that take persistence and that will challenge me for years. It's not hard to get on a plane and go to another country anymore. It takes money and planning, but it's something that I've become comfortable doing. Jumping out of airplanes, or hang gliding, is an adrenaline rush that pushes my fear button, but once again I know I'm going to love the moment.

This morning I realized that the dreams that make me doubt myself are the ones that take courage to continue when there's no instant gratification. I have no idea if my novel will be published. My dream to complete my senior moves in figure skating will take years of dedication and hard work; I wonder if I will have the stamina to keep going through injuries, failures, and exhaustion. And the dream to say how I feel without need or expectation is not an easy one for me.

Last Sunday, I sank to my knees and cried my heart out. The pressure I had put on myself had become so intense that I felt wasted and drained. I wasn't a good enough writer and I couldn't make the story what I desired it to be. I hadn't skated much in the past month, how would I ever complete my dream of passing the tests. I needed to tell a coach that I needed someone different, but I was afraid of the consequences of hurting her so I was willing to stay where I was. I looked at the constant risk of going after my dreams and thought, this is kicking my butt.

On Friday, for better or worse, I turned in my novel to my agent. I spent the weekend celebrating the accomplishment. Then yesterday, I returned to the mindset of reaching for my goals and making lists of what needed to be done. Then my pastor said something I needed to hear, "You are already enough. Go sit in the sun and think of the sun as love. You don't have to be anything to receive sunlight. You don't have to be different or better, you just have to be who you are."

I realized that in my passion to complete my dreams and achieve my goals, I'm so afraid that I won't be enough, or that I'm taking the wrong path, that I feel like I must forge ahead without stopping. But it's when I play, let go, enjoy what I'm doing or what I'm working on, that life is sweeter.

I will always embrace challenges. It's a high to be extreme and push myself to the brink, but every once in awhile I need to step back and say, "I don't need to be more right now, I'm enough."

Tallest Roller Coaster in the World

2010-10-28T11:47:00.000-07:00

47 Dreams Left to Complete 101 Dreams Come True
www.101dreamscometrue.com

When a roller coaster has a 428 ft drop, goes over 128 miles per hour, and gives a face-lift the second it takes off, how could it not be one of my 101 Dreams Come True?
Riding coasters makes me feel like a kid. I love how my heart slightly races as I hear the click of the cars moving up the hill, inching over the top, and then rushing downward, my stomach in my chest as I scream at the top of my lungs.

When I realized the tallest coaster in the world was close to my childhood home I thought it would be an easy dream to complete. Every October I travel to Boston to see fall foliage. In order to achieve my dream I simply needed to rent a car and drive the five hours from Boston to the amusement park. The year I made my list, I planned to achieve this dream, but weather fouled my plans. The second year, again rain was in the forecast.

By the third trip home, determination had taken over. I was going to ride this coaster even if I had to do it with water pelting my face. Things seemed to be on track as I made plans with a friend to drive to the park. I flew home, rented a car, and was ready to have a blast at the amusement park. Two days before our big adventure, my friend had to back out. I’m comfortable doing my dreams alone, even enjoy it, but I didn’t want to play in an amusement park by myself. I asked numerous friends to accompany me, and though many were excited to join in, one by one they came up with excuses: the drive was too long; they’d have to get up early; they’d be tired the next day; if only they’d known sooner. “Do it next year,” my friends said. I thought about taking their advice, but I’d made the promise that if the opportunity to make a dream come true came to me, I had to do it.

I decided I would go alone. There could be no excuses when it came to making a dream come true. Roadblocks wouldn’t stop me.

It turned out that universe had a better plan for my dream than I could’ve imagined. My girlfriend from California, who’d been traveling in China and Romania the past year, was in New York City and she was willing to join me. I drove four hours alone, picked her up outside the city, and went to the park.

With blue skies and sixty-five degree weather, the park was crowded for late October. We made our way to the roller coaster only to find out that it had been shut down for over an hour. As we walked away, the line started to move and the ride re-opened. It took us only half an hour to reach the front of the line and we decided to wait the extra time to sit in the front seats.

We sat down, the ride moved forward, and stopped. I looked at its tall hill, so unlike any other coaster I’d ridden. Would it even be good? I wondered. Where was the hill you slowly clicked up? Where were the rolling ups and downs where you put your hands up so you were lifted out of your seat? I’d come all this way for this?

Then the ride moved. Or should I say shot like a rocket with such force I felt my skin pulling as if I were skydiving. We twisted and turned up to the crest and then slowed as we came over the top of the hill. For one moment I took in the view - miles of trees bright with the colors of fall. Then I was falling, shooting back to the earth with incredible force and up over the final hill. I screamed with joy as my arms went over my head.

I felt the rush of living to the maximum. Hyper with adrenaline my friend and I laughed our way back to the line planning to ride again, but now there was a four hour wait.
We rode only two other coasters that day due to the crowds. We spent hours in line, yet, it was a day I will never forget as I caught up with my dear friend sharing stories of our year and how we’re choosing to pursue our dreams. Maybe it’s crazy to drive eleven hours in one day for three minutes of ride time, but I think a little crazy in life makes living that much more fun.

You Have to Laugh

2010-10-19T16:04:00.000-07:00

48 Dreams Left on the Way to 101 Dreams Come True
www.101dreamscometrue.com

This week I'm in New England seeing the fall foliage, roaming through shops in Boston, visiting family and friends, and spending time soaking up the place that will always be home to me.

Yesterday, my mother received an email recounting a story from the "Tonight Show". While we read the email my mother and I laughed so hard we had tears in our eyes. The story has brought continued giggles throughout the week. I thought I'd give you a break from my usual musings about life and going after dreams to share this funny story. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

Jay Leno went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first date that a woman ever had. The winner described her worst first date experience.

There was absolutely no question as to why her tale took the prize!

She said it was midwinter...snowing and quite cold... And the guy had taken her skiing in the mountains outside Salt Lake City , Utah .

It was a day trip (no overnight). They were strangers, after all, and had never met before. The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until they were headed home late that afternoon.

They were driving back down the mountain, when she gradually began to realize that she should not have had that extra latte. They were about an hour away from anywhere with a rest room and in the middle of nowhere! Her companion suggested she try to hold it, which she did for a while. Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going, there came a point where she told him that he had better stop and let her go beside the road, or it would be the front seat of his car

They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car, yanked her pants down and started. In the deep snow she didn't have good footing, so she let her butt rest against the rear fender to steady herself. Her companion stood on the side of the car watching for traffic and indeed was a real gentleman and refrained from peeking. All she could think about was the relief she felt despite the rather embarrassing nature of the situation.

Upon finishing however, she soon became aware of another sensation. As she bent to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered her buttocks were firmly glued against the car's fender. Thoughts of tongues frozen to poles immediately came to mind as she attempted to disengage her flesh from the icy metal. It was quickly apparent that she had a brand new problem, due to the extreme cold.

Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humor of the moment, she answered her date's concerns about' what is taking so long' with a reply that indeed, she was 'freezing her butt off' and in need of some assistance! He came around the car as she tried to cover herself with her sweater and then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst out laughing. She too, got the giggles and when they finally managed to compose themselves, they assessed her dilemma. Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they also were faced with a real problem.

Both agreed it would take something hot to free her chill cheeks from the grip of the icy metal! Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament in the first place, both quickly realized that there was only one way to get her free. So, as she looked the other way, her first time date proceeded to unzip his pants and pee her butt off the fender.

As the audience screamed in laughter, she took the Tonight Show prize hands down. Or perhaps that should be 'pants down. 'And you thought your first date was embarrassing. Jay Leno's comment...'This gives a whole new meaning to being pissed off.'

Oh and how did the first date turn out? He became her husband and was sitting next to her on the Leno show.

Of course this story caused my mother, aunt and I to share our most embarrassing first date stories. Mine had to do with the smell of garbage...and I'm going to leave it at that.

Getting Out of Debt: The Power of Focus

2010-10-15T09:04:00.000-07:00

48 Dreams Left on the Way to Making 101 Dreams Come True
www.101dreamscometrue.com

Today's blog is about a friend who has made a radical change in her life. For privacy purposes I will call her Sheila.

When Sheila was in her early twenties she lost both her parents: her mother to breast cancer, her father to a heart attack. Her brother took over the family home, but when he moved to Florida Sheila bought her parent's home. She worked hard as a retail manager and as a graphic designer to make ends meet. Having no immediate family in the area, she found friends who welcomed her into their lives as sister and daughter. For years, she tried to keep up with the massive repairs on the older home, but as a single person working sometimes two jobs, it became harder to keep up.

About five years ago, in the mortgage upswing, she refinanced her home to pay off bills, make repairs on her house and truck, and to get a better rate. The mortgage company wasn't a large institution but one of those companies you hear about in the news. About a year after she refinanced, the company was sold and her loan changed. Suddenly she had to come up with large sums of money to keep her home. She lived in constant stress as the house fell into disrepair. I watched my friend desperately trying to make it all work. She continually said, "I make enough money to pay the mortgage. It's cheaper than rent would be, but the mortgage company keeps side-swiping me. I can't lose my parents home."

Two years ago, she had to walk away. Many people have done the same, having gotten into loans bigger than they could handle or from job loss, but this wasn't her case. Saying goodbye to her family's home hurt her to the core of her being.

But Sheila's the type of person who keeps going. Always willing to help a friend, she keeps a smile on her face for the world to see. I knew she was battling to pay down her debt, but I had no idea how deep the house had taken her until she said, "In one year, I've paid off $35,000 of my debt and I only have a few thousand left. I brought my credit score up over two hundred points."

I almost cried as I asked her, "How did you do it?"

"I just decided to I focus on myself instead of all the drama around me. I worked really hard, cut my expenses, and only went out to eat on really special occasions. I still did the things I loved, but instead of doing them six times a month I did them once."

As I go after my list of 101 dreams come true, I hear people say that they can't go after their dreams because of their impossible financial situation. I hear the excuse that the economy is bad and that it isn't the right time. Sheila not only paid off her debt, but became a Special Olympics coach and local board member. This year, she traveled the country cheering on her athletes. She's also started her own business. She not only paid off her debt, but she made her life bigger than before.

When you think your dreams are impossible, realize that there's always a way. My friend works two jobs, and doesn't make anywhere close to six figures per year and yet she did this. The next time you don't think you can change your life, I hope you remember her story. When you focus your mind, anything is possible. I know her story inspired me.

Complacency

2010-10-05T17:04:00.000-07:00

48 Dreams Left on the Way to Making 101 Dreams Come True

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Last week a friend told me she wanted to change something about her life. I asked her what she wanted to do in order to make that change and she replied with a laugh, "Nothing. I just want it to happen."

I couldn't understand her complacency towards something important. Often people look at how I live and say, "It must be nice." They act as if a wand has been waved over my head and everything I desire just magically comes to me. In some ways, since making my list of dreams, my life feels as if there's a miraculous energy creating a path for my dreams to come true. In truth, I work hard, push to have what I want, settle for nothing less than magnificence, say 'yes' to the opportunities that come my way, and at times I'm exhausted with how much I do in order to have what I desire.

Too many people are complacent about life. They get comfortable with a routine and though they want more, they don't push themselves to step out of their rut. Many times they blame something or someone on why they can't have what they desire and look for new personal relationships to make them feel alive again.

This past weekend some friends and I took six children camping. I watched as the kids stood in muddy water up to their knees catching tiny fish in plastic cups. They swung in the hammock laughing together, then ran off to find secret hiding places in the woods. The littlest one found a kitten and she spent half an hour patiently creeping towards it to make friends. More than once, I heard the words "I'm bored" when they couldn't find something new to keep them entertained.

Children find the world intriguing. They're excited to explore and they can't sit still for very long. When they're upset, they voice their emotions, crying them out until the pain passes, then run to play again. They see the world in a beautiful light where laughter is a part of their daily routine.

I'm not sure what happens on the way to adulthood that we forget how to really taste life. At some point we become complacent. I think many times it's when our lives haven't measured up to the vision we had as young adults. We give up on our dreams and allow fear, daily pressures, and past emotions to be our excuses. But what if everyday we searched for new ways to enjoy life - to explore our world and our relationships? What if we used the hours watching television to laugh, have a pillow fight with a kid, enjoy a sunset, play a new instrument, jump on a trampoline, or plan a getaway.

In going after my dreams I feel as if there isn't enough time in one life to experience everything I desire, and I've made over thirty-four of my big dreams come true in the last two years. But in going after the big things, I've learned to enjoy the little things as if they were as big as my most spectacular dreams - like roasting marshmallows by a campfire or just going to a park to read a book.

So many people say that they don't have time to do what they want in life. But they only have one life to explore this incredible world. How can they not make the time to enjoy it?

A Vision of Feminism

2010-09-28T09:58:00.000-07:00

48 Dreams Left on My Way to Completing 101 Dreams Come True
www.101dreamscometrue.com

Jennifer Sleeman, an 80-year-old woman, from Ireland asked the faithful women of her country to boycott Sunday Mass on September 26, 2010. She wanted “to let the Vatican and the Irish church know that women are tired of being treated as second-class citizens." Her call moved beyond her own country to a worldwide cry for women to stay at home and pray for change. She claimed that women were the majority of the church and that together they had the strength to tell the patriarchal heir achy that the power of the pews comes from women.

My Pastor was upset when he heard that women of his parish were considering walking out on September 26th. Our church is an open, loving community, where all people are accepted and treated equal. I could see why Father Anthony might be hurt when I told him that women, even in his parish, were angry, but he listened as I spoke. I told him that as women we are taught from an early age that we are second class and that the men of biblical times were important while the women were mainly whores, crazy, or simply unimportant. There are scriptures about women, but few are read during mass that give women a sense of pride. During mass on September 26th, he acknowledged the women of our church and the important role we play so that healing could begin. It was a step towards change with a long journey ahead.

I was born a feminist. By the age of five, I'd decided I'd never take a man's name. I didn't understand why I wasn't allowed to become a priest or even an altar girl. I wanted to know why professional sports were all about men. I was angry whenever I was told that I was a pretty girl and should marry rich. Even the women in my life, who always told me I could do anything, still instilled the idea that I needed to know how to cook and clean to be a proper wife someday.

As I grew into a young woman, I encountered feminist who ridiculed me for how I dressed and lived. They felt because I wore high heels, make-up, feminine dresses, and allowed men to open doors for me, that somehow I lessened the female gender. I disagreed.

There is a power in being a woman. It has nothing to do with hair color or breast size. It comes from the softness of being feminine, and within that softness is a power equal to, if not stronger than, the warrior spirit of a man. A man becomes speechless at the sight of a confident, sexy woman, who knows who she is. When that same woman looks at a man with love and the need to be loved, his heart belongs to her. Since the beginning of time men's Achilles heels have been women and the fear of women's power caused femininity to be suppressed.

Somehow in our need to find equality, women haven't turned to this power, instead they've tried to become more like warrior men. I think this has left many men wondering who they are supposed to be in relationships, in the work place, and in life. They've been asked to be softer, more emotional, and many are unsure if they are supposed to open a door for a lady and pay for dinner or if they are insulting the woman when they do so. It has created a generation of lost gender identities and many men have become what my friend calls, 'flow boys', I'll go with whatever you want me to be. A therapist once told me, "We are trying so hard to build our girls that we are burying our men." This leads to women being frustrated, men being lost, and no one being able to be who they really are. In our search for equality as women, we've somehow decided that men need to be less or different. How is this any better?

I was speaking to my friend Jane from Midlifeblogger, and she said, "The definition of feminism, is that women should be able to be whatever they need to be without judgment while being treated equal to their male counters. If a woman wants to stay home and raise her babies she can still be a feminist." Then she added, "You my dear, are the face of the new feminism. You can be independent, travel the world, like who you are, speak your mind, and still allow yourself to be a feminine, soft spirit."

The more I go after my dreams and seek a life where I believe I can have it all, the more comfortable I become with who I am. I've come to realize that I love being a woman and as I embrace my femininity, my softer side, I feel more power in who I am.

For many years, men have dominated. There are women who believe that it is our time to be on top and that men should be lessened in order for balance. In truth, women aren't conquerors and to become like men would only create more masculine imbalance. In our softness we need to see, that it is in accepting one another for the true spirits we are that we can find balance, equality, and happiness.

Through The Lens

2010-09-21T17:03:00.000-07:00

48 Dreams Left on My Way to Completing 101 Dreams Come True

When I hold a camera in my hand the world becomes a different place. I see angles, tiny details, and ways to capture my experience. This past weekend, James, my photography teacher, took me to a private hillside vineyard overlooking Napa Valley. I'd forgotten my camera battery so he handed me his Cannon while he returned to the car to grab a corkscrew.

I walked the vineyard taking in the world's beautiful details: the way the sun hit a sunflower and how blue the sky looked next to its yellow petals; a bright red grape leaf against a rusted post; the way the trees framed the valley below; and how the setting sun cast light against the landscape. As I walked, a meditative calm wrapped me in presence.

When James returned, I handed him the camera and became shy about my ability. His pictures are breathtaking and I feel amateur in his company. As we shared a picnic, waiting for the perfect light of the setting sun, James continued to take pictures of the little details - my feet behind a glass of wine with the moonlight in the background. Wherever he turned he saw a shot that had to be taken - a beauty the world created. He didn't worry about making it perfect, he just shot.

When orange sunlight bathed the valley in magic, I walked to the best viewpoint for sunset. From behind, I could hear James taking pictures of me. I froze, an uncomfortable feeling making every muscle tighten with anxiety. I wanted James to turn the camera away.

I've always been camera shy - seeing only the imperfections in photos of myself. People tell me how uncomfortable I look in shots and that they don't do me justice.

The more I hang out with James, the more I wonder about this camera shyness. Why can I see such beauty in the world but not in myself?

When James handed me his camera, I froze again. He was standing right behind me and I was too worried about making mistakes. I realized that I do this with everything in my life. I'm so afraid of writing badly, that sometimes I can't write at all. With skating, I get frustrated and won't practice a particular exercise for fear of experiencing imperfection. Even with posting my dreams and trying to do justice to what I've experienced, I feel the description will never be good enough.

I'm trying so hard to shoot life dirty, but it's harder than I imagined. So today, I changed dream number seventy. It now reads - Be Imperfect. I know it sounds strange, but if it's my dream to make mistakes, or to look silly or once in awhile horrible in a picture, then hopefully I can live a little more fully - I can spend more time noticing all those little, beautiful details of the world. I can spend time wrapped up in the presence I feel when I'm seeing the world through my lens.

Last three photos on this blog were done by James Tennery. To see more of his photos go to his gallery.

Let There Be Peace

2010-09-14T13:56:00.000-07:00

48 Dreams Left on the Way to Completing 101 Dreams Come True

On September 11, 2010, I stood at the Sacramento Cathedral steps, the setting sun illuminating the church spires in pink, as white doves were released over the crowd. A soft song of "Let There Be Peace On Earth" was sung, as one by one, people placed roses on the Quran in blessing. Religious leaders from the Bahia, Jewish, Muslim, Catholic, Spiritual Life, Hindu, and different Christian religions read passages of peace from the Quran. The crowd was just as diverse, coming together in the understanding if we're to have peace on earth then prejudice must come to an end.

The ceremony was an attempt to heal the hurt caused by a man in Florida who called for the Quran to be burned. As I looked around the crowd, who stood together in a vision of a world united by differences instead of disgraced by ignorance, I was surrounded by hope.

When I made my list of 101 Dreams Come True, I wrote that I wanted to bring all faiths together in an open discussion for understanding. At the time, I wasn't part of organized religion but had my own spirituality that I hold to this day (though I'm now part of a Franciscan church). I didn't have contact with any Muslims, so my only knowledge of the Islamic faith was what I'd seen on newscasts, movies, and what I'd heard from other people. If I'm completely honest, I had prejudice towards many organized faiths (Catholicism being one) that I hadn't recognized.

But as I've searched for ways to make this dream come true of bringing faiths together, I've become part of the Interfaith Service Bureau of Sacramento that's opened my heart and mind to many religions: I've shared Ramadan in my Catholic Church; gone to Iftar at the SALAM center; prayed with Muslims in a mosque; taken a class on Monotheism led by Christian leaders, Rabbis, and an Imam; meditated with Unitarians; done Yoga with Hindus; walked through Potala Palace with a Buddhist monk; attended Non-denominational services; and have become an active member of my church. As I've studied faith, I've realized that all religions are based on the same ideals: a higher power; love; treating others better than we expect to be treated; and that humans so often get it wrong and need a little help along the way.

I have to wonder, if we're similar in our basic beliefs then why do we have a bloody history when it comes to religion? The only answer I have is that ideas are formed in ignorance and then passed along. It's only in learning and sharing with one another that we can end this horrible history of hate. For when people come together in peace, no matter what the faith, it brings forth love, understanding, and friendship. And isn't that what life is all about?

Photos on this blog were done by James Tennery. To see more photos of the event go to his gallery.

Turns Out I'm Infectious

2010-08-30T15:13:00.000-07:00

53 Dreams Accomplished on the Way to 101 Dreams Come True

This morning a skating friend said to me, "I saw your website. What you're doing is infectious." She explained that she and her husband have always had lists of dreams they'd like to do, but instead have spent most of their life working hard to build their business. They've found themselves bogged down by the daily grind and wondering what life is all about. She said that her daughter was following in their footsteps of becoming a workaholic. When my friend shared my website and my 101 Dreams Come True with her husband they began talking about the dreams they want to accomplish and they began to put a plan in motion.

Last week, I had some really down, depressed days. I was exhausted mentally and emotionally from family issues and I felt like I didn't want to continue making this journey public. No matter how pure my intentions are to help others, when someone says that I'm a showoff who needs to be the center of attention, or that they don't like being around me because of how I live my life, or better yet I'm told who I am and I'm not even allowed to defend my actions, it's defeating. Everyone wants to be seen for the person they are, and when that doesn't happen it hurts.

So last Tuesday, I curled into my blankets, ate ice cream, watched movies, and did a whole lot of crying. When I woke the next morning I didn't want to get out of bed. I wanted to stay in my cave, but instead I meditated, went skating, worked out, and wrote. I moved forward through the sadness and focused on what was good in my life.

Two days later, a friend made my 53rd dream come true. He found out that Beauty and The Beast was playing in San Francisco, and he bought 10th row orchestra tickets, booked a beautiful hotel room, sent me the largest flower bouquet I've ever received and flew in from Chicago to take me to the play. We went to dinner, the show, and then the Grand View room for dessert. He did it all just to put a smile on my face.

Today when my skating friend told me that making my dreams come true was infectious I had to think about how incredible this journey really has been. In the last month, three of my dreams have come true: seeing Vancouver, Hang Gliding, and now seeing Beauty and the Beast. Each one of these dreams came true because people wanted to share in my journey and to see me accomplish what I desired.

There are always going to be people who will judge unfairly and see the world from their perspective. I'm a sensitive person who will never be able to let people's comments roll off my back, especially those I love. Life will have it's ups and downs and days where bed, ice cream, and movies are critical therapy. But I've realized that though I may not please others by going after my dreams, I do build a life where even the hard things can't keep me down for long. And it turns out by shining my love for life, it's helping others to shine their light as well. Then they pass it along to another and there's a chain reaction. So here's to shining light no matter what someone says about me. What the heck, does it really matter what someone else says about me? Nope it only matters what I think. I'm the one living this life and I only get one shot at making it as full as possible. If I died tomorrow, opinions wouldn't matter in the least.

What's Different About You and BTW I Got Married

2010-08-19T11:17:00.000-07:00

52 Dreams Accomplished on the Way to Completing 101 Dreams Come True

Number 51 and 52 were checked off my list and what an adventure they were. For the last two weeks I've been traveling from my home town, up through Oregon, with a stop off in Portland for my friend's wedding, then onto Vancouver, up to Whistler, back through Oregon and California along the coastal route with another stop in the Redwood forest. The blog was shut down due to a robot deciding I was a spam blog (too bad I don't even know what that is) and I haven't been able to update my ramblings about my adventures. There is so much to tell and many pictures to share and I will try to do this in an orderly fashion over the next couple of weeks.

Last you heard from me I was headed to Portland to attend my friend Tam's wedding. It was a sweet ceremony where the couple couldn't take their eyes off one another with the intimate love they share evident in their smiles and eyes. I hadn't seen my friend or his close friends and family in almost three years. When I greeted them and shared hugs they stared at me. I heard statements like, "There's something different about you. Did you lose weight? Did you change your hair? You look amazing." I smiled and brushed off the compliments wanting to hear about their lives and how things had been. Throughout the night, the comments continued, "There's just something so different about you. What is it?"

Finally I said, "I'm happy now. I'm going after my dreams, I'm living the life I've always desired."

"But you were happy before. You traveled, had a great relationship, skated, I thought you had the perfect life."

And I had to wonder at the change. They were right, I did travel and skate before this journey, I was in a deeply committed relationship, but I wasn't living out loud and I wasn't happy. It was easy to pretend that I had the perfect life and show that to the world, even when inside I felt like I was dying. I wasn't falling in love with the world and seeing life from a perspective where dreams were meant to happen. I was living to please others and to keep peace. I was forcing myself to comply. I was settling for less than magnificence.

The next day I got married. It was a beautiful ceremony on the waterfront of Portland. I stood by a white cardboard chapel with Rev. Mart Sepulveda as she rapped and committed me to my journey of completing my 101 Dreams Come True. I said my vows, that no matter how hard, no matter what roadblocks found me, I would continue on this incredible journey of mine. She placed a small pinch ring on my left finger and pronounced me married to myself.

I loved it. What an incredible concept. That marriage isn't just about committing yourself to another person, but making a commitment to the things that matter most in your life.

So now, I can finally ease all those people's minds that worry that this journey and my independence will keep me from ever getting married and being happy. I'm married now to the happiest dream I could ever imagine - a life filled with the greatest decadence and beauty this world can bring.

Perception

2010-08-10T08:23:00.000-07:00

51 Dreams Accomplished on My Way to 101 Dreams Come True

I thought I had packed well for my trip through Oregon and then up to Vancouver. I had shorts and t-shirts along with a couple of fleeces for camping. I had my fancy city clothing. I even remembered a rain jacket.

Now that I've reached a few of my destinations I've realized that living in California has changed my perception of weather. For seven years, I've experienced brutal heat during the day without seeing a rain cloud for up to seven months. During the "winter" in California, I wear light jackets and I believe that warm spring weather starts the beginning of March. I have no concept that when I leave the state I should bring a jacket for cool nights during the summers months or that I would need long underwear to keep me warm while camping in the mountains.

While camping by a lake in Oregon, as I swung in my hammock wrapped in two fleeces, I thought about how where I live has changed how I think about the world.

When I lived in New England my life flowed with the seasons. I wore sweaters in the fall when the leaves changed and the air smelled like apples. I remembered to bring rain gear when I went camping in the summer and brought warm clothing for the nights. I knew the flowers and leaves didn't bud till mid-May, and I was always dressed like an Eskimo in winter. I saw the world through this vision of life. I would've never considered going to Europe in the middle of March since I knew the weather could possibly be horrendous. Yet, this year it never crossed my mind until after I booked my trip that the weather would be anything but beautiful.

As the sun set, and I stared at the Milky Way, I thought about my journey of making my dreams come true. There was a time when I believed that dreams were meant for other people. I came from a background of financial hardship. My family didn't dream of traveling the world, they worked hard just to make ends meet. The thought that one day I would see Paris was the furthest I would allow my mind to wander.

On the first night of my trip, I was walking through the campground at Crater Lake trying to find a hiking trail. I stopped to ask directions and when the woman looked at me to answer, I realized she was a friend from Massachusetts I hadn't seen in seven years. I spent two days camping with her and her husband as they showed me areas of Oregon I wouldn't have seen. When we separated, they invited me to their home when I drive back to California. She said to me, "Things like this just never happen."

"They do to me," I replied. I realized that since taking this journey I've begun to expect that miracles will happen - that my dreams will come to me in unexpected ways and with them it will bring people and experiences that I didn't even know I wanted or needed. My perception is changing.

I realized that this is the reason I've decided to make this journey public. I want to change the perception people have about life. Because what if we did believe that the world is a sunny, warm place where dreams are meant to come true? If I can do this, if I can complete my life-list, then maybe others will believe it too.

Bards in Tights, Dancing Through the Night, and Swinging In Hammocks

2010-08-03T11:04:00.000-07:00

51 Dreams Left to Complete 101 Dreams Come True

I knew my weekend was going to be good when it started on a Thursday night sitting by the bright blue waters of Lake Tahoe. As the sun set, my friend and I feasted on a picnic while three men took on the task of performing the complete works of William Shakespeare Abridged at the Lake Tahoe Shakespeare Festival. I love Shakespeare and there is no better place to experience it than sitting on a beach surrounded by mountains with the sound of lapping water in the distance. It gives the work a surreal romantic effect.

Of course this year, the romance wasn't quite the same. Instead of the typical Shakespearean experience of serious literature, the three actors wore neon pink, yellow, and green tights with Converse high tops with period clothing. To give you some idea of how insane the show became I quote, "To be or not to be, that is the question....Bella I sparkle in the sunlight, do you love me or do you love Jacob?" The show was campy, raunchy, and utterly hilarious. I laughed till my cheeks were covered in salt from the tears.

On Saturday night I attended the Wanderlust Yoga and Music Festival. We sat ten feet from Moby as he played an acoustic set. The music seemed to vibrate the mountains with beauty and tranquility. Children sat in their parent's laps or stood on their shoulders and it felt like an innocence flowed through the crowd.

As the hours went by, the music revved in intensity. We danced to reggae and then to techno. Fire-dancers performed on stage and throughout the crowd. I lost myself in the music letting it move me until I felt like I had disappeared into the night sky, the stars, the mountains, and the beauty around me (I wasn't doing drugs, I don't partake. The high I speak of is a natural one that comes from losing yourself in the present moment, forgetting the ego and the mind, and letting go to life).

The next day found me on a beach, swinging in a hammock while I took in the scenery around me. I had no desire to move or to even read. I was content, looking at the beauty of my surroundings while I relaxed.

It was a sensual weekend: I felt the world around me; saw it's beauty; tasted great food; drank beautiful wines; felt loved by friendship; listened to great art; and touched life and all that is wonderful.

As I sat in a Jacuzzi bubble bath, drinking wine and eating chocolate covered strawberries and blueberries, I thought, this is why I began this journey - to taste life bigger, to experience the decadence of the world, and by some amazing gift I'm doing it in a more magnificent way than I ever thought possible.

The next two weeks will be about living life this way. I'm off to pack to begin my journey to make two more of my dreams come true. I will be heading to Oregon tomorrow. I've never seen this state, and though it isn't formally on my list of dreams, it's a place I've always wanted to see. From Portland I will go to Vancouver to complete my dream of seeing this area. I'm blessed by the fact that a friend is bringing me to enjoy her family while showing me the city.

If the weather is in my favor, which I pray it will be, I will head to Whistler to go hang gliding in Pemberton with Gravity Sports. I've spoken briefly to Jon who will be making this dream of mine come true. I love his attitude about why he enjoys flying tandem hang gliding. As he put it, "I'm more than happy to help you on your quest Marci. That is the biggest reason I do tandems. My mission is to offer a fun and professional flying experience, using the combination of the best equipment and techniques to hopefully making people's flying dreams become a reality. I love to watch their joy afterward. It's such a rewarding and satisfying vibe, giving me an inner glow that tends to last a while."

Last night, I saw that someone quoted me on their blog and then made a list of their own of 101 Dreams Come True. By doing what I love, I've made others feel that they can do it as well. I love that Jon from Gravity Sports does what he loves and in the process is able to enhances people's lives.

It's thought to be selfish to go after what we love for personal reasons, but by being selfish and living our dreams, we effect the world around us. I believe it is everyone's right and responsibility to live a life of fulfillment. You never know how it will ultimately change the world.

Something Funny Happened on the Way to Failure

2010-07-28T08:41:00.000-07:00

51 Dreams Left on My List of 101 Dreams Come True

I recently took my novice moves in the field test in figure skating. I had worked for seven months and in the final six weeks I pushed my body to the point of exhaustion. Though I skated well during the test, and was proud of my accomplishment, the judges gave me two tenths of a point lower than what I needed to pass. I had failed and in front of everyone.

The wind was taken from my sail. I was crushed and upset especially since I felt I deserved to pass. It had been my one chance to pass this set of moves before the entire system changed and now I had to learn all new criteria. All my hard work was for nothing. Plus, I had to face everyone and tell them I failed.

A funny thing happened when I told people I didn't pass. People congratulated me on my hard work and how much I had accomplished. They cheered me on and lifted me up. There was no pity for me and I wasn't embarrassed. It turned out, that failing wasn't so bad.

I've spent my life worried that if I failed in front of people that I would somehow be lessened. I put a tremendous amount of stress on each thing I've pursued for fear of failure. In some ways this pushes me to achieve a higher level, but it also causes anxiety and sometimes blocks me completely.

We place so much emphasis in our culture on final outcomes that many times we forget to pay attention to the journey along the way and all that we've gained. We fear failure, so many times we don't even start down the path we desire. But the truth is that the only way we can fail in life is if we never begin. We aren't always going to get what we believe we deserve. Hard work won't always be rewarded or even acknowledged, but if we look outside ourselves for that praise and reward we will always be doing things for the wrong reason.

I've also realized that when I put emphasis on a final outcome as the prize, I lose steam when it doesn't come the way I desired. I whine that I worked hard and I don't have anything left to keep going. This is when I take a break, dust myself off, and realize that life isn't about the end result - since the only end result to life is death - it really is about getting everything I can from the journey.

Shooting Life Dirty

2010-07-13T12:16:00.000-07:00

50 Dreams Accomplished on My Way to 101 Dreams Come True

I am a perfectionist and I don't do failure well. I'm accustomed to winning, to succeeding, and to getting what I set out to achieve. The thought of failing, of doing something in a mediocre way, has a freezing effect on me. I've been experiencing this freezing, or block on a regular basis these days as I try to go for more in my life.

This Saturday I'm going after my Novice moves test in skating. This test is a huge jump from the last and I've been working hard since last December to achieve the level it will take in order to pass. Many elite skaters fail this test the first couple of tries. Up until this point, I've passed every test with higher marks than necessary and the judges have complimented me on my test. This time I'm unsure if I have what it takes and I've been thinking of ways out of taking the test for fear that not only will I not pass above, but that I will actually fail.

Last night, as I stood in a beautiful vineyard, my camera in hand, I found myself rather shy in front of my teacher. Many times I saw a shot that he also saw, and instead of getting down and into it, I walked away looking for something different. I didn't want to show him any of my shots. Yet when I looked at the pictures he'd taken there were some great ones but many were things he'd throw out. As he's been teaching me he's talked about shooting dirty, not trying to make a shot perfectly framed and lighted, but letting the blips in perfection create a natural beauty.

If I could find a way to stop worrying about perfection and let myself shoot life dirty, then maybe I wouldn't be stressed. If I stop caring about failing and decide that each try is a learning experience and enjoy the moment, then...well goodness there would be nothing left to worry about. So on this journey of pursuing my dreams, I'm going to try to shoot life a little dirty and stop trying to make everything live up to this perfection I believe I'm supposed to accomplish. Let's see if it works. Heck I figured out how not to spend so much time on the computer, how hard can this be?

Half Way

2010-07-09T15:02:00.000-07:00

51 Dreams Left on My List of 101 Dreams Come True

So it happened, I hit number fifty on my list of dreams. I haven't had time to update the website, so look for the description in the coming weeks.

I wanted the halfway mark to be something symbolic I could carry for the rest of my life. I decided the dream that would most fit this purpose would be to buy a beautiful piece of jewelry for myself. This way, whenever I wore the piece it would remind me that I had the courage to break through doubt and fear to go after what I really desired.

This dream, like many others, came about in an unusual way - my house was broken into, all of my jewelry was stolen, and I had insurance money to go shopping. I replaced much of the costume pieces by having a jewelry party with my girls. My mother gave me pearls for my birthday, but I couldn't find the one piece that I would want to wear forever as a reminder.

Then two days ago, as I was running errands, I saw a jewelry store. I went inside, and the first ring I saw was the one. A diamond center, set in white gold it curves around my finger with tiny leaves and more diamonds. It's a one of a kind piece designed by the jeweler of the store.

The greatest part of this purchase was meeting the woman who sold it to me. She said that her motto was to never settle for less. That at one point she was about to marry a doctor who seemed perfect on paper, but she wondered if she could spend her life making the relationship fit. She decided to walk away. Four months later she met a man in Border's and though he seemed wonderful she wasn't ready to exchange numbers. Little did she know that she employed one of his students and that her employee would overhear his teacher talking about the woman he met at the bookstore. The young man told his teacher where this amazing woman worked and brought the two of them together. They've now been married seventeen years with two beautiful children.

When I look at my ring, I remember how I decided not to settle in life. With fifty dreams come true, I've changed who I am, how I look at the world, and have fallen in love with life and myself. I'm still a work in progress. Doubt still walks with me as I pursue the rest of my dreams. I'm taking a skating test next Saturday as I try to accomplish my dream of reaching Senior Moves in figure skating, and I've been in a bad mood as I contemplate failing. I'm also trying to achieve things in my career and before I've even begun I see the failure that could happen. My fears haven't happened. I could just as easily see my endeavors in a positive light, yet my mind chooses to see the worst case scenario. I'm unsure why I still do this after all the miracles that have come into my life. Hopefully, when I reach 101 Dreams Come True, I will finally put these nagging thoughts to rest.

What a Glorious Way to Live

2010-06-29T14:16:00.000-07:00

Fifty-two dreams left on my list of 101 Dreams Come True.

When I made my list of dreams, I never thought that my dreams would happen more than once or change my life in such a drastic way.

I was in Napa Valley when I made my list and I wanted the chance to attend a private party at a winery. It was a simple passing thought of decadence, yet it turned out to be one of the first dreams to ever come true. Not only did I go to the Perez family vineyard for Fourth of July three weeks after making my list, but I returned last year and this year's celebration will find me back at the vineyard. I've become part of a family and no longer need an invitation.

But it turns out that this dream come true wasn't done. Last Saturday, my friend Maryland invited me to a private Renaissance party at Castello Di Amorosa in Napa.

As the sun set we arrived in a SUV limo. Dressed in period clothing, I wore a maiden's outfit with a wreath of flowers in my hair while Maryland wore a Paige's outfit.

We drank wine, watched jousting, played with swords, and sat in the king and queen's thrones all while taking in the beauty of the Napa Valley at sunset.

At night fall we headed to the banquet area and feasted on fresh vegetables, pork, chicken, and strawberries. Ginger cake, powdered cookies, and scones were paired with sweet wines while fire dancers entertained the crowd.

After dinner we walked through the castle, exploring the stone caves deep within the belly of the property. Here we found torture chambers and barrel rooms.

It was a night of laughter, which ended in new friendships and another one of my dreams coming true. James, the man I'm beheading, has offered to teach me photography. He's an incredible artist, and I'm ecstatic that he is willing to teach me his craft.

I'm realizing, that to pursue my dreams has opened my world in ways I never imagined. The way the dreams come is always a surprise, and so far each dream has exceeded what my mind could conjure. Here's to fifty-two more dreams coming true in mysterious magnificence. To live a life of dreams, to believe that they are possible, is the grandest way I can live.

How's your list going?

A Summer of Dreams

2010-06-22T21:46:00.000-07:00

52 Dreams Left to Complete 101 Dreams Come True

I've been spending some quality time in a hammock along the American river. My friend brought it with him, when he came to visit from Chicago, and we set it up between two trees and spent a leisurely afternoon swinging while we stared at the sunlight coming through the leaves. Unfortunately, this is the only summery thing I've done.

For the most part, my June has been about work. Many opportunities are presenting themselves, doors are opening in unexpected ways, and I've been working long hours. Instead of going after my dreams, I've been updating the website on the dreams that have already come true. I've been working on business models and marketing strategies in order to spread the idea that making a list of dreams and pursuing those dreams can change your life. I never expected to do any of these things. Heck, I didn't plan on creating a website, but as more people from around the globe find the site, I realize that there's a chance I might be able to inspire others.

I'm also skating my heart out. In order to pursue my dream of passing my senior moves in figure skating, I've been spending over ten hours per week on the ice to pass my next test - novice moves. It's a huge step up from the skater I am. Each time I step on the ice I'm afraid to do the moves, but each day they become easier. A minor fender bender in May slowed my progress when it caused my lower back to spasm, but with chiropractic I'm able to go after my dream. I don't know if I will pass the test, but I'm going to give it everything I have.

So June has been about work. Not that there hasn't been some decadence thrown in. I did go to Los Angeles for my birthday. And the weekend I spent with my friend from Chicago was filled with wine tastings, long lazy hammock naps, fancy dress-up dinners, and a few hours lounging in the park. Oh and I can't forget the decadent chocolate cake I had on Saturday night. But if I want this summer to be amazing I have to start making a plan to go after what I want: white water kayaking, bungee jumping, hang gliding, camping trips, salsa dancing, and a whole lot of outdoor fun.

I think I've built my life so big that I now need three of me to enjoy all of it.

What dreams do you want to come true this summer?
Check out the new discussion boards on the website and be one of the first to post.

What has Happened to Our Society?

2010-06-16T07:25:00.000-07:00

Fifty-two dreams left on my list of 101 Dreams Come True

Last Friday night, I was visiting friends and they had the television on. There was a time in my life, when television was my main form of entertainment. My partner and I would Tivo our favorite shows and spend over three hours per night watching the silver box in the living room. During the day, I took many breaks from writing and turned on the t.v. in order to wind down my brain. I'm afraid to count the hours I spent in front of the television. I'm certain it would add up to months of my life wasted.

When I left the relationship I made a pact with myself not to watch television. If I was going to change my life, I needed to get away from watching other people living and go out and get active. I'm not saying that I don't enjoy the occasional show. I'm rather addicted to reruns of "Gilmore Girls" and I find "Modern Family" hilarious, but my life is much richer and fuller now that I've turned off the tube.

But back to my original point, I had no idea what people were watching these days. I hadn't heard of "Keeping Up With the Kardashians", "Holly", or "Dance Your Ass Off". I had never watched the "Bachelorette". I was shocked by how many people watch hours of over-privileged, spoiled, pathetic people with no real sense of morality fighting with one another and bitching about life. Why would someone waste their time watching this? I'm told the show is hilarious, and I'm not trying to judge, but how is this funny?

Then last night, in the desperate attempt to clear the vision of the Celtics losing badly to the Lakers, I changed the channel to a show where Jillian Michaels from "The Biggest Loser" goes into homes of people who are overweight and over-cluttered to help them change their lives. It's a great concept and something needed in our country, but I had to wonder what people from other countries must think about the fact that the U.S. needs so many shows to de-clutter and to lose weight. How have we become such a bloated, complacent, over-stuffed (in many ways not just food) culture?

What has happened to our society? We have more in this country than any other place in the world. We have some of the best medical, every opportunity open to us, and as a friend from S. Africa put it, the poorest person in America is better off than a large population of the world. So why are so many people miserable? Why has it become okay to sit in a large house, dump junk food down your throat, and complain about life while ruining your health? Why don't people want more? Oh that's right, they get more by shopping and over-stuffing their garages and homes with things they don't need.

I hear too many complaints about the economy, our government, and the world today. Yet, I don't see Americans doing anything about it. If every person who sat and watched the Kardashian sisters scream at one another, got off the couch and went after their dreams of a better life, or yet helped change the state of our country, can you imagine what our world would be like? I can, and it's a much prettier picture than the one we have. Better yet, if all the hours that were spent on Facebook, "connecting" to other people, were spent with family or out doing something with actual people, could our world be a better place? I believe it could be.

People keep saying that it must be nice to be able to live a life in which I pursue my dreams. My response, turn off the television, Facebook, Twitter, and go out and live. And when I say turn off the internet stuff, I also mean that when you are out doing an activity stop updating your social network sites with what a great time you are having and actually spend time with the people around you. You might make deeper connections.

If Only I Could Twist My Brain Sooner

2010-06-10T11:09:00.000-07:00

Fifty-two dreams left on my list of 101 Dreams Come True

I woke this morning thinking that I might be wrong in some of my thinking. The more I pondered, the more I began to wonder if as a society we have made serious mistakes in our thought process that leads to painful lives. You will have to bear with me, as these thoughts are coming from the recesses of my brain that have been smushed into submission by learned theories.

Yesterday, I received an email from a man with whom I'd shared a relationship for the last year. At times, he could be supportive of the website and my decision to pursue my dreams. At other times, he was angry, grumpy and distant when I spoke about actually pursuing anything that didn't include him. In the end he tried to change and was rather supportive when I went to Europe this last time, but while I traveled I realized how happy I was on my own. Upon returning, I didn't wish to be with him anymore. I'd spent eight months crying and no matter how much he said he changed I didn't wish to be hurt any longer or to fight to be who I am in a relationship. I didn't do this casually, I took time to think, but when I told him my choice his response was an email that went straight back to the fights that had made me cry for eight months.

When I received this man's email, I had to ask why I put up with hurting for so long. There was good in the relationship, and in some ways I was manipulated into falling into the beauty in a repeating pattern of good and then hurt. If I'm honest with myself, I stayed because in some ways I believed that by being this outgoing, independent woman, I was unlovable. There is still a certain idea of who a woman should be in a relationship and though I tried to fight the stigma I'm told on a regular basis that who I am is wrong.

Through the ups and downs of the last year I feared that I would end up alone; another reason I stayed. Yet, once I left, my happiness returned. I remembered who I was without the constant weight of the manipulation. In leaving, in feeling happy within myself, I woke up and wondered how I could've ever thought it was okay to be treated the way he treated me. Why couldn't my brain twist to this conclusions so much sooner?

I'm beginning to wonder how many other ideas keep me from living an even more incredible life. Maybe fighting to make something right isn't the way it's supposed to be. We are an intense society with our roots in hard work, determination, and struggle. I don't believe in complacency. I know I won't reach my goals without going after them, but maybe life is supposed to be about flowing instead of battling. And when something doesn't feel right, when it's an extreme struggle, maybe that's a sign that it's the wrong road.

Two Year Anniversary of 101 Dreams Come True List

2010-06-08T10:45:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow is the two year anniversary of when I made my list of dreams. When I think of all that has changed in my life it amazes me that only two years have passed - thirty dreams have come to completion and my life is forever changed.

I've been thinking about the emotional state I was in when I made my list of dreams. I'd just celebrated my birthday with the present of tremendous heartache. I felt like my insides overflowed with pain and that my life had little purpose. I had no idea where I was going and I felt alone.

This past Friday I celebrated my birthday in a much different way. It started on Wednesday night, when my California parents threw me a dinner party that included lawn bowling, charades, and a whole lot of laughter and love. Friday was another party where I learned how to pole dance. (Ladies you have to try this. It's like being on the playground again, but in a sexier way.) Then my friends took me dancing. The next day, I went to Los Angeles for more celebration. I've been flooded with presents, lunches, friendship, well-wishes, flowers, and most importantly love and a sense of belonging.

Going after my dreams continues to open my life in ways I couldn't have imagined. I've been asked by someone who saw the site if I would consider speaking in El Salvador about going after dreams and focusing your mind to create the life you want. This man wants to create a foundation where we would use the website to sell fair trade products to create jobs in third world countries while inspiring people to go after their dreams of a better life. A similar opportunity is opening in Romania. I don't know if either will work, but I can dream that this journey of mine can not only change my life, but help others to change theirs as well.

In all that has come to me, I've realized that I need to stop putting a time limit on when I complete my list. I originally placed the time limit because I didn't want to lose my focus. Now that going after my dreams has become a deeper part of my being, I no longer want to rush the experience. I want this journey to take me where it will lead without preconceived notions or stress.

I've always viewed my birthday as my New Year. When I think about what I want for this coming year, I realize I want to live as decadently as I can - to taste life without fear, worry, or self-doubt. I want it all and in the process of living to the fullest I hope that I can also help others to do the same.

It's a decadent life if you want it to be - go live it that way.

The Question of Settling

2010-05-22T09:10:00.000-07:00

744 Days to Complete 101 Dreams Come True

From the Alchemist by Paulo Coelho

The old man pointed to a baker standing in his shop window. "When he was a child, that man wanted to travel, too. But he decided first to buy his bakery and put some money aside. When he's an old man, he's going to spend a month in Africa. He never realized that people are capable, at any time in their lives, of doing what they dream of."

According to Webster's dictionary the word 'settle' means: to accept despite complete satisfaction. I hate to say this, but I believe this describes most people's lives. They begin with big dreams and somehow, like the baker in the story of the Alchemist, they get stuck in a rut complaining about what they hate and dreaming of things changing without being willing to do the work.

The more I forge forward on this journey of settling for nothing less than magnificence in my life, the more I see and hear how people settle. I didn't notice before. In fact, many times I was jealous of others lives that seemed more stable. I'm not saying that everyone is settling. You don't have to want to go after 101 dreams in order to be happy. But too many people tell me about their unhappiness and make excuses for why they can't change something.

There's always a way. At any moment you can change your life and go after your dreams. It might not be easy. No one ever said this journey of mine is all peaches and cream. Though I must say it's much easier than what I thought it was going to be. I spent five years afraid and all I had to do was step out of my fear. I was terrified to take that first step. The months after seemed the most painful of my life - yet when I look back I don't see the hurt but the strength that came from the pain and how much I grew.

At any time, your dreams are just a step away. They may take work, risk, a complete change, but they're possible. I'm living proof of that, and I'm no different than you.

A Mother's Belief

2010-05-10T08:35:00.000-07:00

756 Days to Complete 101 Dreams Come True

After nine hours of sleep last night, I've recovered from the fun this weekend. Friday night was a trip to a 1920's saloon where I did a little swing dancing, made a few friends, and somehow ended up at a truck-stop for pancakes with a strange need to buy a Betty Boop picture frame (I didn't give in to temptation, but at three in the morning it seemed like a great idea). Saturday found me surrounded by friends, music, and art at Sacramento's Art Walk where I won a certificate to a spa. Add in a street festival and a great movie and it was a full weekend.

On Sunday, I had the gift of taking my Sacramento mom to brunch for Mother's day. As we sat eating yummy food and listening to the live performers singing in Spanish, I told my California mom about all the great memories I have of my mother, who I couldn't hug yesterday due to an entire country being between us.

My favorite childhood memory is of my mother wrapping her arms around me and singing, "Me and my baby together are we. Don't know nobody as happy as we. When we're together we're great company. I love my baby, my baby loves me." My mother always sang little ditties and did cute dances to make me smile. Now we talk on the phone once per week for a few hours, and I only see her two to three times per year, yet I don't feel the distance. I carry her in my heart and with every dream come true, I thank her for the gift she gave me.

My mother was the one who taught me to dream. When I was a child, finances were tight and we had very little. My mother worked fifteen years at a job she hated to provide the essentials and the little extras when she could. She wanted more for my brother and I so she taught us meditation, visualization, and creating vision boards for the things we desired. She told us on a regular basis that we could have our dreams.

I think when I sat in the park that day wondering how to change my life, it was my mother's teachings that brought me to make the list. If I could envision what I wanted then I could achieve it. Her early lessons showed me that life could be miraculous. I guess that's why I've decided to make this journey public - I'm trying to give others the gift my mother gave to me.

Thank you mom, for everything you've given me. With all my love, Marci

Someday Never Comes

2010-05-07T12:36:00.000-07:00

759 Days to Complete 101 Dreams Come True

A girlfriend asked me if I had faith that she'd change her life. In the past I would've pacified her fears and said how I believed in her strength while keeping my real opinions inside. But before I could stop my mouth I said, "I believe we'll be having this same conversation five years from now just as we've had it for the last two. I think you will continue to make excuses, daydream about the day when you will be free from the pain, and you won't do anything about it."

"Why can't you just have faith in me?" she yelled. "I need you to tell me that I can do this and that everything will be okay. I need you to be my friend."

I realized at this moment that there's a high to believing things will change. The daydream is safe. The motivational conversations addictive. There is a comfort in the word 'someday'. When you live this way you don't have to take responsibility for your own life. You can live in a fantasy that has nothing to do with reality. It's not until you take the step to change what you dislike that you find out what the truth looks like.

Too many people in this world dream of someday. Someday they will travel, be the weight they want, leave their dead marriage, get out of the boring job, be rich, feel safe, etc. Someday doesn't come. Today is the day you have. If there is something you hate about your life no amount of faith from someone else can change it; no amount of talking about what bothers you will make a difference. Motivational seminars and quotes aren't going to bring you to the life you long for.

The only way to live the life of your dreams is to stop talking about it and do it. Fear is always going to walk with you. Failure is going to be a possibility. Both are better than stagnation and living in a dream world that doesn't exist.

A Day to Savor Life

2010-05-04T07:43:00.000-07:00

762 Days to Complete 101 Dreams Come True

Since I'm a travel addict, most of the dreams on my list are about seeing the world. I love being on the road, each day a new adventure as I take in the sights, sounds, tastes, and experiences of being someplace I've never been. On my last trip, I realized that this need to travel has more to do with the person I become rather than the places I visit.

When I travel, life becomes about the moment. I wake each morning feeling as if my day is a present about to be unwrapped and I get excited to find out what will be revealed: a new friend, food I've never tried, or something that takes my breath away. Even getting lost and missed trains are adventures. When I'm home, life becomes about tasks that need to be done, and sometimes I'm so overwhelmed I forget how to experience life from my travel perspective.

You don't have to get on a plane to have an adventure. Your backyard or just a few miles down the road can hold excitement and presents yet to be unwrapped. It's the attitude by which you approach the world and your day that will create what happens.

Most people plan their outings. Today we will go to wine country, visit these vineyards, eat at this restaurant, and then be home by this time. Or they head to the ocean, making their way directly to the hotel and then to the activities they've read about in books or have done in the past.

I challenge you to make a day this month a surprise adventure. Wake-up and with each step you take be present in the moment. Go to a new cafe or sit outside to eat your breakfast, but make certain what you eat is something you've never tried. Stop and savor the taste as if you were on a leisurely vacation. Then go for a walk or into a part of town you've always liked. A gourmet food shop is a great place to visit because it holds many treasures of things you've never tried. If you enjoy reading, go to a park with the best cup of coffee in town and a little dessert and spend time reading, drinking, looking at the scenery and people taking time to notice the little details of life.

Another way to have a great adventure is to pack an overnight bag and get in your car. Point the automobile in a direction and see where it takes you. Once again, take in your surroundings. You have no place you need to be, so you don't have to focus on when you'll arrive. If something looks interesting stop and enjoy the moment. When you fall in love with a place, find a hotel and stay.

The point of this exercise is to relish how decadent and exciting life can be. It's all about the experience not the completion of a goal. Too many times, life is about rushing from one place to another without stopping to enjoy living. So take the time and give yourself the gift of a day where all you do is savor life.

Throwing Out the Guidebook: The Best Way to A Great Vacation

2010-04-29T11:59:00.000-07:00

767 Days to Complete 101 Dreams Come True

Nine years ago I started traveling the world. I've been to Europe, Africa, Central America, Asia, New Zealand, and throughout the U.S. and Canada. You would think that my bookcase would be filled with guide books but it's not. The last time I bought a guide book was nine years ago.

Most people buy their guide book before their trip and plan out an itinerary. Not unlike an organized tour, they have planned every moment of their vacation trying to fit in too much. They leave little space for the unexpected or stepping off the tourist path. For some this kind of trip is great. Many people like to fit in as much as possible while barely experiencing anything. Take for example the people who rush through the Louvre snapping pictures of artwork with their iphones and then moving on. Have they really looked at the Mona Lisa - well how can anyone look at it with all the flashbulbs going off?

Ask anyone about their last vacation and I guarantee that they will talk about seeing the big tourist attractions, but their eyes will light up when they tell you the story of the unexpected that happened while away: the bakery they found where they got their coffee each morning and spoke with the locals; the children who wanted their pictures taken; the person they met on a train who they spent the day with; or even how they got lost on a hike. It's the surprises people remember the most. The other problem with planning an itinerary is that if you're too tired one day to march through museums you can change things at the last minute without feeling like you missed out. This way you experience your trip in a more relaxed manner.

So how do you travel without a guidebook? How do you find your way around? How will you know where to eat or what to see?

Here are a few suggestions for making your next trip an adventure you will never forget. First, go online and look for hotels in your price range through a site like Kayak.com. Then go to TripAdvisor and look for reviews of the hotels listed - better than any guidebook, real travelers give their honest opinions. It's a good way to find out if there are bedbugs or if there is construction going on next door. Guidebooks are often outdated, but you can read a review from someone who stayed at the hotel the week before. I don't like spending time booking accommodations while on the road because it takes time away from my vacation, but it can easily be done from a computer once you've arrived. Always book your first night because you will be exhausted from travel.

Once you have your accommodations and transportation, pack your bags and get on the plane. While in the airport look around for the person or group that looks like they're heading home. Approach them and say, "Hi, I'm visiting blank for the first time and I was wondering if you have any suggestions for what I should see while I'm there?"

People love to share their enthusiasm for the place they live. Approaching someone often opens a lively conversation that also makes the wait in the airport fly by. When you get to your hotel, go to the front desk or the concierge and tell them that you're interested in visiting the city more like a local, but that you also want to see the main highlights. The person will pull out a map and give you all the information you need. Make certain to take it one step further and ask, "What are your favorite things to do?" This opens the person up to share their love of the city or place they live. Many times they will send you to local restaurants never found in guidebooks (Note: Always try to eat away from main attractions - the prices and food are tourist and not the local flavor. Even going one block further will give you a better chance for a nice meal). If the hotel offers you tours, ask them how you can do the same thing by using public transportation. Sometimes these people work on commission or they are afraid you will be lost and will tell you it's impossible to do things without a tour. Thank them and move on. It's always possible to go without a tour and it will save you mucho bucks.

Now a word about getting lost. I highly recommend it. Since your time isn't booked to the max with a specific itinerary you won't be stressed about missing out on anything. Take a wrong turn, (should be done only in daylight), ask for directions, while you're at it, stop in at a little shop that looks interesting, wander without aim, people watch. On my perfect day in Paris, I walked in a direction without a plan and ended up in the best gelato shop and then found a tiny store with handmade designer clothing. If you're in a car, take that road that looks like it leads to nowhere. Stop and see the fields on the side of the road.

You might wonder about language barriers. Smiles, hand gestures and pointing at maps (which you can get at any train station or airport from the information booths) works great. It might not be the right place, but you're in a foreign place, it's all part of the experience.

So here's the real question. Are you willing to give up the idea of what your adventure should be like? Are you willing to let go of control and living safe in exchange for living in the moment? Sure go ahead and reserve tickets at the Uffizi so you don't stand in long lines, but leave the rest to chance. You may see less, but you will experience more.

If you're unsure of doing this in a foreign country stay tuned for my next blog on how to do this right around the corner from your house.

Multitasking Overload

2010-04-26T17:46:00.000-07:00

770 Days to Complete 101 Dreams Come True

The other day I was having a conversation with a friend while I was doing my hair, getting dressed, and eating a quick snack. At the same time, she was driving and telling me how she just rushed out her door with a Power Bar dangling from her mouth as she juggled all the items she needed for a skating competition. I always thought that the ability to multitask was a good quality, but I'm beginning to rethink my opinion.

Since returning from Europe, I've noticed how much I multitask. I'll throw food on the stove and then walk away. Then in my mad dash to complete other tasks I forget to return to the kitchen and many meals have had a charred taste to them. I've eaten many meals at my computer or while reading books without paying attention to what I was putting in my mouth (not a bad thing considering how the food tasted, but otherwise not a healthy way to eat).

What I've realized about living this way is that it's impossible to enjoy the moment. How can you taste the food you're eating while running out the door, driving, or working? How can you be present in a conversation when you're distracted by doing housework?

I've also found that multitasking is inefficient. While I was in Europe I felt like I had extra time. I was on vacation and the typical worries of cleaning a home or running errands were gone, but I was surprised at how much I did in a day. It wasn't unusual to start my morning with an hour work-out, cook a nice breakfast and sit and enjoy it, then take a long bubble bath and get ready for the day. I walked to the train or bus and traveled an hour or more each day on public transportation. I spent hours in museums, shops, and restaurants. I walked almost five hours per day and had time for leisurely conversations with the people I met. I cooked dinner almost every night. I wrote, payed my bills, worked, emailed friends, and did photography. I never felt stressed.

In America, stress and being overwhelmed is a sign of success. If you work long hours, overload your life, complete three tasks at once, you have a full life. I think we're doing it wrong. We've stopped enjoying the moment and we live in the to-do lists of life (not the fun life-lists). Then we fall into exhaustion in front of a computer or television.

Maybe we need a lifestyle remodel. If we stop feeling guilty about enjoying life we might be healthier, happier, and more engaged in enjoyment. If we give up multitasking along with our technology addictions, we might have more focus to complete individual tasks. I'm going to give it a try and see how it works. I want to bring the person I was in Europe home to the USA. If I can't, I think my only other option will be to move to Europe.

Getting Rid of the Non Essentials

2010-04-23T13:37:00.000-07:00

773 Days to Complete 101 Dreams Come True

I've been home a little over a week and I'm sorry to say I've returned to my American style of living. In Europe, I never turned on a television. A few nights I watched movies, but for the most part when I took down time it was spent devouring delicious books or going for walks. Since I've been home I've found that hours have been lost catching up on Grey's Anatomy or Private Practice. Last night, instead of making a delicious dinner and enjoying it with a glass of wine out on my patio, I made a quick burrito and sat down in front of my computer perusing the internet with no goal in mind.

How did this happen? How has this little box of a computer sucked me into its realm of entertainment? At one point, I watched five episodes of Parenthood. I tell myself that I'm tired from my trip or that I'm overwhelmed with the paperwork from the break-in. I excuse my behavior with the idea that after three months of intensity I deserve to go brain-dead for a time. The truth is, I'm not happy when I'm sitting in front of the computer letting it take over my mind. It feels wrong and a part of me fights, but still I give in.

I realized while I was traveling how wonderful it was to relinquish the need to be on the computer. I had an hour at most every few days. I had to be efficient: I updated the blog and facebook, checked my email and responded, downloaded my finances, and even booked parts of my trip. When I had the internet available for twenty-four hours something happened. I found myself downloading movies, talking on skype and being drawn into the cyber-world. There were moments that I stared at the screen thinking that there must be more for me to do while I had internet. I wasted time that should've been spent enjoying a glass of wine or going outside.

When I received the compensation from the insurance company for my break-in, I immediately began shopping on the internet to replace my items. After three hours of research, my brain was overloaded with pricing, product information, and shipping costs. Then I did something extraordinary, I went to the store. In less than an hour, a wonderful salesman helped me to buy all the products for my office and even brought down the prices so that newer, better products would fit into my budget. The sad part was that I kept wondering if I was paying too much since it wasn't on the internet.

Today, I realized how bad our world's addiction to technology has become. As I was telling my friend how I've lost the person I became on my trip, he was scrolling on his smartphone and only half listening to what I said.

This journey to pursue my dreams is about living life to the fullest. It's about tasting all that this world has to offer. I've realized that for me, the computer is like eating corn syrup and high fructose, the more I have the more I can't stop.

I know the internet is a wonderful thing. I can book trips, connect with people around the globe, inspire people to follow their dreams, and so much more. But it has to have it's place. For me, that means limiting myself to what needs to get done and then placing it away and going out and really living.

A Charmed Life - Break-ins, Late Flights, and all is Right

2010-04-21T16:15:00.000-07:00

775 Days to Complete 101 Dreams Come True

This past Sunday, just a few days after my return from London, my friends and I went to wine country for the day. We took my friend's jeep and rode with the top down through the Sierra Foothills. The vines had yet to bud their leaves, but the hills were bright green from the winter's rain. The sun was shining and the weather was a perfect 70 degrees. As I sat overlooking a vineyard tucked into rolling hills, I sipped my Voignier and relaxed into the moment - allowing myself time to take in all that had happened over the previous week.

I guess you could say that things starting going a little strange on Monday night. I had spent the day in Rome, being a tour guide for a young woman I met in Soriano. On the train to the airport I sat across from a man reading a Penguin Classic book. This immediately intrigued me. It's not often you see a man reading literature. We struck up a conversation that carried us through the airport, dinner, a three hour delay to our flight, and a two hours plane ride. Normally, after landing, we would've parted ways, but as my luck with the Tube would have it, once again I was in the situation that it was too late in the night for a train to my hotel. I would recommend the Holiday Inn Express in N. Acton outside of London, but not if you need to get there after 12:30 at night.

My new friend had offered his spare bedroom, but after passport control we were separated. I thought maybe he had run for the next train and I was on my own. I went to the ATM to withdraw a large sum of money for a cab ride out to N. Acton, but the ATM wouldn't cough up the cash. So here I was, in Gatwick Airport, with no British pounds and no place to stay. Before I began this journey of following my dreams, this situation would've left me in a panic. I would've been whining in my head about my bad luck. As I walked through the empty airport, I realized how much I've changed. I was calm, almost zen about my situation.

There wasn't anyone in the airport except police and a few travelers. I went to sit down while I decided if I would take the overground train into central London and then try to find a hotel, or if I would just wait the three hours until the tube was running again. What was one night of missed sleep?

It was at this moment that my friend found me. I followed him home like a lost puppy dog. He fed me peanut butter and jelly, let me use his internet and shower, and gave me a safe, comfortable place to sleep.

A few days later, upon landing in California, I called my mother and told her my story about being rescued from a night in the airport. "You certainly are one lucky girl," she said. I agreed and then informed her that my house had been broken into while I was away.

My friend's were shocked by my reaction to my house being burglarized. I didn't fall into sadness or despair. I've had my down moments as I've inventoried all that was taken, but all the thieves stole was stuff: jewelry, electronics, copies of the books I wrote, shoes, and art. Some of it was rather personal and sentimental, but things don't hold love or memories. For everything that was taken, all I could think about was the gratitude I had for the friends who took care of calling the police and cleaning my place. I think the most anxiety I've had is realizing that I need to do a lot of shopping. It seems rather extravagant to spend this much money at one time.

So as I sat in wine country taking in the moment, two women started a conversation with me. We came to discuss my recent trip and the website. They said to me, "It must be nice to live a charmed life."

A charmed life? Some would see being robbed, a delayed flight that would leave me stranded, or having to go through the events that led me to this journey as bad luck. I don't believe lives are charmed or cursed. I think it's the way we react to the world that decides how we view our existence. Two people can sit and look at wine country - one can be caught up in the anger about something that happened while the other can sit and be grateful for the moment. It's a choice. Maybe choosing the presence brings about more grace.

My Italian Lover

2010-04-16T08:08:00.000-07:00

783 Days to Complete 101 Dreams Come True

A touch, a brush of lips against mine as hands move up my neck and through my hair - waves of sensations shivering throughout my body. The feel of new love, the excitement of chemicals that make the world seem brighter, the nerve endings open so that every experience is not one of thought but of surrender to pleasure. This is how Italy makes me feel - as if I'm under the spell of a lover.

A soft breeze brings the smell of spring flowers, as I sit in the park in Orvieto. I roll a bite of chocolate, orange gelato around my tongue, taking the time to taste the sweetness and bitterness. Beyond the medieval walls I can see the Tuscan valley below. Before I realize it's happening, tears drip from my eyelashes - I'm leaving in two days and my heart is breaking, knowing that I will be away from the place I love deeply.

What is it about this country that changes me so drastically? In any other place I'm a type A personality: I rush, I push, determined to experience all that I can from life. In Italy, I find myself closing my eyes to taste a great wine. I eat slowly for fear I will miss the delicious pleasure the food brings. I stroll, watching the world and noticing the small details. Everything becomes about experiencing the moment, and it is here in this place that I feel that I've really learned how to live.

Missed Buses, Friends, Angels, and a Ghost Town

2010-04-11T01:01:00.000-07:00

785 Days to Complete 101 Dreams Come True

The one thing I've learned from travel is to go with the flow. Things won't always turn out as planned and wherever I am to be in the moment and enjoy. Such is the story I have for you. A few days back I decided to venture out to a village called Bagnoregio. As you can see from the picture it is a small town high up on a hill in Tuscany. The entire village was built by the Etruscans on land created from volcanic ash. Not knowing that someday the wind and the rain would erode this entire area they built a lovely city high up on the hill and into the walls of the mountain. Today most of the city has crumbled, leaving only the center buildings and eight inhabitants along with a few restaurants and stores. Those that have chosen to stay have a place of peace. Cars can't come into the city since the road is now a foot bridge. All around the hill is a lush green valley of vines, and olive trees that lead to the surrounding mountains.

It was only supposed to take one hour by bus to get to Bagnoregio. This was my first journey on the bus from Soriano and I thought I could buy a ticket at the station. Wrong. Instead, a man told me in English that I would have to climb the 124 steps back up to the center and buy a ticket from the convenience store, and that I wouldn't have time before the bus left. The driver taking pity on me, or possibly liking my blue eyes, let me on the bus as a gift.

I arrived in Viterbo for the transfer only to find that the next two buses had been canceled. With an hour and a half wait I had no idea what to do with myself. The area around the bus station was ugly and industrial, but I didn't have enough time to walk to the medieval center. So I found a grocery store, and a patch of grass with flowers. I sat in the middle of the tiny lawn and didn't look at the ugliness around me as I enjoyed strawberries, Nutella, and cheese with bread.

My picnic done, I went back to the bus station and asked which platform to Bagn....Bagn...what the heck city was I going to? The bus drivers standing around assumed I wanted Bagnaia and they whistled to the bus leaving to stop. I ran after it, my shirt falling below my lace bra. I stepped onto the bus only to realize it wasn't what I wanted, jumped off and laughed at myself along with everyone else at the station. I found the right platform and met three Americans who live about an hour from me. They were headed to Bagnoregia, their daughter had been there before, and for the rest of the day she guided us. Karen, John, and Meleesa were the nicest people and we have made tentative plans to do some wine tasting when we all return to the states. So two buses canceled brought me friendship.

At the end of the day, we were a little late for our bus ( we didn't realize how long the walk from the town on the hill was to the one still standing strong). I ran ahead with plans to hold the bus for my new friends. Just as they arrived a bus went flying down the road and we thought we had missed our ride. I was more than worried since it was the last bus of the day and even if we got a cab back to Viterbo I would have no way to get to Soriano. Karen offered me a room in her daughter's apartment and I figured I would be where I would be. Then we saw another bus, one going where we needed. I ran after it waving my arms for it to stop. Once again my shirt dropped to show off my bra (this really wasn't a seductive shirt - it just wasn't meant for running). Then I saw the bus turn and I realized it was coming back to the bus stop where we had been standing. The driver laughed as I got on the bus and all I could do was laugh with him. All in all a great day.

But the story goes on. A day later I was again planning to take public transportation to a town called Orvieto. I had it down this time, with all my trains and buses checked out beforehand. Two other people from the hotel were at the station and as we spoke a bus pulled up on time. We boarded and continued our conversation. It wasn't until a half hour later that I began to wonder where we were (maybe I should stop talking so much....nah). Turns out, we were on the long road to Rome. No one on the bus spoke English and they all tried to explain what we should do. I found out that the next bus back to the train station would be over two hours later.

Then an angel appeared in the form of a doctor from the U.K. who got on the bus. He spoke fluent English and Italian. He told me my best bet would be to go to Rome. I didn't have a bus ticket to get there and there was nowhere to buy one, so he negotiated with the driver to let me on the bus. At the first stop the man from the U.K. brought me to a store to buy my ticket while the driver waited. In Rome he led us to the train we needed and then went on his own way. So instead of Orvieto I was in Rome. What a problem to have. I hadn't planned on returning to Rome on this trip, but I spent the day in the Pantheon, roaming the streets, and seeing sites I hadn't seen before. I had beautiful Roman men handing me their numbers as I shied away. Yep, not too bad when you add in yummy gelato, cannelloni, and beautiful sunshine.

A Tiny Village In Tuscany

2010-04-10T04:55:00.000-07:00

787 Days to Complete 101 Dreams Come True

Green rolling hills spread in every direction. Yellow flowers decorated waves of grass as the sunlight created light and shadows along the fields. Groves of olive trees, their silvery leaves shimmering, met rows of vines. I looked out over the vast landscape to the castle on top of the hill. Soriano nel Cimino, Viterbo Italy, my home for the next ten days.

Unlike when I spent a week in Florence, where tourists marched through the city daily, and locals spoke english, now I'm in a small village untouched by time itself. Each day after exploring the region, the bus drops me at the bottom of the hill and I begin the long climb up ancient stone stairs, past stucco and stone buildings with bright-colored laundry hanging from the clothesline.

In the square people stare at me. There are no calls of, "Ciao, Bella". Instead, this is a place where everyone has grown up together. Small shops with flowers, shoes, and clothing along with cars that move up and down the cobblestone streets are the only sign that I'm not in the 17th century. People call to one another, each person knowing the other in the town. Teenagers sit in the piazza that overlooks the Tuscan valley, bored of their small village and dreaming of someday leaving. Yet, there is a real community here of family. There isn't one tourist shop with t-shirts or calendars. The only hotel is the one I'm staying in and it's only been in the village for eight years. It has eighteen rooms decorated with the original frescoes.

I pass the square and climb another hill. Here I stop for vegetables in the produce shop, cheese from the butcher, and pasta at the place where the old woman smiles at me and says, "Bella" each time I come in.

Back at the hotel I walk the wide stone steps to the lounge where I look out across the village to the castle high on the hill. Once an Etruscan fort, (the original Tuscan people) the Romans turned it into a prison and now it stands empty. At night it is illuminated for all to see.

The closest town of Viterbo is a half hour drive. Another medieval town, but one that has modernized its outskirts. Here people can go to the cinema and shop in malls. Large supermarkets are available. Other small towns in the surrounding area have large gardens such as Villa Lente in Bagnaia. At one time, the popes ran from persecution in Rome and designed this area with duomos and gardens.

But here in Soriano, there is a simpler life - one that Rome has left untouched. It is a place of long walks and time sitting in the square. Men smoke and drink coffee while they retell stories. And everywhere I look is a view of the Tuscan valley below.

My brain has shut down. I have no desire to do anything but eat and take in the scenery - to walk the streets at night in the quiet. At the hotel, I've met wonderful people who have become friends for the week as we've explored the region. Most of all, I've gotten into my Italy mode - a time where I taste life more deeply and slowly.

Gratitude

2010-04-10T02:11:00.000-07:00

788 Days to Complete 101 Dreams Come True

I walked into the peaceful quiet of St. Cronan church. Columns rose in a semi-circle surrounded by large windows which gave view to the lake and allowed the sunlight to caress the wooden altar and stone walls in a soft light. The porous surface of the wall, infused with centuries of burned incense, smelled of spice. I walked in a meditative state, relaxing after my intense drive on winding, small roads with oncoming traffic speeding towards me as I prayed I wouldn't collide.
I walked outside and looked at the tremendous view. Wow, was my only thought as it had been many times in the last week. Snow-capped mountains surrounded a deep blue lake. Off in the distance was an abandoned castle on the edge of the royal blue water. The bright sky had swirls of soft clouds and a light breeze caused goosebumps on my skin.

I breathed in the fresh air and thought back to the last week: staying on the waterfront in Oban and watching the sun set across the bay each night as I drank wine; walking the hill to an abandoned tower and overlooking the green pastures dotted with sheep; getting lost many times on tiny roads and not caring because the scenery was so tremendous; eating the best fish and chips I've ever had along with Scottish pie; seeing castles at every turn.

I looked at the stone walls of the church. Instead of gargoyles there were bunnies jutting out of the bricks. I thought of my friends Dave and Leann and the pictures they'd sent me the day before of their flowering garden decorated with bunnies. These two people have become a treasure in my life - family. I recalled the emails from friends and family supporting my travels, but also wishing me to come home soon because I was missed. How did my life get this amazing?

In that moment, I remembered the day I made my list. I was broken, feeling as if the pain in my heart would never end. I prayed for something to lift how alone and scared I felt. I don't know why I made that list of dreams. I don't know how it happened, but from that moment my life changed. Not that there hasn't been tough times or heartache, but there have been more blessings, adventures, friendships, love, happiness, and amazement than anything else.

I stood staring at the water grateful for how full my life had become.

Hiking in Heels in the Highlands

2010-04-02T01:57:00.000-07:00

874 Days to Complete 101 Dreams Come True

The sun came out in Scotland and I drove north to an area called Fort William, the hiking and skiing capital of the country. The drive was breathtaking as I passed bays surrounded by snow-capped mountains. Castles dotted the landscape completing the idyllic picture.

I was told that I should take the gondola to the top of Ben Ness, the tallest mountain in Scotland to take in the spectacular views. When I arrived in town I went to the tourist office to buy tickets for the gondola, but as I looked at the map I saw a hike to a waterfall. I went to the information booth and asked how to get to the footpath. The woman took one look at my pretty winter coat and my dress boots, and told me that this was a treacherous hike with many slippery parts. I thanked her for the warning and the directions.

Once again, driving in Scotland proved to be misleading. The drive was supposed to take fifteen minutes, and forty-five later I arrived after much turning around and asking for further directions. I think I have used my reverse gear more this week than I do in a year back home.

On the drive I met one of the locals - a highland cow. These guys are so cute you want to hug them like a teddy bear. This one tried to come right up to me when I took his picture, but his horns kept me back.

It was sunny and bright as I began my walk with my winter coat on, my camera on my shoulder, an umbrella and poncho in my pocket and my pretty pashmina around my neck. The walk was easy, but I was warm in the coat. I hung my beautiful coat on a birch tree and continued. The path became rockier and wetter, and I crossed over streams until I came to the snow. By this time, my boots, which were more like socks on top of two-inch rubber heels, were filled with enough water that I felt like I walked in puddles as my socks squished in the wetness.

As hikers, in Gortex and hiking boots, passed me on the narrow path they looked at me with question at my attire. I had to laugh at myself and what I must have looked like to them. I politely told them that it was my coat hanging on the branch further down and to please not remove it thinking it was forgotten.

As I returned to my car, I was happy to find my coat where I had left it. My feet and jeans were soaked, but it was well worth it for the hike into the wilderness. I picked up my jacket just as the rain began. I opened up my fancy umbrella (it actually has lace on the ends) and continued towards the car. Hail began to fall in large pellets. A group of hikers in winter, weather clothing walked towards me. I must have been a sight to them because I heard them say, "The stupid French. They can't even dress casual for hiking."

Bates Motel and A Nursing Home

2010-04-01T10:41:00.000-07:00

795 Days to Complete 101 Dreams Come True

I set out from Edinburgh without a plan or a hotel for the next three nights. I was told it would be easy to find B&B's and guesthouses. My plan was to go through Stirling, see the castle, and then head to Aberfoyle to hike in Queen's National Park.

Stirling is a lovely little city, but as with most of Scotland, the city has tiny roads that one car can barely fit down never mind two. With a few wrong turns, I found my way to the castle, saw all of the tour buses and decided to turn around. I was done with being around the mobs (I can't imagine what traveling in Europe would be like during the summer months).

As I got away from the city, beautiful, green pastures covered in a light dusting of snow spread as far as I could see. Within thirty minutes I was deep into the Queen's National forest where tall pines and mountains surrounded me. The snow and wind had picked up. I figured I could still hike - I'm from New England I can handle bad weather. I put my poncho over my fancy coat, put on an extra pair of socks and headed to the forest. The rangers stopped me before I hit the end of the car park. They wouldn't allow me access because they were worried that a tree branch would fall on my head and kill me. I guess people freak out about weather all over the world no matter how small the storm. It really wasn't that bad.

There was nothing to do in Aberfoyle, and the locals suggested I move on towards Loch Lomond. Along the road I saw the most beautiful manor and turned around to check it out. Entering it's beautiful lobby I thought, I've found home for the night. I could curl up with a book next to the fire in the library and stare out at the pastures and hills. I could take some much needed rest. When I asked about staying the woman was more than happy to show me a lovely, little room with a view. Then she said, "You do realize we won't have any other guests tonight? You'll hear quite a bit of moving around, but you'll be alone. I mean there'll be someone on duty in the house and all, but you might not see them." I wasn't sure what she meant by this, but then it dawned on me how old the house was. She never said it was haunted, but I suddenly had visions of a psychopath walking the halls at night and stabbing me in the shower. I decided to move on.

Hours later I was still driving through tiny towns, getting lost, turning around, maneuvering roundabouts till I found myself by this beautiful, small castle around Loch Lomond. I thought, this is my chance to make my dream come true of staying in a castle. I rang the bell and a gentleman opened the door and I walked into a foyer with a sweeping staircase and stained glassed. Just stunning. I asked for a room for the night and the man looked at me with question. I asked again wondering how he could misunderstand my needs.

"This is a nursing home," he answered. "I think you're a bit young for a room." That's when I noticed the distinct smell of a hospital and the fact that he was wearing scrubs for a shirt. DUH!

I moved on, since they wouldn't let me stay, and found my way to a little town called Luss. Nothing was open in town except a small B&B without an inn keeper present. I walked through the quaint town and out to the lake, had a cup of hot chocolate at the local pub and looked up hotels on the internet. My only option was to keep driving around the Loch up to the Highlands and to a little fishing village called Oban.

All in all I drove over six hours that day with only short breaks. The scenery was stunning even in the snow and rain. I found a lovely hotel overlooking the bay with a jacuzzi bath and booked it for three nights. I think I'm better day-tripping from one place. In one day I almost booked a haunted manor and a nursing home. Can you imagine what I would find if I searched for two more days.

A Chevy Chase Moment

2010-03-29T23:58:00.000-07:00

797 Days to Complete 101 Dreams Come True

"Look kids, there's Big Ben," Chevy Chase said in European Vacation. In my case it became, "Look kids, there's Edinburgh Castle."

I was rather proud of myself when I picked up my rental car (a manual automobile that I had to drive on the opposite side of the road) and drove myself to Rosslyn Chapel without getting lost. Now to give you some idea of what it's like to drive in Scotland, it did take me fifteen minutes to get out of the airport area because every intersection is a roundabout. These roundabouts have large signs before you come to the circle that mark the turnoff you want with a diagram, but once you're on the roundabout it isn't quite clear which turn you're supposed to take. Still, I had found my way from Glasgow to Rosslyn.

As I was leaving the chapel I realized I didn't have directions to my hotel. I figured I'd head into Edinburgh, find a gas station, or internet cafe, and get directions. Life would take care of me and I would find someone who could steer me in the right direction. I didn't end up needing help. On instinct I took a turn onto a road that changed into the one I was looking for and there was my guesthouse.

After I checked in, I drove around a little, went back to the chapel, and I was rather puffed-out about my mad driving skills. I was in unafraid in a new country and driving like I was a local. So, when I decided to drive into the center of town to find a music venue, I was certain it would take me ten minutes tops. This time I had a map and I knew hot to get there.

I got dressed up in a cool outfit, did my hair, and was on the road by 8:15 ready for a night on the town. In the first few minutes I realized I wasn't where I wanted when high on the hill I could see Edinburgh Castle lit up against the night sky. I took a moment to look at the romantic view and then drove on. A few turns later, I looked down at my map and deduced I had gone the wrong way. By some fate, I found my way to the street I wanted, and I was ready to park the car.

Parking wasn't easy, so I took a side road, and from there I have no idea what happened. Suddenly, I was seeing Edinburgh castle again all lit up. I smiled again at the beauty. Then I was going past the State house lit at night, and I enjoyed this sight as well. Look at me, I'm getting a tour of the city by night and soon I'll be back to where I need to be, I thought.

Two hours later, my attitude was much different. Something along the way went horribly wrong. I made circles round the city, I went through roundabouts getting cutoff. At each stoplight I tried to look at my map and find where I was, but even when I did find the street before the light changed, if I tried to follow the map's directions the closure of roads placed me outside the main part of the city. I had to watch for tourists crossing the streets as I remembered to shift, stay on the left side of the road, and remembered to keep towards the center of the road because I tended to drift to the left and bang my hubcap against the curbs. Traffic became worse and at one point I had to maneuver around a parked truck and a cab. I scraped the cab and realized I'd damaged the brand new rental car. The guy waved me on with a smile and I hoped what I heard hadn't been paint against paint.

Twice I stopped for directions and thought, now I can just go home. I'll find take-out to appease my growling stomach, and curl into my bed for the night. Each time, the directions only got me further lost due to closures. And all along, somehow, I would find myself back to the base of Edinburgh castle looking up at that damn romantic view. You would think I could find my way from here, but no. By the end of two hours I thought, I'm never getting back. I'm going to be lost forever.

I did find my way to the guesthouse and to some Chinese take-out around the corner. The next morning, I asked the host where I should park in the city. His response, "You don't bloody drive in Edinburgh. You take the bus. All those road closures will have you going in circles for hours with no way out."

Now you tell me.

When I did take the bus into the city, I realized that I was always just two turns away from being home, if I had taken the right turns. The car is actually fine. The hub cap could look better and there are some surface scratches that can be rubbed out with wax, but all in all, it was a crazy night.

The Holy Grail

2010-03-29T11:25:00.000-07:00

798 Days to Complete 101 Dreams Come True

On my first day in Scotland I went in search of the Holy Grail in a place called Rosslyn Chapel. You might remember the name of this church from the Da Vinci Code. At the end of the story they arrive at this small chapel that is said to hold the Holy Grail.

Beyond the Da Vinci code this small church was actually built by William St. Claire. A great man, who in wishing to thank God for all the graces of his life and to ensure his place in heaven, had this church built. Steeped in myth, Rosslyn Chapel is unlike any you have seen before. Intricate carvings not only mark Christ's birth, life, and resurrection around the church, there are also symbols of paganism in the 150 green men carvings. Adding to the mystery of the church is the fact that more carvings mark the church as one of the Knights Templars' places of worship and it is believed that when the warrior monks set out to keep safe passage for pilgrims to the holy land, they also went in search of the Holy Grail. From the elaborate carved ceiling, a marker points to the floor and the legend says that this is where the Knight's Templar buried the Holy Grail.

But even more mystery comes in the carvings of this church. In the feminine altar space, individual carved symbols decorate the arched ceiling. Many believe the symbols are musical notes and some have even composed songs, saying that they have broken the code. Others say that the code leads to the secrets of life. Then there is the carvings of maize. The church was finished fifty years before Columbus sailed the ocean blue, yet here in this church there are symbols of the Native Americans. It is said, that Sir William's uncle actually traveled to Westford, Massachusetts and lived with the Mic Mac Indians long before Columbus's journey to discover America.

I spent the afternoon steeped in the mystery of the chapel and then walked in the glen towards the destroyed castle below. The castle had been bombed by invaders, but the church was saved because it had symbols of the Free Masons and the conquerors were known to be Free Masons.

You wonder with all this curiosity about the church why no one has dug into the floors to find the answers. Many have asked, but the St. Claire's, who feel it is there duty to save and protect the church, do know that their ancestors are buried beneath and they refuse to disturb the dead. Scientists have proven that there is a set of stairs and a large cellar, but can't say anything more of what secrets the church still holds.

I returned for evening service with Rev. Neil. The church is much different when the tourists leave. At one time this place had eight thousand visitors a year. The Da Vinci code has brought over 150,000 per year to this holy place. But this is still a place of worship, and the members of the congregation close the doors every day at five.

During the service, a woman with a beautiful Celtic voice led us in songs from the Hebrew, Christian, and Islamic traditions, our breath apparent as we sang in the night chill. In a prayer for world peace there was a hum of energy I can't explain that radiated through the room. Even William, the chapel cat, seemed to feel it as he purred loudly in the center of the circle. A peace so deep, that seemed to soothe every weary part of my traveling mind, seeped through my body as I listened to the harp echo off the walls.

At the end of service, we shared sandwiches and wine. I met the reverend and he invited me to talk to him about joining him for a peace pilgrimage next April.

In the end, I don't know what lies beneath the stone of the church. Some say it is the Grail, others the Dead Sea Scrolls. It doesn't matter, because the true gift of this church is the hundreds of years where faith has brought people together to hope and pray for a more peaceful world.

I wasn't allowed to take pictures within the chapel and at this time the church is going through a massive restoration and so the outside is covered in scaffolding. Please follow the link to see images of this beautiful place. Rosslyn Chapel

The Perfect Day in Paris

2010-03-27T13:54:00.000-07:00

I woke to the sound of rain against the balcony of my apartment and thought that the day would be spent inside at the Louvre. I'd been lucky up until this point, the only rain I'd encountered was my travel day from London to Paris. Blue, sunny skies had forced spring to bloom and each day on my walk to the Metro, the leaves and flowers poked their heads from beneath their buds. I thought my luck had run out, but by noon, after I finished my laundry and a bit of work, the skies cleared and sunshine sparkled off the rain drops on the plants making the world look fairy-like.

I put on a spring dress and a sweater and went to the Luxemburg gardens, which turned out to be my favorite place in Paris. The Luxemburg Palace seemed more like a country estate in the middle of a city than a palace. I sat by the fountain watching the children feed the ducks and parents play with toddlers. Locals lounged in chairs, their arms bared to the sun soaking in the warm light. In the last few days I've barely stopped, sometimes being on my feet for over seven hours. Here I relaxed, eating bread and cheese. When I finally rose to walk around the gardens I spent an hour smelling the flowers, watching men and women play bocci in the square, and for the first time I felt a part of Parisian life instead of a tourist.

The sky was still blue as I left the gardens and made my way to St. Supuis and St. Germain, two churches within the Latin District. I have to say, though lovely, I've had my fill of being inside beautiful, old churches after being in Italy last year and then seeing five churches these past few weeks. As I left St. Germain, I saw the dark clouds moving towards me. Since I'd left my umbrella at home I figured I would shop until the rain hit and then wherever I was I would take cover. I roamed through the artisan market next to St. Germain, made my way through bright-colored shops of fancy clothing, costume jewelry, and perfume forcing myself to behave as I found the ultimate shopping in Paris - the Latin Quarter. Here, I could afford the prices and the items were unique and to my liking, but still there was the issue of room in the suitcase.

As I turned down a small side street, the sound of thunder shook the buildings and I ran for the nearest cover - an ice cream shop. I love gelato. I ate it twice per day while in Italy, and I never thought a gelato could rival that of Michelangelo's Piazza's gelatori in Florence - but Amorino in Paris is actually better. As the rain came down in sheets, I sat outside under the umbrellas eating double chocolate and cherry cream. I took in my surroundings: the patter of the rain, the cobblestone streets, the floral shop, the Paris architecture, the brassiere and patisseries while I savored my dessert and thought, wow, here I am - this couldn't be any better.

The rain stopped and I walked around the Latin Quarter peeking in shops until I found the temptation that broke me. A store called Parfums had unique, feminine clothing all hand-sewn and designed by the woman who owned the shop. I tried on a dress that didn't look quite right. The woman shook her head and brought me three different outfits that all fit my body perfectly. "Tres Jolie," she said with each spin I took in the mirror. I added the amounts, did the conversion and realized I could afford the splurge, but could my suitcase? NO, but I couldn't leave the skirt and dress behind. I'm in Paris, shopping has to be part of my experience, so I bought them.

I left with my fancy shopping bag and made my way to the Seine. As I crossed the pedestrian bridge and looked towards Notre Dame, a rainbow appeared. I mean come on, how more perfect could the day get? I smelled the fresh air, I watched the people, I strolled to Notre Dame and took pictures as the sun set. I made my way to the Isle de la Cite and spent another hour perusing quaint, bright shops, trying to speak french to the shopkeepers who thought I was local.

As night fell, I walked from the low-lit Hotel de Ville, along the Seine to the Louvre. I sat inside the Palace looking at the candlelit facade as I listened to a man play the cello. And in that moment I felt that life was perfect.

Impressionism and a Whirlwind Tour

2010-03-25T02:18:00.000-07:00

801 Days to Complete 101 Dreams Come True

"Art is an abstraction; take it from nature while dreaming in front of it." Paul Guaguin

I love the Impressionists. As Robert put it, on my first night in Paris, "Most art is religious or stern portraits of royalty. Most paintings were created to show sacrifice or power. The Impressionist are colorful, bright pictures that make you feel alive."

What he says is true. Impressionism brings the softness of every day life to a place in your heart. With swishes of paint it reflects the light and color of the world. Instead of demanding you see the hard lines of reality, it blurs the landscapes into something serene and almost touchable, as if the world is in a constant state of peace.

To walk the halls of art lined with Monet, Degas, Renoir, and Van Gogh has once again left me in awe of my life. I'm so blessed.

It's wild to watch the other travelers rush through the museum. They stop at each painting for a brief moment and then move on. It's hard for me to understand how they can do this since I find it almost painful to look away knowing that I won't see these masterpieces again for many years.

I've noticed the rushing is true of many tourists, not just with art, but also with the great scenery of the world. I remember sitting at the Grand Canyon and watching people walk up to the edge, take dozen of photos, and then say, "Let's get some ice cream." I wonder if our fast-paced regular life has left humans with the inability to really experience the greatness this world has to offer. I think it's been forgotten how to stop and take in the present moment and in that the memory of how to really live is lost.

Paris is full of tour buses. The tour leaders sit up front pointing out the important buildings and monuments while half the passengers are fast asleep from exhaustion. This is the way most travelers see the world - whirlwind tours set to tight time schedules that leave little space for the unexpected. I want to yell at them to get off the bus and out from the hordes that follow leaders holding up closed umbrellas. Get out and experience the city you're in. Realize you're blessed to be standing in front of true magnificence and take more than a second to soak it in.

Okay enough of my rant for the day.

After the museum I walked to Notre Dame and began to stroll along the Seine to take in the setting sun and the way the light hits the buildings casting a golden hue across the facades. Within moments I was joined by a man named David. He spoke french and I forced the wheels of my memory to move as I listened. Actually, my french began to return a few nights before when an annoying man followed me to my hotel insisting I give him my phone number. Suddenly, my bitch came on 'en francais'. To my surprise he clearly understood what I said and ran away. So when David approached I could actually ask him in french to speak slower so I could understand. He did slow but I learned that David didn't take life at a relaxed pace.

Within moments he had my hand and was racing me through the streets of Paris showing me Hotel de Ville, the best chocolate shop in Paris, and the Royal Palace. He grabbed my camera, snapping pictures of me and then handed it to a woman to take a picture of the two of us. He danced me in the streets, hugged me to him, all the while kissing my cheek as I ducked and swerved my head so as not to be kissed on the lips. His enthusiasm was contagious as he had me laughing while he tried to enrich my knowledge of the french language and pretended we were going to go for a swim in the Seine.

He insisted we take the boat ride along the Seine, but I was tired and hungry by this time and ready to call it a night. I bid him adieu with a kiss on the cheek and made my way across the Seine to home.

Gluttonous Pleasure

2010-03-24T15:03:00.000-07:00

802 Days Left to Complete 101 Dreams Come True

I want to know why we don't have food like this in the states. It's a crime. We are deprived! I want every meal to start with french cheese topped with fig sauce. Or maybe I want to sit and eat this dish until my belly bursts.

I believe it's time Americans stop eating fake food. Think of the space we could save if our massive grocery stores didn't need to carry all the processed stuff. Instead they would pack every aisle with rich, creamy, yummy whole food. We need more cream, cheese, butter, and sauce. We'd be happier, probably healthier and thinner if when we ate it gave us tremendous pleasure. I believe we're supposed to have flavors explode in our mouth so that eating is an experience instead of a quick grab for energy. Life is supposed to be tasty and we are being deprived.

As you can see, I've found french food. Last night I had butternut squash that probably had a half a stick of butter in its ingredients. The lemon chicken, with its crunchy skin still on, tasted marvelous drenched in lovely gravy. I have three more days in Paris and I'm wondering how I can eat as much as possible while still taking time to see more museums and sights. I might have to forgo viewing the city for food.

The real eating began as I visited Versailles Chateau outside of Paris. I sat at the center pools in the garden, watching the swans and boats move across the water as I ate a Nutella crepe. I love Nutella. (I know Nutella isn't French, only the Italians could make up something so sinful. I have a deep addiction to the chocolate hazelnut spread and I can only allow myself to eat it when I'm in Europe. Once I start I can't stop. It's a good thing I'm in Europe and I can eat as much as I want.) As I sat and ate, music from the Royal Philharmonic came from the palace. It was one of those perfect moments where all I could do was take in how amazed I was at having this experience.

As I looked at Versailles, I began to wonder if I wouldn't fit better in another era of time. I'm rather old fashion in many ways, especially when it comes to romance. I like being feminine and I enjoy being taken care of and allowing a man to take the lead. I can open a door on my own just fine, but do appreciate the chivalry of having one opened for me. I'm not one to rush into a physical relationship and maybe that's why my mind doesn't think that having a conversation, drinks, and dinner with a man I just met has either party thinking about sex. I love the clothing of the past, and I dress conservatively in many people's eyes, but I believe the beauty of a woman is in her class and the way she carries herself, not in flaunting her cleavage.

So as I walked through the inside of the palace with dreams of dancing in the great hall under fifty chandeliers. I honestly felt born into the wrong time. Then I came to the queen's apartments and a story gave me second thoughts.

Nineteen royal children were born in Versailles. The queens were forced to have public births to insure that they didn't fake their pregnancies. Now it's really cool that they got to live in a palace, and their kids were in line for the thrown, but their husbands could take as many mistresses as they fancied, house them next door to the queens' room, and they had to have witnesses to their sweating and screaming in the most intimate of moments. Now I know there are women in modern day who go on TLC to have their births documented, so maybe a public birth is no big deal, but no thanks.

I realized that I live at a time where though sometimes the feminine spirit is squashed, the whole world is open to me in a way that it's never been in the past.

It's still strange to many people that as a woman I travel alone. I get comments like, "But you're pretty. You're man let's you do this?" First off, I belong to me, and I don't need a man's permission to see the world. Second, what do my looks have to do with traveling, and third, what does being a woman have to do with going out into the world to explore? There are still so many stereotypes, but that's one of the reasons I'm making my journey public. I want women to see that it's amazing to travel the world solo, because there is nothing like being gluttonous and enjoying every morsel life can bring.

Paris Shopping

2010-03-24T03:25:00.000-07:00

803 Days Left to Complete 101 Dreams Come True

The last two days in Paris have been a blur. I've walked till I now need to buy a belt to keep my pants up. I've stood at the steps of Sacre Coeur while an artist drew my picture and begged me to stand still so she could capture my eyes. I've climbed the stairs to the top of the Eiffel tower and took in the beauty of Paris by night.

I window shopped at La Fayette, an Opera House turned into the fanciest shopping mall I've ever seen. The Parisians know how to capture a woman's heart. The first floor of this designer paradise was filled with a sea of bright-colored purses, french perfume, and if that wasn't enough to make my heart beat faster, diamonds in every shape, size, and design.

Five floors of luxury shopping decorated with balconies that led the eye to the stained glass rotunda. I walked each floor in a circle taking in the elaborate displays of Chanel, Dolce and Gabana, Gucci, and all the rest of the big names.

I couldn't actually buy anything due to my suitcase restriction, but I thought a little lacy indulgence of French lingerie couldn't hurt anything. I walked through aisles of delicate lace, satin, and embroidery and chose a gorgeous, sexy outfit only to have my excitement dashed by the price tag - $300 for a bra and panties. Oh my.

After shopping and walking for hours my feet ached with spasms. I found myself at the Louvre's gardens, Jardin Des Tuileries, where the locals reclined in chairs around the fountain as they took in spring's first sunny day. I joined them, propping my feet on the stone edging of the pool as I ate chocolate, letting in roll in my mouth as I took in the decadent taste. Ah Paris. I believe I'm deeply in love.

Je t'aime Paris

2010-03-24T03:05:00.000-07:00

804 Days to Complete 101 Dreams Come True

Je t'aime Paris

How could I not be in love with a place where I can buy a bottle of reserve wine for five dollars and each corner has a Boulanger and Patisserie with delicate, pretty pastries lined up like little girls in a beauty contest? There are so many cheeses and desserts to eat and so little time.

As a teenager my only desire was to someday see Paris. I remember staring at pictures of the Eiffel Tower in french class and dreaming of someday walking along the banks of the Seine. When I received my passport my dreams heightened as I imagined shopping, seeing museums, walking through Notre Dame, and trying out my french. Things didn't go as planned that first trip. Instead of the romantic vision I had of Paris, I got lost in the metro, had accidentally booked a brothel, no one understood me when I spoke, I slept in a disgusting youth hostel, and after a day in tears I ran to Germany, away from Paris, in fear of another horrible day. Honestly, after that experience, Paris became a funny story and I no longer wanted to return.

This time, as my plane landed at Charles De Gaul Airport, anxiety built a furious ball in my stomach. I hadn't realized how the memories of my first trip Paris had been playing in my subconscious.

This experience is much different. I'm staying in a lovely apartment in Vincennes, a suburb of Paris called the Royal District due to the Chateau de Vincennes in the center of town. The Chateau was built as the hunting lodge of the king best known as Saint Louis. Louis loved the surrounding woods in Vincennes and many days he spent sitting by the oak trees lost in thought.

Vincennes is a slice of real life in Paris. I began my exploration at the open market where the locals buy their produce, shoes, flowers, and meats. The music of street performers filled the air and the atmosphere was much like a farmer's market in America. People lined up outside their favorite Boulanger and waited up to fifteen minutes to buy their bread and pastries from their favorite shop. Children rollerbladed in the parks, and little girls, dressed to the hilt ,danced together by the fountains. Most of Vincennes is a wooded park with a lake at it's center where people picnic and play bocci.

It's the beginning of spring here, and the flowers are just opening as the buds on the trees begin to explode with greenery. In another two weeks Paris will be in full-bloom. Though I'm sad that I won't get to see it at its peak of flowers, it's just as well. The weather is amazing and the crowds are to a minimum. In another two weeks I fear that the hordes of tourists will overrun the city.

The center of Paris is just a fifteen minute ride on the Metro. My first full day in Paris, jet-lag had gotten the best of me and I napped for almost three hours during the rainy afternoon. When I woke, I didn't feel up to going into the city center, but I didn't wish to sit around. By the time I walked out of the subway in Chatelet les Halles the clouds had cleared, the sun was shining and the city looked decorated in a golden hue. I hadn't walked three steps from the subway when a nice young man asked me to join him for coffee. He spoke little english and my french at the moment was a rusted shut wheel in need of greasing, so I declined. Along the way to Notre Dame there were three more offers from men to be my personal tour guides. With a smile and a thank you I declined. I guess French men can rival the Italians when it comes to being suave or dogs however you would like to think of it.

As I walked along the Pont du Neuf a nice guy, named Robert, came up and started to speak french to me. When I said I was an American he looked at me in shock. He asked in english, "Where is your baseball cap and trainers? That's all the Americans wear." We began to talk as we walked along the Seine. Originally from Toronto, he came to Paris eight years ago to visit, fell in love with the city, and never left. He never asked to be my tour guide, but as we walked he pointed out the important buildings: Musee du Louvre, Les Invalides, Musee d'Orsay.

The sun began to set, and dusk fell over the city as we walked came upon the Eiffel tower. Robert began to laugh and apologize, "At this time of night the tower's not that impressive. I should've brought you here later. Right now it has kind of a dull look to it. It will have more of a wow effect later." He was right, the structure looked bland in the twilight. but I couldn't bear to say that to my faithful guide. But as we walked across the Pont d'iena I looked back across the Seine and the tower illuminated in golden light. The wow factor kicked in and everything inside me became a huge smile. From the patio of the Musee La Marine we stood staring at the beauty of Paris as the stars began to shine.

The night air was cool and we began to walk again through the city. We came to the Arc de Triomphe then walked along the Champs-Elysees window shopping as we passed by the expensive stores. Along the banks of the Seine, the candlelit world of Paris shimmered on the surface of the water. We entered into the courtyard of the Louvre and Robert made me close my eyes as he led me into the inner square. When I opened my eyes, the old building looked magical in it's romantic lighting.

It was the perfect first night in Paris.

Moments of Bliss

2010-03-19T14:24:00.000-07:00

I spent the day walking through the parks of London. The purple and white crocuses along with the daffodils have all opened their sleepy winter heads and created an expansive colorful display in the dreariness of the wet day. I have been quite lucky with the weather. The first three days were sunny and warm and many times I removed my jacket and took in the sunshine. Not typical London weather in March I'm told.

I walked through Kensington gardens, Hyde Park, and James Garden. London, with its old buildings and new modern architecture, is actually surrounded by lush gardens. Weeping willows hang over lovely ponds. Little cottages grace the entrances of flowering trees, and long sprawls of grass are left unplanned so people can play football (soccer for the Americans).

As I made my way to Covent Market, I met a woman on the Tube who not only gave me directions but also led me to the Market. Open air along with indoor shops, this quaint shopping area is filled with crafts, artwork, and street performers.

I sat outside with a cup of tea and a decadent chocolate cupcake (it was almost too pretty to eat) from Ellas Bakehouse. I licked at the sweet, sparkly frosting as the voices of two performers filled the marketplace with songs from La Bohemme. How perfect the moment was as I people-watched, listened to the music, and drank tea.
I love to visit museums, shop, and take in historical sites when I visit new places, but it's moments like eating a cupcake or meeting Val, that make me stop, be present and sincerely enjoy life.

As I walked through the courtyard of St. Paul's church adjacent to Covent Market I hear piano music from inside the church. I went inside and saw a woman in sweats and a baseball cap playing. The music she created seemed impossible to create with only two hands. I sat down, closed my eyes, and let the music fill me. It was if I was sitting in a concert hall listening to one of the great masters. Yes, today was filled with moments of pure bliss that I never expected. It wasn't a day of seeing a great masterpiece of art or a mind-blowing musical or even visiting the great treasures of the country. It was just simple moments that took my breath away that I will remember forever.

A Beheading and A Missed Train

2010-03-19T14:12:00.000-07:00

808 Days to Complete 101 Dreams Come True

I learned an important lesson last night - if you're going to join people for drinks it's best to find out when the last train back to your hotel is before the first glass. Of course, when I began at five pm I never thought that I would be still drinking wine at two in the morning, miss my train, be stranded in the streets of London till the wee hours of the morning. Luckily, the person I shared the lovely evening with was a complete gentleman who gave me his room as he left for his flight. And for those of you thinking this had anything to do with romance you couldn't be more wrong. We spoke about politics, his love for his family, the excitement he has at being a father, as he encouraged me to really take this time in my life and savor it. We also talked about how society isn't set up for people to be free-spirits and how as I meet people on this trip and tell them what I'm doing they really respond to my excitement to live as free as I can. I'm realizing that their response to me doesn't have anything to do with me, but the free-spirit within them that for a moment wakes up.

I love London! Though it feels more like an American city than anywhere else I've ever been. Well except for the fact that they have a monarchy and castles. Royalty is cool. Okay so England has a bloody history of treason, murder, and greed - for instance, the story of the Duke of Monmouth. Turns out he was in line for the throne and actually the true king at the time, but the present king didn't want to give up the thrown. So on landing on the shores of England, the Duke was imprisoned and sentenced to beheading for treason.

It was bad enough that he was going to lose his head, but his executioner - the local butcher- decided to dip into the bottle for a bit beforehand. In his inebriated state his first five tries to behead the Duke didn't quite work, so he whipped out his butcher knife and sawed through the tendons and skin. He held the head high above his head and yelled, "God save the king." The crowd cheered. As they proceeded to bring the Duke's head down to London Bridge as a warning to all others who would commit treason, they realized that this man was royalty and no one had painted his portrait. So, needing to be appropriate, they brought his head back, sewed it onto his body and proceeded to paint the picture. The things you learn when you travel.

So when you minus the blood bath, the conquering, and religious persecution the monarchy is much more romantic when you think about the crown jewels and castles. You would assume that 2868 diamonds that surround the 317-carat Star of Africa on the Imperial crown would be ostentatious. Nope, it's pretty. And a gold punch bowl that can hold 144 bottles of wine says that royalty really knows how to party.
I learned all of this at the Tower of London. A castle built by William the Conqueror along the Thames River. When I travel I rarely research the places I visit. I never carry a guidebook. I like the place to open itself to me and show me what it will. I ask suggestions from the locals and friends who have visited before. When I came here I wanted to see the Crown Jewels and the National Gallery and both happened without me looking for them.

All I can say is that this trip has been better than I could've imagined and there is still so much more on the way.

London Baby!

2010-03-18T19:45:00.000-07:00

808 Days to Complete 101 Dreams Come True

Leicester Square- the ultimate tourist trap (or so they say)! Had the most amazing time there tonight- or at least for several hours. Started off with a decent Chianti at the All Bar One and then moved on to the outdoor patio bar at the casino across the square. What a view! London really is the original melting pot of cultures from all over- and they all seem to congregate here.

Enough of the drinks... Dinner was at Amaya- arguably the absolute best Indian restaurant in London. Of course, we didn't have reservations. But the Lithuanian hostess was kind enough to seat us anyway. A fine Viognier with spiced-to-perfection food (lamb chops, peppercorn chicken tikka and sweet patato chat for the curious) was exactly what was needed.

A walk through Knightsbridge, a look at a lighted up Harrods and the cool, fresh air was enough to wake us up enough to walk into the bar at the Mandarin Oriental. Cool place, hopping at 1 AM. Have not been fussed over as much for a long time! Another few drinks and we really were ready to call it a night.

Really liking London!

A Day Soaking in Great Art

2010-03-17T15:15:00.000-07:00

809 Days to Complete 101 Dreams Come True

First off I have to say that I'm trying to add pictures but blogger is making it extremely difficult so please bear with me as the blog looks funny for a few days.

It's nine p.m. London time, and I'm back in my room after a day of art. I started the morning walking from Oxford Circus to Piccadilly Circus perusing the shops along Regent St. in central London. It's a good and a bad thing that I can't add to my luggage - bad because the shopping is fantastic and there were many cute outfits and shoes I would've loved to have bought - good because London is expensive and I would break the bank. Though I will need to return to Hammerlys Toy Store to pick up presents for my niece on my return.

As I wandered the streets of London, without a plan in mind, I realized why the streets have the words painted at each crosswalk to look right or look left. After almost being run over by two bicycles, a double-decker bus, and a cab I began to look down before I looked both ways. They drive on the other side of the road here and it's instinctive to look the opposite way before stepping out into oncoming traffic. Luckily, I learned my lesson before I was run down, but there were some close calls.

I came upon the National Art Gallery and to my surprise admission was free. I spent three hours lost in art: Vincent Van Gogh's Sunflowers, Monet's Water Lilly's, Renoir's Umbrellas, Botticelli's Venus and Mars, and Michelangelo's The Atonement. I realize that in going after my dreams I've been able to see some of the finest art in the world and though doing this may not be officially on my list, it is definitely a dream come true to stand in front of the great masters' work and let it touch my soul.

From the art gallery I strolled to the theater to see Les Miserable. At fourteen, my french class went to see the show, but times were tight for my family and I chose not to ask my mother for the money to go. Today I sat eleven rows from the stage in London. I listened to the familiar songs and lost myself in the world of the actors. I will write more about this experience, under my dream come true list on the website, when I return home.

From the theater I walked throughout London, once again taking in Big Ben, Parliament, the Horse Guards and Leicester square. I ventured into another pub, it is St. Paddy's day, and ordered a pint. I can honestly say that beer is not my cup of tea. I don't like it and though I tried to fit in, today I felt quite conspicuous alone while everyone else was with friends. I chose to leave, proud of myself for not running away from the challenge.

All day long my mind turned to how grateful I am to be able to do this. It's an amazing experience to make my dreams come true. I have an incredible month ahead of me. In just two days three dreams have become a reality, but more than just a check-off the list experience, I'm enriching my life and who I am and how I view the world.

I'm off to bed to dream of Les Miserable and fine works of art as I allow the greatness of the day to soak into my memories.

Aurora Borealis and a Bag of Nails

2010-03-17T15:00:00.000-07:00

810 Days to Complete 101 Dreams Come True

Hello from London. I left the States a day and a half ago and already this journey has been rather incredible. When I made my list of 101 dreams I felt overwhelmed by the daunting task of trying to complete all of my wishes. I had planned to place the list in a drawer and forget about it, but something magical began to happen soon after I made the list - things began to come true without my trying. That magic is what has pushed me to pursue my dreams no matter how afraid I become or how much I want to stay safe and quit. In the last few months quitting has been a skipping thought on my brain's record. In fact, as I stepped onto the train in Sacramento, on the way to my flight in San Francisco, all I wanted to do was cancel my trip, go home, curl under my covers and hide. The thought of a month alone in the unknown had my stomach rather queasy.

But just as in those first months after making the list, life began to provide. As I took my seat on the train, a nice gentleman started up a conversation about his travels through Africa. He brought my passion for exploration to life as we shared stories and photos of our journeys through the continent. As he helped me with my luggage and train transfers I realized how the loud, scared voice screaming to turn around and be safe was quieting. A stranger was making me feel safer in the big wide world.

Within moments of being at the airport another gentleman (happily married with two children for those of you thinking anything), invited me to a pub on Thursday night. So as the flight took off I was feeling much better about going to London.

Then something incredible happened. As you might know, the whole reason for coming to Europe at this time of year was to see the Aurora Borealis, yet the conditions in Norway haven't been agreeable. Cloud cover has kept viewings to a minimum so I had given up on seeing the dancing lights. As we flew over the arctic circle, the pilot mentioned the possibility of seeing the lights. All I could see from my seat was the blinking light of the wing, but I told the flight attendant my desire to see the Aurora. She told me she would come and find me if they became visible. An hour later, she brought me to first class and cleared a space for me to sit by the plane's door so I could look out the window. The sky looked as if there were more stars than darkness, and just above the mist of clouds was a brilliant green dancing light. Here was a dream come true. Not in the way I had imagined (I still wish to see them from below, but this was a much warmer way to experience the light), but a dream come true just the same.

A few hours later I arrived in London rather jet-lagged, but I couldn't stay in the hotel room when there was city to explore. I walked around taking in Parliament, the Aquarium, the Thames River, and Buckingham Palace. To be honest, I was too tired to care. I decided to head back to the hotel to sleep off my grumpiness. On the way to the tube I saw a small pub called a Bag of Nails. Now normally I would return to my hotel, find a fast food place in the area and eat in my room, but this journey is about living life to the fullest and who can walk away from a pub in London called the Bag of Nails. I decided some Guiness stew would hit the spot and then I would sleep. The stew was delicious and I scoffed it down as I realized I hadn't eaten a real meal for days. Just as I was about to leave John, from Manchester, invited me to join he and his friend Nick, from Liverpool, for a drink. Well what the heck, this is about living to the max and new experiences.

John and Nick asked me why I was in London. The only answer I had was because it's on my list of dreams. I'm here just because I want to be. As they listened to me talk about the website and my journey they kept saying what a great idea it was to live my dreams. Sometimes I forget that I'm really living this life. That I'm doing things just because I want to. Then I see my life through someones vision and the reality hits me.

During our conversation I was schooled in the local customs, well actually the local language. John made the comment that I wasn't a typical American. I responded that I wasn't walking around in a white t-shirt, sneakers, and zip-off Columbia pants from REI with a fanny pack. The two men's eyes went wide and they began to laugh. "Do you know what a fanny is?" John asked. From the look on his face I realized it must not be what I thought. "In your country it's a bottom, right? Here it's a woman's bleep (I won't use the term they used in this blog but instead insert vagina).

My face flushed bright red.

"It would be best if you didn't go around talking about your fanny pack in London. Men might become quite interested," Nick laughed.

I decided a trip to the bathroom was in order at this point in time.

So as you see, it's already been quite the fun time. I'm off to make another dream come true today - to see Les Miserable. Hopefully, the jet-lag has been kicked out and I won't be falling asleep in the dark theater. I promise pictures and more news tomorrow.

It's Not About Checking Off a List, but Living It

2010-03-12T15:56:00.000-08:00

815 Days to Complete 101 Dreams Come True

It's 3:40 p.m. on Friday and I will be leaving for London at exactly this time in three days. My bag is almost packed (though I need to lighten it by about four pounds). My trip is in order, and except for a few errands I'm ready to go.

Over the last few months I've gone through many emotions as I built the website, made my journey public, went through relationship chaos, and pushed myself beyond my fears. I'm still unsure if going away is the right thing to do. The practical side says the money could be better utilized or that this trip will cost too much. Part of me wants to stay safe, but I began this journey for a reason, to find a way to live life more fully and I can't do that if I deny what I really want. So in three days I begin this part of my journey.

Part of the reason I had doubts about this trip is because I decided to return to Italy. I've already checked this country off my list when I lived there for a month. There are many other dreams I wish to complete, and by repeating one I feel like I'm placing myself at a disadvantage to finish my list. Then I realized this journey isn't about checking items off a list. It's about learning what I love and what I dream about for this life of mine.

Italy was the greatest month of my life. I felt like my heart sprung open. I didn't stress. I lived every moment lost in sensations: the taste of amazing food; the way art could make me feel; how a countryside so beautiful could enliven my soul. For one month I spoiled myself to the max. There were no rules, no restrictions, and no one to care for but myself. More than that I found a place on this earth that seemed to fit me like a glove.

This journey of pursuing my dreams has awakened my mind to how beautiful life can be. I don't want each item on my list only once. I want them all for life. The fact that I get to experience Italy again makes me incredibly grateful that I made this list of dreams.

I hope I can inspire you as I travel for a month - I want you to be able to experience this journey with me. I just hope that I can do it justice.

Embracing the Moment

2010-03-10T09:40:00.000-08:00

817 Days to Complete 101 Dreams Come True

My trip is finally together. Except for six nights of hotel accommodations and my airport transfers everything is booked. The trip will cost me a bit more than I thought and I'm beginning to wonder why I'm going during the winter. I originally booked this trip in March so I could see the Northern lights and ski, but unfortunately I'm not going to Norway because the weather wouldn't cooperate. Nor am I skiing in the Alps. When I began booking the ski trip I realized it wasn't that important to me. Instead, returning to Italy and staying in a small village became my heart's desire. This journey is a taking a strange path. Who goes to Europe in March in the cold and the rain? And now I found out it will cost me over $150 to bring more than a tiny suitcase on the economy airline.

So with all this in mind I began to wonder if I made a big mistake. But one of my dreams is to trust in a higher power always and if this trip is the one that came together after hours of research and days of work, then for some reason I'm supposed to take it at this time. It's getting hard to trust as the Realtor tells me to drop the price on my house, the book deal doesn't go through, and I'm spending money to go to Europe in the winter, but I'm working on letting go and enjoying the moment.

The moment is really all we have. The future hasn't happened and worrying and living in fear doesn't help anything. The moment can be destroyed with thoughts such as I'm cold and its rainy and I've spent the money on this trip and it doesn't live up to the fantasy. Or it can be, it's rainy so I will spend time in a museum or at a cafe or pub talking with the locals. I can only bring a small amount of luggage so the trip will stink because I'll be doing laundry all the time, or I will be super careful with what I bring and have a easier time moving around with my luggage. Life really is the way we choose to look at it. We can complain about what we are unhappy about, or we can embrace the circumstances and see how life will unfold.

As my friend put it this weekend, "There is so much to be grateful for each day: a flower, the sky, hugs, books, love. It's easy to look at the bad, but just as easy to look at the good."

I'm now off to try and pack the tiniest suitcase ever and see if I can do it.

Ready for a Reset

2010-03-09T07:46:00.000-08:00

818 Day to Complete 101 Dreams Come True

In one week I will be landing in London. After hours of research I have my hotel reserved. I think maybe it's time for me to find a new way of booking travel. I've spent over fifty hours researching this trip and that doesn't include the days planning S. America. Many people can buy a guide book, reserve their first night's hotel and then wing it from there. I tried that once. I ended up in a brothel in Paris then in a gross youth hostel. When I'm with friends I don't mind winging it. It becomes part of the adventure. Maybe if I was in a different space, being loose about my plans would be okay, but I don't feel like winging things right now. I want to go and simply enjoy the places I'm visiting.

Part of the problem is that I have princess taste on a mid-range budget. So the extra research allows me to stay in places I know I will enjoy. Last night I spent four hours researching hotels online. You would not believe how many places in London are tiny, run-down, noisy, bed bug-ridden rooms at astronomical prices. But I found a clean, comfortable, hotel near Wembley with great reviews and I booked it for two hundred dollars less than advertised price by taking the risk and using hotwire.

I'm still a little overwhelmed by all I need to do before leaving. I have to book my flight to Italy and I'm finding the transfers between London airports are long and expensive and don't match up since I will be coming in from Glasgow the same day I will be leaving for Italy. I also have to book my nights in Scotland, but I might wing that part.

So between spending the last two months learning everything possible about web design, media kits, seo's, doing interviews for press, dealing with relationship issues, fighting the flu, skating my heart out, and putting my house on the market, I'm ready for a reset button. I know that at this moment I've done everything I can to guide my life in the direction I would like to see it go. Now all that is left to do (after the long to-do list I need to accomplish this week) is to let go and see what happens.

Last night I was exhausted and overwhelmed and it felt like the wrong time to take this trip. Then a friend reminded me that I'm going to have the time of my life. All I've been seeing is the work and the travel arrangements and in that I forgot how amazing it is that I get to travel. That's where the reset button comes in. In trying to share this experience with the world, and in the pursuit of an entire list of dreams I've forgotten that this journey is about living life to the fullest and loving it all the way. I think getting on the road and making my dreams come true will definitely reset my mind.

Dream Trip Finally Came Together

2010-03-05T10:51:00.000-08:00

822 Days to Complete 101 Dreams Come True

It's Friday and I would like to know where the week went. The good news is that my trip to Europe is finally coming together. Wednesday the trip looked dim. Nothing was working. I couldn't find places to stay except junky hotels and frustration had set in as days passed without any progress.

Then Wednesday night I found a week in Italy in a medieval manor for a few hundred dollars. I was ready to book, but felt I should hold off since I was still awaiting news from my timeshare about my exchange for Paris. By eleven at night I decided I couldn't wait any longer - it had been six weeks and I'd heard nothing. I went ahead to book Italy. As I was ready to confirm my reservation I briefly looked at another site to be certain I wanted the hotel and when I returned to finish my booking the week was gone. I spent two hours trying to get back the reservation. I couldn't believe that in the instance I looked away my week would be taken by someone else. It was.

Frustrated I thought it was time to give up. Thursday afternoon I received an email confirming my exchange to Paris for the exact dates I would've been in Italy. An hour later another week came available at the same resort in Italy this time in April ($400 instead of $148, but nicer weather). So now I have two weeks booked. One in Paris and one in a medieval town at the Palazzo Catalani. Both have kitchens so I can cook my own meals when I desire and feel more like a local. I've also booked a week in Scotland where I plan to stay in a castle one of the evenings and travel by car around the country. There's still a lot to do. I need to book my hotels in London, research where I want to go in Scotland, and I still need to book the ski vacation in the Alps and a flight to Rome, but I'm overjoyed and can't wait.

In one week I will be visiting Musee D'orsay in Paris, eating ricotta and pasta in Italy, seeing Les Miserables in London, seeing the Scotland countryside, and skiing in the Alps. Talk about a dream trip. I will be able to complete seven of my dreams, but I will have experiences beyond what I can put on a list.

How was I ever thinking of quitting when this is the reward.

Forging Ahead - Not Looking Back

2010-03-02T13:26:00.000-08:00

825 Days to Compete 101 Dreams Come True

Today I received an email from the man who sold me my car. He said, "I dedicate this day trip to you (first ride on a motorcycle), without your inspiration it would have never happened. Keep up the good work and good luck with your adventures."

I'm honored that he sent this and that he dedicated his first ride to me. As you know, if you've been reading this blog, last week I was ready to quit. After much soul searching, hours of meditation, and support from readers and those I love, I've realized many things.

The first being that I'm caught between staying where I am and forging forward to where I want to go. When I began this journey I had nothing: no stable home, no relationship, barely any friends, and no life to speak of. I was hurt, broken, and sad. Without anything to lose it was easy to go forward. In the months that followed I learned to salsa dance, went to Alaska, bought a home, met wonderful friends, fell in love, and created the life I'd always wanted. As I've been moving forward with the website and pursuing my dreams, in the back of my head I've been saying, "I want to go back to those first months after I created the list - that time felt good and safe."

I can't move ahead while I'm looking back. I've realized I have to make a choice. To move forward right now means taking tremendous risk. I don't have to do this. I can stay where I am: spend time with my friends, dance, get a part time job, live in my home, skate, be in love, and take a few trips a year. It doesn't mean I have to stop pursuing my dreams, it just means that I won't be striving to do them right now or taking the time to do the website.

Staying where I am, letting the website go, and relaxing has looked appealing. But this morning, while I was skating I realized this can't be my decision.

I'm a decent skater. I've achieved a level I never thought possible when I began the journey of making my childhood dream come true. I could stay at the level I've accomplished, win a few competitions, and just enjoy being on the ice each day. But I choose to push for more. Each day I strive to go faster, to push past my fears of getting hurt in order to skate at a higher level. I will fall many times. I will be exhausted, but with each goal I accomplish I feel pure joy. Today I saw how much I've improved in a few months by forging ahead.

Life isn't meant to be stagnant. As I've created this fight within my mind I've realized how tight I'm trying to hold to the past, but the past isn't opening its doors in the same way. I keep getting sick, friends have moved away, and honestly what once made me happy now feels redundant. When I began this journey I had nothing to lose and from that came a life I'd always wanted. Now, I have everything to lose. The stakes are higher, but I have even more to gain. I want the higher level. I want this journey to inspire others, like the man who went on his first motorcycle ride.

So I'm raising my glass to forging ahead and not looking back. My house is on the market, I've created a t-shirt store on the website in order to create revenue, and I'm going to Europe in a few weeks. I've done everything I can and now I'm opening up to the universe to say, "I let go and I have the courage to move forward."

A Mother's Love

2010-02-25T08:23:00.000-08:00

830 Days to Complete 101 Dreams Come True

Thank you to everyone who has written to me about my last post - you know the one where I wanted to quit. The feeling hasn't passed yet, but I'm working on it. I still have the flu (my sixth round with it this season), and the consensus of my doctor and friends is that I need to rest in order to get healthy. Ah, yes rest. I'm sure down the road there will be time for this, but at the moment there isn't. I've decided to put my house on the market and I've spent the last two nights painting only to have to start over again. Valspur paint stinks. It streaked and didn't dry evenly so my bathroom walls look horrible.

I don't mind hard work. I cherish it. Pushing for something I want excites me and the rewards mean more when I've accomplished what I set out to do. What kicks my spirit down is when I work this hard and push to the max only to have to start over again. Today it's the painting the other day it was my life.

I told my mom how much I wanted to quit. I explained how tired and stressed I've been lately and that I don't feel I have the strength to keep going. I talked with her about returning to an easier life. My mother has watched me push since I was a kid. Fear has held her hostage as I traveled solo throughout the world and participated in crazy sports. I know she wants grandchildren and to see me married and settled-down. Her heart longs for me to move back to Boston. Last night she had one response, "Don't settle. You won't be happy."

When I hung up I thought about Eckhart Tolle's words in A New Earth, "This too shall pass." This feeling I'm experiencing is only temporary. This is the moment where it would be easy to quit. It's when most people do back down. I have no idea if I can do this. I feel like I'm at the mercy of the Gods, but I'm going to give it everything I have. Which today means standing up in this sick body, painting, planning my trip, cleaning my house, creating the t-shirts that will be sold for charity on the website, and a million other things that need to get done. Wish me luck.

Maybe I Should Quit

2010-02-23T18:12:00.000-08:00

832 Days to Complete 101 Dreams Come True

Today I want to quit. I want to retreat and forget about this list. I want to return to a normal life, get a regular job and stop shooting for the stars.

I feel like a failure in so many aspects of my life. I worked so hard on a fiction novel, attained agent representation only to have the book stalled with the editors for almost a year now. I gave everything I had to a relationship for a year only to have it fall apart. I'm watching my savings deplete as I create this website to inspire others to attain their dreams while I pursue mine, and I'm not sure I can do this.

I know if I do quit, if I stop going after my dreams, I can have a normal, safe life. I can get a regular job, keep my savings, live in the home that I own outright, and the person I love will no longer be threatened by my life. In fact, I could have my choice of men to be in a relationship with if I'm just willing to be more normal. Instead of every day striving for more, moving past my fears, and taking risks, I could simply live. And it would be a good life: romantic dinners; pancakes on Sunday night while curled up watching a movie; salsa dancing once in awhile; skating; and someone who I fall asleep and wake up next to every day who loves me along with the chance for children. Right now that sounds really nice.

A friend said to me that she asked a number of men in her life if they could handle being with someone like me. All of them said, "no". The men agreed that they wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone who travels alone for such long periods of time or that had so much attention because she lights up a room. My friend said, "I think maybe you're meant to be alone with wonderful people who surround you, but you're too independent to be part of a relationship. No man is secure enough to be with you." My male friends tend to agree with this idea.

On top of this, I've realized that if I want to continue going after my dreams, I have to consider selling my house. I can make a profit right now, and if I pick up another house and fix it up over the course of the year it will give me the time and financial backing to continue going after my dreams. Of course there is no guarantee that my house will sell for the price I need nor will I definitely find another house to buy. It means packing and being uprooted once again. And I will have to do all of this by the end of April. But I leave in three weeks to go to Europe by myself and I still have nothing planned.

I want to quit so badly and be safe, but I can't. I know me. I will regret if I retreat. I want to see the Mountain Gorillas. I want to raft and kayak the Futaleufu. The greatest moments of my life have been when I've achieved my dreams.

I guess if this journey was easy everyone would do it. So instead of retreating, I'm going to pick myself up, go to Lowe's and buy the materials I need to finish the renovation on my house. Then tomorrow I will call the Realtor and put my house on the market. One of my dreams is to trust in God always. At this moment that trust is really being put to the test.

What You Pay Attention to Will Come to You.

2010-02-19T08:29:00.000-08:00

836 Days to Complete 101 Dreams Come True

I'm trying to watch the men's long program in figure skating, but so far it has come in brief moments then twenty minutes of waiting. As I watch the athletes I'm reminded how easy it is for the mind to either create success or defeat. I know from my own skating, the moment I doubt that I can do something I fail.

The mind is the greatest tool we have. What we focus upon is what comes to us. If you watch any athlete, the minute you see that moment of doubt in their eyes, you know their training and technique is about to go splat. No matter how many times they've achieved their goal, doubt will destroy their ability to accomplish what they desire.

This reminds me of the first rule in white-water kayaking - keep your eyes on the path you want to take. Fear of crashing into a rock or dropping into a sticky hole causes many people to continually check how close they are to the danger. The minute their heads turn towards their fear, the body, and therefor their boat, moves in that direction. I believe it's the same in life.

When I first made my list of dreams I was shocked at how quickly I began to achieve what I desired. Within two months I had hiked half-dome in Yosemite; met an incredible group of friends who liked to get the most out of life; learned to salsa dance; went to Alaska; and bought my home outright. I believe it's because I placed my list of dreams in plain sight and made it my focus. When I get caught up in drama around me or fear, my life moves away from my dreams.

There's another rule in white-water kayaking; once you're in the rapid, never stop paddling. If you feel that the river is going too fast you don't fight the current or it will pull you under. I guess that's where my life is right now. I'm on this rapid, trying to keep my eyes on the fun, splashy waves. Every once in awhile rocks crop up. I glance at them, give them some thought, but then I must look away or I will crash into them instead of sticking to my path.

I highly recommend making your own list. It doesn't have to be 101 dreams. It can be five or ten. When hard times crop up, your list will give you a place to focus instead of staring at the rocks.

Like a Moth to a Flame

2010-02-17T08:17:00.000-08:00

838 Days to Complete 101 Dreams Come True

I know I've been silent for many days now. To be honest, my head has been spinning with media kits, web design, press releases, search engine optimization, and a whole bunch of other stuff having to do with making this journey public. Lately, going after my dreams has seemed to take the back burner, while learning about social media has come forward. I hope that in a few weeks the website will be automated and I will be able to return to my real focus - living the most decadent life I can.

I've also been missing someone lately and when I try to write, the words crash into a brick wall of feelings. I kick and push at the bricks wanting to force them down, but I just slam harder into my heart. When I began this journey I was single, but along the way I met an amazing person who kind of lit up my world. He knew how to make me laugh. He treated me like a princess. He planned amazing date nights down to the last detail. When I was scared or hurting, he'd wrap his arms around me and life felt right.

Going after this journey ripped us apart. The more I was gone, or talked about travel, the more his insecurities exploded. Many people have said that it's my fault - that I made him feel left out. People have commented that they couldn't handle being in a relationship with me due to how I live my life - that they would be jealous and insecure. One friend said, "Do you know how hard it is watching you achieve everything you desire while I live an ordinary life?"

I don't understand. If that's how people feel, envious and jealous, then why not make their own lists and go after them? I'm not a super-hero who has all the money in the world and no worries on how I'm going to make this happen. If I can do this anyone can.

The man I left has told me numerous times that he's proud of me for going after my dreams. He's trying to deal with the insecurities my life brought out in him and we've remained friends. But lately I've been feeling that I'm kind of poison to men. There have been plenty circling. I have been called the 'honey-pot', and "There's Something About Marci", along with other not so nice terms such as, 'man-eater'. It's been said that I have freaky pheromones that cause men to be insane. The truth - going after the life you want carries a distinct passion that people find attractive. Like moths to a flame. The problem seems to lie in when they get close to the light they want it to dim. And I want to get brighter.

Dinner for One

2010-02-12T05:18:00.000-08:00

845 Days to Complete 101 Dreams Come True

I think I'm finally catching up with the long to-do list that has come about in the last week. I'm looking forward to the website being completely set-up and the business side of this journey automated. My business cards came yesterday and they look fantastic. Though I feel as if each day brings a new idea and therefor a longer to-do list things are coming together. The exciting part is that I'm working on a way for the website to give back to the community. In a few weeks I should have the links running. I've always wanted this journey to be about something bigger than just me going out and getting the most decadent life I can.

Speaking of decadence, as I was taking a hot bubble bath last night, I was mind-traveling back to my time in Florence, Italy. Every night, after a dinner of the freshest produce, pasta that can barely be described it tasted so wonderful, and a glass of wine, I would venture back to the streets and walk for hours. In Signora Piazza I would listen to the flute music as I sat by the statue of Perseus or on the steps of the Uffizi. I'd walk along the Arno watching the way the streetlamps' light reflected in the moving water. I'd stop for chocolate at my favorite coffee shop, and walk to Michelangelo's Piazza high above the city to stare at the beauty of Firenze's lights. Many beautiful, Italian men would walk with me, complimenting me trying to win my affection for the night. The funny part is that Italian men love their fancy shoes and many couldn't keep up with my long walks because their feet hurt.

You would think I would be sad to walk through this romantic city without my beau, but I loved it. It was a peaceful time where I took in life at my own pace with only my needs in mind. When I first began traveling I hated the night. During the day I could enjoy the sights and museums, but at night loneliness crept in as I was afraid to enter a restaurant solo. Everyone seemed to have someone to converse with or share a drink with. I felt pathetic and lonely.

I've changed drastically since then. Now I love dinners for one. Don't get me wrong, fancy meals or even Thai food with a friend or a boyfriend are lovely, but there is something special and unique about dining alone in a restaurant. My favorite place in Florence is a little candlelit restaurant that was right by my apartment. It had only six tables and though I dined alone, the waiter never rushed me. I sat for over an hour, taking my time to savor each bite. Instead of focusing on conversation I let the decadence of the food roll over my taste buds. I focused on the complexity of my wine and how it changed with different foods. I read a delicious book between courses. It was an experience of stopping and tasting life.

We have this idea that being alone is sad. We see the solo person in the movie theater or restaurant and wonder why they don't have friends. I think everyone married, single, or otherwise involved, should take themselves out on a date. It's a time to spoil yourself - to treat yourself with love and self-worth, to find out what makes you feel decadent, happy, and relaxed. It might be strange at first, but I promise once you get past the worry of being solo you might fall in love with your own company.

Have a great romantic weekend whether your madly in love, married for a long time, or flying solo.

To Say What I Feel Without Need or Expectation

2010-02-10T08:40:00.000-08:00

845 Days to Complete 101 Dreams Come True

I've been thinking quite a bit about one of my dreams. Much of my list is about running off to see fabulous places and learning to live in a decadent manner, but I believe my most important dreams have more to do with the person I wish to be: trusting in God always; falling in love with myself and this world; learning to slow down at times; and saying what I feel without need or expectation. This last one is harder than I thought.

Why is it difficult to tell people how we feel without need or expectation of how they will respond? I'm not talking about spewing-off every detail I think about people. I'm speaking on the idea of being open about my feelings without needing a specific response. Once again I believe the ego has entered the room and this is where fear and the childish behavior of, I want what I want, come into play. Or even, I think I know what I want, and you haven't lived up to it and now I'm mad and hurt and I will make you pay by pushing you away so you know how it feels.

These are childish games we play. Look at relationships, there are books written on how to get the opposite sex to chase after you by being coy, or not calling for a certain amount of time, or acting disinterested. And the sad part is that these games work. I was at a night club on Saturday night when this nice gentleman came up to me and asked me to dance. Within minutes he was telling me that he was falling in love with my smile and that it was killing him. He stared at me as if I was the woman of his dreams with big, puppy, dog eyes. Sweet, good-looking, great dancer, but go away it's too over the top.

Many times the guy who wins my attention is the one who doesn't overwhelm me with his feelings. I've had men tell me they were certain I was the one after our first date and they were in love. That's when I head for the hills. But to be honest, insecurity creeps in when something happens between myself and someone I like. If the man isn't there wanting to see me again, in a non-stalker way, I'm hurt and upset wondering what he's thinking. Now said guy might email or text, but he's playing it cool, and instead of saying how I feel in an honest way, I play the game - I act as if I don't care.

How ridiculous are these games? What is the underlying cause? And further more, what damage does it create?

In a good book about relationships, the reader always knows the truth about how everyone feels but the characters are always clueless. As you're reading you're screaming at the hero to just be honest, the other person feels the same way, yet it takes till the end of the story after much anguish for anyone to figure out what's really going on. It's the same in life. Communicating what we feel without fear of rejection is scary. If this person rejects how we feel we will experience sadness, hurt, and a lessening of ourselves. I'm not just speaking about intimate relations, but friendships, and family as well.

So in writing this I've realized that to say what I feel without need or expectation is like jumping off a cliff and not knowing if you are going to land safely. All the fears of what could happen on the way down rush into my mind: rejection, hurt, and feeling stupid. I believe it goes back to childhood. Everyone at one time showed emotions and feelings with full honesty, but at some point another child made fun, or parents ridiculed, and a wall was built. The fear of rejection became bigger than our need to be honest with ourselves and the world.

So now the question becomes can I lift myself up out of the childhood-placed ego and stop worrying about what people will think of me? Going after this list and making it public, showing my weaker side to the world with this blog, is scary. It's fine when I'm in my office and I'm not thinking about who will read this, but when friends and family speak about what I've done or want to do, shyness makes me want to retreat my head into my turtle shell.

But I guess, just as with all my other dreams, fear will be by my side and I can either say that I want more from myself and this life, so therefor I will walk through my fear, or I can retreat. Retreating sounds easier, but not nearly as fun. But it also means I now need to go tell someone what I feel without need or expectation. Wish me luck.

Aah, The Pleasure of Gluttony

2010-02-08T17:24:00.000-08:00

847 Days to Complete 101 Dreams Come True

GLUTTONY IS AN ATTITUDE. An attitude that's all about living life to its filled to the brim/brimming over fullust. Karen Salmansohn The Seven Lively Sins

Friday night I was beat. I have to say that when I started this journey of making my dreams come true I didn't really give thought to sharing it with the world. Now, as the website grows and I try to share my journey I have to pay attention to things like media kits, marketing, publicity, and mail. This isn't my strong suit. But if I want to reach as many people as I can, to convince the world to live a fuller life, this business side has to become a part of my world. Too bad this is where most of my fear resides. I sit down to try to figure out my plan and I freeze.

But then I remember that this journey isn't about other people. I'm sharing this because I want others to experience the joy of what's been happening in my life. I want to let people know that it's okay to be afraid of going after your dreams...that the little voice of practicality and negativity sits on my shoulder every day, but that isn't going to stop me no matter what. But what this journey is really about is living out loud. Living as if each day matters. Exploring life and tasting every vibrant morsel. I'm a person who does the right thing. Who worries about others first. Who always does the practical. I don't want to just be this person anymore. I want to play through this world and life and stop taking it so damn seriously.

This is where gluttony comes in. I want to feast on all that is awesome. I want taste every delicious dessert. I want to be ravished by amazing men, fall deeply in love, dance until I drop, and know what it's like to live truly free.

Friday night, when exhaustion hit, I curled into my bubble bath with dark chocolate and a glass of wine. I stopped my head and focused on the moment....and ah the gluttony of all that is yummy about life sunk in.

Leap of Faith

2010-02-05T09:44:00.000-08:00

850 Days to Complete 101 Dreams Come True

Last night I had a lovely dinner with two friends in their home. As we sat around the table eating oatmeal cookies and drinking decaf coffee at eleven o'clock at night I once again took in how amazing my life has become since making my list. The dream to have a group of friends who love to get the most out of life has been my best dream come true.

After making my list I made a promise to myself, I would say 'yes' to every opportunity that came to me. When I was asked by my interfaith committee to be a representative at a national conference I had no idea that it would bring me a new family. Before the conference, I was introduced to Dave and Leann who were also attending. A former priest and nun who found love in mid-life, married and had a beautiful family, they took me into their hearts.

As we sat talking last night, they told stories of when they first fell in love. Leann, who'd gone into the convent at fourteen, had never been out of the cloister when she met Dave. Dave, a Jesuit priest, had recently left the priesthood because he felt he could do more good in the community as a teacher. Leann had never driven, balanced a check book, or been on her own, but she took a leap of faith and moved to California to marry Dave.

They had little money and so their entertainment was walking in the park, playing cards and Frisbee and spending time talking as they became the best of friends. This Christmas I helped them decorate their tree. Out of boxes came the most beautiful ornaments: drums made from felt covered bouillon containers; soldiers made from toilet paper rolls; angels and kings made out of cardboard. To look at these precious ornaments you would never know that they cost pennies to make. They had nothing so they were creative.

As Dave and Leann tell the stories of their life together the love between them is apparent. Pictures of their children and eight grandchildren line the walls of their elegant but homey house. Laughter has always been a part of their lives as they recall practical jokes they played on one another going as far as Leann once dumping a bucket of cold water over Dave while he was in the shower.

To entertain their children, they dressed up in crazy outfits. Leann has pictures of her in the costumes she created to teach her kindergarten students their colors. They had nothing in the way of money, but they had everything in the way of life.

As we discussed my journey, I told them that I wondered if I was making the wrong decision. Nothing of what I'm doing is practical. I have no idea where the finances will come from to go after what I want. My savings are definitely smaller now then when I I started. At times I feel very alone. All the fears that sit on my shoulders every day came pouring out.

Leann said to me, "Dave was forty-one when we got married. We had nothing, yet we found everything. Sometimes you have to take a leap of faith and go where your heart tells you. My head told me I was crazy. I barely knew this man, he was thirteen years my senior, and I had never really known love from another person. I had lost so many people in my life and I was angry and hurting. Yet, here comes Dave. He was patient and kind. He made me laugh and he's given me so much. You follow your heart, Missy. Forget what your head says, it's your heart that knows what's right. If I had listened to my head and all my fears, I would've missed out on all of this."

Sometimes all there is in life is a leap of faith.

Compromise vs. Concession

2010-02-02T17:09:00.000-08:00

853 Days to Complete 101 Dreams Come True

A friend and I were talking about relationships and she said to me, "You compromise on where you live, where you spend the holidays and vacations, and how you spend money. What you don't compromise on is who you are. I woke up one day in my marriage and realized that I was conceding who I was in order to be in my relationship."

How true, I thought, not just in relationships but in life.

A relationship should allow us to grow bigger than we can imagine ourselves being. It should be a source of strength, of unconditional love that lifts us when we are down, but many relationships aren't this way. In the same respect, our lives and the way we choose to live them should also make our spirits expand. Most people are stuck in a rut of boredom, stress, and complacency.

Too many people concede in life. They say it's too hard to go after their dreams or fight for what they really desire. Many have spent their entire existence trying to be what they think others will love. They haven't learned who they are or what they want, but instead they try to live up to a picture they have in their head of what is lovable.

I believe it's in this concession with life that our unhappiness has hit epidemic proportions. I believe that the need for another person to fill the void within ourselves is what creates the high rate of divorce in our country.

When you stop compromising on getting what you really need in life you no longer concede to misery or look to others to fill the emptiness inside. This can't start outside. You must first find love within. This isn't some self-help hokey idea I'm talking about. I'm discussing taking the time to fall in love with who you are.

Only when you say to life, I will not concede to less; I will not compromise on who I am in order to be loved by another; I will love myself; I will believe in myself and go for everything I've ever dreamed of doing, that life will open up one heck of a present of happiness.

No one else can ever fill you permanently. Only you can.

Courage and Greed

2010-01-29T08:59:00.000-08:00

857 Days To Complete 101 Dreams Come True

"One's life shrinks or expands according to one's courage." Anais Nin

So if you want an XL-life, with XL-spirit-expanding pleasure, you first and foremost need XL-courage. The 7 Lively Sins

I woke this morning thinking about courage and greed. I know these two things may seem like they have nothing in common. Courage is about being bigger than our fear. Greed is considered a sin - an emotion that leads to pain and suffering and a sign of the soul's weakness.

Hmmm, let's start with greed. When we want a bigger life: more love, more happiness, more adventures, more excitement, more money, more sex and lust then we have greed. And what's wrong with wanting more from our lives? When I look at the earth and the natural beauty of this world I don't think a higher power wanted us to live the mundane. You can't look at the Yosemite Valley for the first time and feel ho hum or bored unless your spirit is dead. In springtime, when you look at the thousands of flowers blooming you don't see a God that said, well you only deserve so much beauty so I'm going to give you just one flower. Instead, there are seeds flying everywhere and bees pollinating so that next year there will be even more flowers. Nature is abundant. Left alone it grows in wild crazy patterns that overflow.

So why do we think that being greedy is a bad thing?

Because greed can be dangerous when it's based in anger, power, and the future. When greed begins with anger there is lack within the spirit. You want more because you're angry with the hand you've been dealt. Your going to acquire more to fulfill the hurt within. It's a childish tantrum that places a future event as the salvation to your problems; when you have more you will be happy. When greed comes with the need to be powerful over another, once again the present moment isn't the starting point, and this greed is trying to fill a hole within the spirit.

When you look at your life with gratitude and excitement for what already is and you begin to desire all the wonderful things this life can bring you, then greed is a spirit-enlivening energy that catapults you to great things. Once you feel this kind of greed and let it fill your body, then you expand the idea of what your life can be. Then all it takes is that XL courage to go after it.

Dreams Start in Reality

2010-01-27T11:29:00.000-08:00

859 Days to Complete 101 Dreams Come True

I'm still flip-flopping between India and S. America. The friend who's going to India will contact me in a few days with her itinerary. It turns out if I'm to join her I will need to leave by February 10th which is only a few weeks away. But now, my friend who originally wanted to go to S. America is saying he might still be able to go and that trip may be on. I'm meeting him this afternoon to discuss it. So hopefully by Friday I will have definite plans for one or the other.

On a different note, I've been thinking a lot about my responsibility to the people who look at my blog and website. I believe in going after dreams, but one must start in the present moment. Where a person stands financially, emotionally, and physically should be the jumping off place, not the dream.

The financial crisis in America was caused by dreams not based in reality. Too many people went out and bought homes, cars, went on trips, with the idea of living a lifestyle promoted on television and amongst friends that wasn't real. The housing boom wasn't based on actual numbers. I remember looking at the median housing price and the median incomes and nothing matched up, yet people were buying homes they couldn't afford. As the prices increased these same people were feeling wealthy with their equity and took out bigger loans to take fancy vacations to make their dreams reality.

There is also the wishful thinker. The person who sees the future they desire and expects it to come true. They see others who have achieved the same dream and they assume it will happen for them because they can envision their life. The Secret says to live as if it has already happened and many people have done this, but by living off credit or waiting for that perfect scenario to take place that matches their ideal.

I believe that meditating and visualizing your goals should always be the first step to having the life you desire. If you don't know where you want to go, there's no way to make a map to get there. But once this is done, a person has to look at what is holding them back from having this dream whether it's fear, past emotions, finances, health, or a bad situation. When the barriers are seen and the starting point established many will turn around due to the hard work involved. So many people don't want to look at reality for fear of how hard it will be to get out.

Say you wanted to be a surgeon. First you need the education and that takes years. Then you need to graduate and do your practical hours. All the while you are dreaming of being this great surgeon like the ones you've seen on television or read about in books, and you keep your eye on the prize. All the hard work and money is going to pay off because someday you will live in a fancy house, you'll be wealthy, and have the stunning partner and family. All the time you are working towards your goal you're mind is living in the future not facing the present moment.

Then you finish all the work and you end up with a low-paying job that can barely pay the student loans. You're working long hours, you still don't have a relationship, and you don't know where the last seven years went. Now you're frustrated, angry, and you feel like the universe jipped you.

This is how most people go through life when they pursue their dreams. They live in the illusion of someday and a vision of themselves in the future instead of where they are at the moment. This only leads to destruction. When you get to the point of that low-paying job that doesn't live up to the dream you end up quitting - accepting that life sucks. If during the time you were going after your dreams you were enjoying the moment, living to the maximum, then you would have the energy to keep going when you hit the speed bump of the low paying job.

Another example is weight-loss. You envision yourself healthy and happy in a pair of skinny jeans. You workout hard, eat perfectly, and keep your mind on a certain date that you will be perfect. On this date you'll begin to live again: dancing, going to the reunion, going on vacation, finding the perfect partner. When this date comes and goes and there isn't the perfection you envisioned depression sinks in and you lose momentum most of the time slipping back.

Dreams are about living to the fullest. They aren't about someday or when everything is perfect. They can't be timed. But you can live in the now accepting the greatness that life can bring in this moment. Maybe you want the dream vacation but you're over your head in credit card debt. Well set the plan to get out of the debt. Is that fun? Not as much fun as living as if it didn't exist, but that doesn't move you closer to living the life you desire. Maybe you get the second job that isn't prestigious but it will pay off your debt faster.

Most people don't want to do the work, take the risk, or keep going when things work out differently than planned. But when you start from reality, work hard, the rewards are much sweeter.

When You Don't Quit

2010-01-25T15:49:00.000-08:00

861 Days to Complete 101 Dreams Come True

It's an amazing natural high when I work hard, pushing every day to achieve my dreams even though they seem to get further away as progress is stunted, and then one day, without reason, things come together.

Today I stepped onto the ice, ready to be frustrated. I looked across the clear sheet and wanted to turn around. My coach said to me, "To take this next step is a big jump from where you are right now. Most skaters never make it because fear gets in the way." The last few weeks I've felt as if I've digressed as falls have become more frequent and skills I'd thought I'd mastered disappeared.

Today something amazing happened when I pushed past my fear and began to skate. As I took the first turn, I felt strong, in control, and comfortable. Then I fell on my butt and slid into the boards. I got up and tried again. This time I stayed upright. I pushed faster, harder, and the fear slipped away as I began to do things I've never done. I went through all the moves I learned just two months ago, and though I couldn't pass the test today, what I couldn't do, I now can.

Many times in life we give up when something doesn't come together easily. We let fear stop us from taking that first step because we're terrified of failure. What I've learned on this journey is to be flexible and open to all possibilities and ways of doing things, but to never give up. Then out of the blue, after tremendous work and failed attempts, I end up getting what I desire and the feeling is sweet.

India or S. America? Which Way Should I Go?

2010-01-23T09:56:00.000-08:00

863 Days to Complete 101 Dreams Come True

I have emerged from my cave feeling renewed and energized. My lips are turned up in a smile and I feel more centered. I've realized that throughout this journey I need to control the ever-present ego who wants to cause a ruckus by disrupting my peace. When my mind lives in the future worried about what may happen, or in the past being upset about events that hurt, I feel stress. When I stay right in the moment, taking in the beauty or even the hurt of life, I remain calm and magic happens.

Today I don't know which way to go. I had given up on rafting and kayaking the Futaleufu. My friends could no longer join me, and I decided that I would wait until next year. I was sad since this is a trip I've wanted to do for six years. Instead, I began to make plans to hike the Inca Trail, see Iguassu Falls, Buenos Aires, and Rio de Janeiro. Not a bad alternative.

Then last night my friend invited me to join her in India and Nepal. It would be a girl's month, traveling through India as we visited Ashrams. Del Marie has traveled to India numerous times for yoga training and knows the country well. It would be amazing to travel with her and our friend Swee.

I had almost changed my mind about going to S. America. I woke up this morning and began to look for flights to India. That's when I got the email from the rafting company in the Futaleufu. They have the perfect trip for me to join. It's everything I've wanted to do on the Fu. Now I have no idea which way to go. I want to do it all.

I guess this isn't a bad problem to have.

For now, I'm off to organize my house, work on the website, and write a press release. All in all a busy Saturday. Next week I won't have a whole lot of time for work since I need to go to San Francisco on Tuesday and then I'm hitting the slopes on Wednesday. So this weekend is for being responsible. Well until I go salsa dancing tonight.

I think I'll try to plan time for a bubble bath along with some meditation. Can't forget to continue to take things slow so that the flu doesn't come and get me again.

Winter: A Time to Stop

2010-01-20T10:32:00.000-08:00

866 Days to Complete 101 Dreams Come True

Well the same flu hit me again. I thought I was doing great. Last week I skied, skated, went to a writer's group, worked out, and went to two dinner parties, and spent a day wine tasting in Napa. My trip to S. America began to come together. Then it hit - the fatigue that made me feel like anvils had me pinned to the bed. For three days I didn't speak to anyone. I watched endless hours of television getting caught up on all my favorite shows on hulu. I'm upright today, but my sinuses still feel like chipmunk cheeks.

Sometimes in life you have to stop. That's all there is to it. I've realized its not just stopping physically but mentally too. After three days of shutting down, my mind recognizes how fast I've been going; how scared I've really been about going after my dreams; and how emotions have been swirling around me.

During this time of sickness I took care of myself. I didn't think or worry about anyone else. I didn't feel the need to contact friends. I was present with my emotions not judging or trying to outrun them, but taking the time to listen. I realized I'm overwhelmed whether I want to be or not. The list of 101 dreams is big. My fears about finances and relationships is a huge ogre sitting on my shoulders. As I allowed my emotions to work themselves out, I realized that though I want to enjoy all this incredible life has to offer I don't feel like pushing right now.

It's winter. Rain has poured down on Sacramento for five days straight with no stopping in sight. It's a time to curl into life with a cup of tea, stop, and recollect. I've decided that this is what I must do: spend time in bubble baths, read books, watch movies, allow the slowness of time to slip by. My body and mind need this and I'm beginning to believe it is the only way to kick this flu out of my body permanently.

I'm beginning to look forward to this time of slowness. It doesn't mean I won't skate or work out. It means I'm going to focus on caring for my body and making it the strongest and healthiest it can be. This will be a time to clear out the clutter of my mind and meditate.

I have an amazing year ahead. I will go to S. America, Europe, and Canada. I will achieve many of my dreams, but not if I'm stuck in bed with the flu.

Sometimes to stop is the only way to go forward.

Up or Down: It's a Choice

2010-01-13T09:36:00.000-08:00

873 Days to Complete 101 Dreams Come True

I had a dream last night that I was about to bungee jump into dark, cold, shark-infested waters. I knew that when I hit the water I'd be in complete darkness. I was fearful that a shark would be near and I wouldn't be able to see him to try and get away before he attacked. When I woke I realized the dream symbolized how I'm feeling about life. I'm diving into the unknown. I can't see the future and this little voice in the back of my brain likes to chat about failure.

I believe this fear of what might happen is what holds us back in life. When I first moved to California I was in a long-term relationship, living in an apartment I hated, and focused on a partnership where I felt I was third in importance. Though I loved the man I was with, I felt I was living his life instead of the one I desired. I was lonely without friends, I couldn't sleep because of the stress of hating my life, and the spirit inside me felt stuffed into a box.

For five years, I contemplated leaving. I loved this man with everything I was, but I wasn't happy. Each time I went to take the step to leave, fear roared: you will end up alone and broke; Christmas will be horrible without him; you'll be in your late thirties without the chance of marriage or kids; you'll never be loved again; the pain of losing him will be too much.

Two years ago today, I chose to pack my stuff and leave. The break-up ripped me apart. I had given my entire spirit to this man and I believed his love made me worthwhile.

I look back at the woman who lived in that apartment and I don't recognize her. While I was in the relationship I struggled with weight. I fought day and night to diet and exercise to take off the layer of padding. No matter what I did, the weight wouldn't come off. This morning I woke and weight loss wasn't on my mind. In going after my dreams I live an active life that keeps my body in great shape.

There was a time that I dreaded Mondays because I didn't want to face another week of stress, loneliness, and hurt. This week started with going to church and getting hugged by amazing people. Then I went to a hockey game with friends. I'll skate, ski, dance, go rock-climbing, get together for a writer's group, plan a trip to S. America, trade massages with my girlfriend, and have a girl's night out by week's end.

Do I still fear? Yes. The biggest one being that I'm waiting too long to have children. Is it scary to do this on my own without a partner to support me? Absolutely, but it also gives me the freedom to live for myself.

Two years ago I jumped into dark, cold waters that were shark-infested. I went through pain, I was alone, and yet out of it came the greatest life I could imagine.

I could've stayed down and said, "Woe is me, my life is horrible." I could've ran to the next relationship to fill the void, but I would've ended up being the same person. Instead, I chose up. I decided I wanted everything from this life. I guess that's why at the end of last night's dream I overcame my fears and jumped.

Patriot's Game Dream Come True

2010-01-12T14:54:00.000-08:00

874 Days to Complete 101 Dreams Come True

After the sadness of the Patriot's brutal defeat in the first play-off game it seems strange to talk about seeing a game in Gillette Stadium, but today, as I plan my S. America trip (I'm having trouble putting everything together and I'm slightly frustrated) I want to be reminded of how magical life can be.

I'm an avid football fan. When the Patriot's play, a whole new side of my personality explodes from my being. I throw pillows, jump out of my chair, and expletives slip through my lips. Until nine years ago, I didn't know I liked the sport. As a young girl, I was a cheerleader who had no idea what the cheer, "first and ten do it again" meant. I dated the captain of the football team who spent every Monday morning re-living the game as I pretended to listen, yet I had no idea how football was played.

Then I went to a professional game in the old Foxboro Stadium, and watched a young Tom Brady play his first game as quarterback. The team was down by two touchdowns and a field goal with only a quarter left to go. The fans had left and everyone had given up except for him. This young man refused to quit, running in touchdowns and playing with everything he had. The Patriot's came back to tie the Chargers in regular time and won in overtime. In that moment, something happened to me. I became a jersey-wearing fan who felt that my prayers could change the outcome of the game.

Since moving from Boston to California, seeing a game in the stadium has been impossible. Tickets are sold out months in advance. When I originally made my list I thought about wanting to see a game in the new Gillette Stadium, but it didn't make the cut. As I was watching a game this past October the longing returned. I went to my list and changed one of my dreams.

I thought it would be at least a year before I could make this dream come true, but once again magic happened. The day after I wrote down the dream, my mother had a vision of a convenience store and a Patriot's lottery ticket. She went in, bought the ticket, and won. The only problem was that the date of the game would be determined by the lottery, and I wasn't certain I could find a flight home.

It turned out that the universe was on my side. The game happened to land two days after Christmas, when I would be home for the holiday. I thought that I couldn't be luckier, but even more greatness came my way. It can be brutally cold in December. The stadium doesn't have much cover and wind-chill can reach the negative numbers on game day. As I entered the stadium, after the official tailgate party, the rain ended and the sun broke through the clouds. I stripped off my winter coat as I cheered on my team.

The Patriot's won that game by thirty points. I watched our wide receiver joke with the fans and the defense dance during time out. I wondered at how this could be happening. I asked to see a game and without my doing anything it came true.

That first game nine years ago, I saw Tom Brady believe he could win. Against the odds a sixth-round draft pick who only got to play because the regular quarterback was injured, took the first step to making his dream come true of becoming a Super Bowl MVP.

Many times we feel that life is against us. In truth, the guts to ask for what we want and the determination to never quit turns life into a magic hope chest.

Now, I await the magic when it comes to getting to S. America. Stay tuned to find out how I can make this all work.

The First Step is the Hardest

2010-01-11T16:15:00.000-08:00

875 Days to Complete 101 Dreams Come True

By nine a.m. this morning my skates were laced and I was stepping onto the rink. I love the first step onto clean ice before anyone else has made a mark on the glassy surface. My blades glide over the slippery surface as I do laps to warm-up. This is where I go full speed not worrying about intricate turns or posture. My muscles tighten as they awaken and I can feel whether I'm tired or energized for my workout. Tears run from my eyes as the cold air hits my face.

As I did these first laps, a woman my age stepped onto the rink and joined my coach. As she began her lesson I saw that she was a beginner just learning to cross one foot over the other and turn from forward to back. I watched as she struggled through her fear to try new steps.

I finished my laps and began practicing the new footwork I need to learn in order to make my dream come true of passing Senior Moves in the Field. I stood at the starting position and gave myself a pep-talk. These moves scare me. With each quick turn of the blade I can easily fall. I broke my hand when I first began to learn one of the patterns. I know two women who have broken their ankles doing these moves. I took a deep breath, walked through my fear and began to skate. I saw improvement with each pattern I completed. The moves weren't perfect, but suddenly I could do turns I'd never been able to do.

As I finished the steps I looked at the woman who was just starting to skate. A few years back I was in her position; every time I stepped onto the ice I froze in terror. I'm still afraid, but not of the things that once scared me - those are now easily done without thought. Instead I fear things more complicated than I ever dreamed I would accomplish.

I thought about my list of 101 Dreams Come True. I'm so afraid of going after them, but it starts with a step. Just one. I will fall, possibly fail at times. I will get frustrated and scared, but as long as I keep going I will achieve things I never thought possible.

Taking Time to Stop

2010-01-08T12:59:00.000-08:00

878 Days to Complete 101 Dreams Come True

The last month has been intense. Between the holiday revelry, travel home, crazy sleep patterns, the website needing to be rebuilt from scratch, and swirling emotions from every angle I was feeling a bit overwhelmed and tired. I thought that I would race to get caught up by working long hours, and then I would return to a normal schedule of skating, working, dancing, and enjoying life. At some point my body would catch up and the fatigue would go away. Ah, but my body had it's own idea. It decided, without asking my permission, that it would crash. I woke Thursday morning and I couldn't move. The flu hit me with a force that left me bedridden for two days.

Stopping isn't something I do well. I can enjoy the occasional day in bed watching television. I like going to the spa and reading books after taking a long sauna. But to lie in bed doing nothing but sleeping and staring at a screen for more than a few hours makes me feel like I'm wasting time. There are too many things I want to accomplish. There is a huge world of opportunities and adventures. I have work and skating goals. I miss salsa dancing. I want to ski. I miss my friends. There's just too much fun in life that I'm missing.

I've come to realize that without a strong body, I can't make my dreams come true. Rest is an important factor in mental and physical health. Stopping and taking time to go inward to settle the adrenaline speed that life can bring calms the mind and re-focuses emotions. Stepping away gives much needed rest.

When I hiked Half-Dome in Yosemite, I raced up the first half of the hike. By the time I reached the top of Nevada Falls I thought the possibility of making the summit was dismal. Then another hiker talked to me about pace. I hiked the rest of the way with ease as I listened to my breathing. I never pushed past the point of a comfortable pace. I need to learn to do this in life - to give myself permission to stop when I feel overwhelmed. If I don't, I'm never going to finish this journey. Maybe this journey isn't about pushing to complete a list of dreams, but taking each moment that comes with joy.

I've put some thought into removing the timer on my dreams, but I'm just not ready to do it yet.

A Year of Dreams in Perspective

2010-01-05T16:30:00.000-08:00

881 Days to Make 101 Dreams Come True

Today is January 5, 2010 and it's the first chance I've had to take the time to put 2009 into perspective. I'd planned to take time on the 31st to think about the past year and what I'd accomplished. Instead, I spent the day trying to figure out how to undo the damage done to my website when Google (my former host) moved my site. Not being techno savy I panicked. Six months of work looked destroyed and I had a good long cry over my baby being broken.

The wonder of this life is that what you believe is negative can lead you to greatness. Magic happened once I came to terms with the fact that the site would need to be re-designed from scratch. My friend created a new logo and found me a hosting company. I realized that I could create the site of my dreams in iWeb with ease. With one phone call to Machighway (the new host) I was up and running within an hour. Please check it out at www.101dreamscometrue.com. I'm really proud.

Now, I finally have the chance to catch my breath and think about 2009. I began this journey of making 101 dreams come true a year and a half ago. The beginning of 2009 didn't look promising for making dreams come true. I started off on crutches with a newly re-attached Achilles tendon and a long road to recovery. My heart ached as I mourned the loss of my grandfather. I couldn't skate, dance, or travel and my life revolved around trying to do daily chores on crutches and painful physical therapy.

What started off bleak turned into a year I'll never forget. I wrote all my dreams onto a dry-erase board and each day I hobbled into my office to read them. I was unable to work-out normally, but I found a way to do one-legged workouts, pull-ups, push-ups, arms, and abs all while staring at my list determined to stay in good shape so I could return to my active life.

The first dream came to me: to gather with people from different religions for a discussion of understanding. The SALAM center hosted a Monotheism class and I was able to come together with Jews, Christians, and Muslims who spoke about their faith from their hearts as we began to understand that all religions speak of the same thing - love, faith, and a way to face the harshness of life.

I'm in awe, as I think about the rest of 2009. My friend invited me to Cabo San Lucas and I sat on a beach reading books for a week. I saw Budapest and visited friends in Vienna. I lived in Florence for one month and ate scrumptious food while taking in the countryside. I skated in a World recreational skating event just one month after being cleared to skate and won in my category. I tested to a higher level in skating. I was able to lift a friend up and be there in her hour of need. I bought a new car, renovated my house, saw the Mayan Ruins, visited Massachusetts twice, met more incredible friends, drank wine in Napa, saw four fantastic concerts, and went to the symphony twice. I've danced up a storm, visited San Diego, and went to New York and met my agent for the first time. I've experienced great passion and lust (you know the kind you can't deny). I even re-connected with a friend from grade school who's now become my pen pal. I participated in hosting Ramadan at my Catholic church. I took photography classes and got to see a Patriot's game in Gillette stadium. Somehow, I also found time to break my hand and rehabilitate that injury as well.

The year brought the chance to inspire others to go after their dreams. I began teaching free seminars and I created meditations to help others to use their minds to go after their dreams. Somehow, without being techno savy, I created a website twice.

Yes, it was an amazing year. At times there was great pain, emotionally and physically, but the good outweighed the bad by a hundred fold.

I'm looking forward to 2010. I can't wait to see what I can accomplish on my list. If I have any advice for you, my reader, make a list of your 101 dreams come true. Go after it with everything you have. Dreams really do come true.

Are We Hardwired for Misery? A New Year's Resolution

2009-12-30T16:53:00.000-08:00

887 Days to Complete 101 Dreams Come True

During my holiday vacation, I returned to my grandmother's house to find my mother broken-hearted and near tears. Unfortunately, during this holiday season, I knew this moment would come. I had hoped that this visit we would be spared this particular holiday tradition, but alas no such luck. Family drama struck its deadly blow right across my mother's cheek and ricocheted to slap me in the face with its mighty swing. Another trip home where my mother and I curled together in the sadness of our loss.

Without going into details, the drama's outcome was that I didn't see my niece's angelic smile that lights my world with giggles. Her silly stories weren't told while she sat on my lap. I didn't get to see her eyes sparkle when she opened the pendant I bought her.

It didn't have to be this way, but it was.

It made me think about how much time people spend harboring stupid vendettas, re-telling how they've been hurt, and living the pain of the past. As I walked through stores and stopped at the coffee shop, I saw the stress in people's faces. While visiting friends, I heard the stories of heartache experienced during the year. I turned on the television to the news broadcasting world horrors.

Why is life painful and why do we harbor the hurt? Are we hard-wired to seek negativity?

As I retold the family drama, venting my frustration and hurt over and over to anyone who would listen, I pondered the fact that I was letting this stress overtake my vacation. It shadowed my holiday spirit. I carried the torch of someone's drama and gave it power. No matter how much I wanted to stop, I didn't seem able.

It was supposed to be the season of peace and love - a time of forgiveness and the celebration of family and friendship. Yet for many it was filled with stress, drama, and life falling short of expectations. Why?

I don't have answers. I'm beginning to lose my faith that mankind is filled with goodness. I'm beginning to believe that people enjoy their drama more than happiness.

I don't want to be one of these people. I want to love life with every cell in my body. I want to cherish all that is good from the crunchy white snow on the ground to the yummy peppermint hot chocolate I'm drinking while writing this.

I've realized this journey of going after my 101 dreams come true is more about learning to live from joy, fascination, and wonder than it is about accomplishing a list of dreams. This journey is about changing my hard-wiring to focus on happiness instead of misery. I think I might have a long way to go before I stop getting caught in the updraft of the soap operas around me, but this year its my New Year's resolution.

Stilling the Inner Worrier

2009-12-22T06:46:00.000-08:00

895 Days to Complete 101 Dreams Come True

I woke early this morning to the sound of my grandmother's alarm. I rolled over on the air mattress in my mom's office and covered my head. Jet-lag hit hard. I had planned on sleeping late. It's Tuesday and last Thursday was the last time I had a full night's sleep. As I lay in bed trying to go back to sleep my head whirred with noise. Not the outer: my grandmother walking to the kitchen or the heating vent crackling as hot water ran through, but the inner junk noise that's a constant companion.

I'm sure you know the voice. The one that never shuts up. It makes to-do lists and causes worry that there isn't enough time. It logs the problems of life and complains about the injustices. It swings from anxiety to sadness then tries to boost itself with an unrealistic idea of what life should be. Fun stuff.

As I sat listening to its familiar garble I stepped back and realized that it was almost separate from me. This voice that seems to be an authority on why things are wrong never talks about what is right. Who really is this voice? Eckhart Tolle in A New Earth calls it the ego - the ever present complainer and seeker of misfortune.

I'm really bored with this ego and I'd like it to shut-up.

I stood and looked out the window at the backyard covered in white powder, the bare trees decorated with bright-colored birdhouses, and to the sun rising behind my grandfather's maple sugar shack. I took a deep breath and centered my mind to the present. The noise of the ego tried to fight, but as I took in the beauty of the backyard it's voice deadened. I thought to the symphony I went to on Saturday night. The memory of the clear sound of the chorus singing, "Alleluia" vibrated my body. The concert tickets had been a surprise Christmas gift along with two beautiful lenses for my camera.

I can't control everything, I thought. Life will never be exactly what I expect it to be and all the planning in the world won't cause less missteps or pain. But letting go and enjoying every moment, being present without expectations of what life will bring, will free me of the worry that I create. The anxiety I make for myself doesn't solve any problems. And if I plan every detail of what I want, then I leave out room for the wonderful surprises such as seeing a symphony I didn't even know I wanted to see.

I have my dreams that I will actively pursue, but if I allow life to unfold without making more muck for myself then I get to spend more time enjoying the beauty of what is happening instead of crying about what I wish was taking place or worrying what might hurt me.

If only this process was easy. Why were we born with egos?

At least I can give it a try.

Will This Mind of Mine Just Shut Up

2009-12-18T10:01:00.000-08:00

899 Days to Complete 101 Dreams Come True

Have you ever had the problem that your spirit feels right about something but your head just talks a bunch of poo? I believe my head, or at least the part in the back right quadrant is getting in my way!

The spirit and gut says, that going after my dreams is the right thing to do. That making all of this public can inspire people. It screams to have fun, don't stress, and allow this journey to unfold in the most joyous way possible.

The back quadrant is throwing a tantrum. It nags all the time causing worry and stress. It reminds me that I'm thirty-six and that I could be making the biggest mistake of my life. It tells me that I'm going to fail and that I can never accomplish all these dreams. I'm never going to get a book deal. No one is going to care about this website or this journey. I won't find the money to travel all over the world. I'm going to go broke if I stop worrying and just enjoy life. I will never have kids if I do this. I'm going to end up alone.

Who is this voice and how do I stomp her out?

I know she might be right. But I don't care. I want this. I want to take this journey and go after my dreams without the nagging voice. I want to crush my fears and say, "You're not allowed. Get out of my party." I want to stop seeing what could go wrong and focus on what has already gone right. I want to open my heart and trust in a higher power. I want to be present in the moment, whatever that moment is.

But how?

The Gift of Solo Travel

2009-12-16T09:57:00.000-08:00

901 Days to Complete 101 Dreams

Last night a friend said to me, "I pulled a Marci. I had a free weekend at a resort and didn't have anyone to go with so I went alone and had the best time."

I love that she called it, "pulling a Marci".

It's true. I've traveled the world by myself. I've sat alone in the Piazza Signora in Florence eating decadent chocolate while reading a book as lovers strolled by arm and arm. I've stood at Jungfraujoch, the top of Europe, staring at the Swiss Alps with my arms raised out like I could fly. In Paris I walked solo through the Louvre taking the time I desired with each painting. In Kauai, I hiked through the jungles, sailed on a catamaran, snorkeled, and boogie-boarded. Africa was the most remarkable as I traveled through three countries drinking wines in South Africa, rafting the Zambezi, riding in dug-out canoes, and exploring the earth on walking safaris. One of the greatest vacations was a month in Palm Springs where I went to restore my spirit and write while relaxing every day in the Marriott's spa. It isn't strange for me to get in my car and take off in a direction with no idea where I will end up.

If I add up all the weeks I have traveled solo, it would be close to 3/4 of a year's time.

During most of these solo excursions I wasn't single. People would always remark, "You're boyfriend will let you be away that long?"

My response, "No one let's me do anything. I choose how I live my life and I don't come to a relationship without explaining that solo travel is a part of who I am." Many men have found my independence sexy. Some have had difficulties with me being away for long periods of time, but in the end, I need solo travel.

It was hard when I first started to see the world solo. I was afraid. Most of the time I didn't know the language. Loneliness smacked me in the face as fatigue would set in and I only had me to rely on. Nights were always the most difficult as I watched couples in fancy restaurants enjoying dinner while laughing.

But solo travel gave me the gift of myself. I found courage as I problem-solved my way out of glitches, such as accidentally booking a brothel instead of a hotel my first night in Paris. I came to enjoy fancy dinners for one as I took the time to eat at my pace; I savored the taste of the food, took in the ambiance of the restaurant, and enjoyed a good book.

I fear the world less. I've made friends who have shared their countries with me. I trust my instincts more and worry less when trip-ups happen in life.

When you travel with friends you're always keeping time or waiting for someone. You have to check in with what others want. This is fine, and sharing experiences is spectacular. Don't get me wrong, I love to travel with my friends and my partner, but it's a different experience.

The greatest gift of solo travel, is the time to take care of myself and not worry about anyone else. I get to spoil myself and do exactly what I feel like without needing to check in with anyone else. If I want to read till one in the morning and then sleep till eleven I can. If I want to dance till the wee hours I do.

I also believe that when you travel alone you are more aware of your surroundings, therefor you experience life in high definition.

I dare you to try it if you haven't before. Take off for a weekend. Go someplace you've always wanted to see. Or just go to a town filled with fun things to do. Spoil yourself rotten. Sit on a beach by yourself and listen to your own thoughts. It might be the greatest experience of your life.

The True Gift of Friendship

2009-12-15T13:09:00.000-08:00

902 Days to Make 101 Dreams Come True

It's been a crazy few weeks. I'm sure most people can relate. Between trying to enjoy every special moment of the holiday season, to dealing with inner demons, the emotional ride has spun, flipped, and dropped making my stomach uneasy. In the end, I was given the greatest gift I could receive - knowing I'm loved not for what I give to others, but for who I am.

By sharing my feelings of being a doormat, a friend who was dealing with her own stuff, turned to me and held out her hand. She saw that I gave more than I had and explained that loving her doesn't mean I have to make her problems disappear. She really looked at me. I have a tendency to hide my fears, anxieties, and worries. I dance through life keeping an upbeat attitude, but it doesn't mean there isn't a storm inside. Because of this, people believe that I don't need help.

I have a history of giving the world to people. I was once called Julie, the social director from the Love Boat. I made everyone's lives fun and exciting. I was there to talk in their times of stress. When I had to back off from being the social, bubbly director, people turned and attacked.

In going after making my 101 dreams come true, I asked to find a group of positive people who loved to get the most out of life. This week, I've realized that my dream really did come true. I'm surrounded by people who have supported me in learning that it's not what I do for them that makes them love me, but it's who I am. I don't always have to be the cheerleader, I can fall apart.

Out of all the dreams that could come true, I believe this is my favorite. Thank you Jasmin, you really are a great gift in my life. And thank you to David, Todd, Kelli, Jim, Mignon, Dave, Leann, my mom, and all the others in my life who were there for me as I fell apart. I'm truly blessed.

Now it's time to get back to making this list of dreams come true. Onward to planning S. America. Two more weeks till I get to go to Gillette Stadium for a Patriot's game. Can I put in a wish for them to win too?

Aligning Your Dreams With Your Actions

2009-12-08T12:18:00.000-08:00

909 Days Left to Complete My List of Dreams

The thing about saying that I'm no longer a doormat (check yesterday's post) is that I have to take responsibility for my part in the situation. Eleanor Roosevelt said, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."

What I've realized is that if I want to change how things happen in my life and how people treat me, then I need to stop saying, "Come to me with all your problems and I will be here asking nothing in return." Life and people will treat me the way I allow them to.

My focus needs to be on making my dreams come true. By putting my attention on everyone's worries and fears and trying to make their lives better I'm pushing my needs to the sidelines. It's like saying that I want to lose weight while eating three brownies with ice cream. Or declaring that I want to travel the world, but refusing to get on an airplane.

Our actions don't always align with our dreams. What we want becomes out of sync with our lives when we won't look at our fear. I feared the loss of those I loved, not being liked, and ending up alone. The idea that I might hurt someone's feelings would break me. So I gave more than I had to give. I forgave more than I should have and allowed myself to be walked all over.

When I face the fears within they become smaller. It's not easy; it's quite hard. In the end I have one life to live. Will I spend it taking care of others or will I learn to take care of myself?

The only way to be truly self-less is to first be selfish. I'm not certain who said this, but it rings true.

Everyone has dreams. Those that accomplish them put actions, thoughts, and energy towards their goals. Where are you putting your action today?

The End of Being a Doormat

2009-12-07T15:14:00.000-08:00

910 Days to Complete My List of Dreams

I've always seen the best in people. When someone is hurting, my hand extends believing they simply need love. I have tried to face all conflicts keeping the other person's feelings in my heart and mind. I have given until exhaustion and it takes a tremendous amount to push me to anger.

But since I've started this journey something is beginning to change; what I once believed was strength is beginning to look like weakness.

I've realized I let people walk all over me. For example, last year a friend's jealous girlfriend called me on a regular basis to tell me everything she thought of me and it wasn't nice. She then spread hurtful rumors (I've realized the seventh grade never ends). Instead of telling her to stick it where the sun don't shine I tried to make her feel better. After they broke up she told me how she cursed me everyday upon waking and prayed for my life to be hell. She still believes that I'm the reason she's unhappy even though I was always kind to her.

I wish this was an isolated experience, but it isn't. Jealousy has been an emotion that others have thrown at me throughout my life.

All summer my energy went to friends and their dramas. I couldn't enjoy the beautiful life I'd created because I was surrounded by people dumping their pain and depression. For the most part I felt drowned by those I loved.

I ponder the time that has passed as I have listened to people's problems and insecurities, lifting them up out of their sadness, taking care of them in their hour of need, only to have them turn and hurt me. Sucker must be written on my forehead. I will lend a hand to anyyone, but what I'm realizing is that people don't want to rise to happiness they want someone to blame for their own insecurities and problems.

I don't have time for the Eeyores of the world right now. I have 910 days to complete over sixty of my dreams. So when someone throws their bad mood at me or their problems and then walks away leaving me carrying their hurt I'm no longer taking it. I'm telling them that it isn't fair and that I can't help them at this time. This is something very new for me. I've realized I've been a doormat for most of my life - treat me however you wish and I will take it and only give you love in return.

That me is gone. I hope. Okay find the strength again.....say it with gusto....that me is gone. I deserve better in life than people who consistently come to me for the lift and then leave me exhausted. I deserve to keep my energy for my life. I deserve my own happiness and to stop carrying the sadness of others. I am responsible for my life and emotions.

The response to me saying, 'no' hasn't been positive.

But how much more of my life will I waste taking care of those who should be taking care of themselves? It's time to put that energy to more positive endeavors.

Learning to Stop

2009-12-04T20:22:00.000-08:00

913 Days to Complete My List of Dreams

For the last few days I've wanted to curl under my blankets and not come out. Exhaustion has hit me hard along with the blues.

This is a hard thing to face. I have an amazing life. I get to wake up and go figure skating while being surrounded by people I admire and love. I get to come home and work on going after my dreams. I trade massages with my girlfriend every week. I go dancing and my life is filled with fun that sometimes there isn't time to rest.

Aah! There in itself is the problem. This journey of going after my dreams is intense. In the last two months I have bought a new car, taken a figure skating test (which is stressful as you perform in front of judges and a crowd), have traveled every few weeks, and have tried to learn about the internet and marketing. I'm awaiting news on a book deal which is a roller coaster ride of emotions.

Then I look at the last year. Today is the one year anniversary of my Achille's tendon surgery. The long, painful road to recovery was grueling, but since recovering I have made over ten of my dreams come true. There hasn't been much time to stop.

I once asked someone why they didn't go after their dreams and they responded, "It takes too much energy to go past the fear of failure or disappointment." I will attest that going after your dreams is really about walking through your fear, doubt, and the little voice that says, "Who are you to have this?".

Beyond the intensity has been a bigger problem. I'm a chronic giver. Someone needs something and before I can even let my brain think if this is something I can do I offer to give it to them, or to fix it for them. I want to make everyone's life easier and I will put myself last each and every time.

As I was riding my bike on Thanksgiving Day I was enjoying the trees, the beautiful river, the glorious sunny day, and then I started to fall apart. I began to realize how many people had dumped their problems on me in the last few months. I thought to myself, if one more person needs me I'm going to lose it. It was at this moment that I realized I was overwhelmed and tired. I needed a soft, safe place to land, but only had me to rely on.

A friend did help me that weekend, but it was to find the strength to tell another friend that I couldn't be there for her in the way she needed. Guilt hit me and took me to a bad place inside. I felt unworthy of all the greatness that had come to me. I felt selfish and horrible. It broke me apart inside.

A week later, I'm still coming to terms with the person who put herself first. It's not something I'm accustomed to doing. I've realized that giving the shirt off my back in the freezing cold to someone else just leaves me freezing.

I can only give what I can and nothing more. I'm not super-human. I don't have limitless energy unless I take the time to care for myself. Stopping is important even when I have to stop going after all that I desire if it means I'm pushing too hard.

So I know on this journey there will be times when I must stop. I know that I will have to walk away and say it's time for a break from pushing through fears and doubts. But am I really capable of stopping or putting myself first?

I guess I'll find out as I take this journey.

It's Never Too Late to Make Your Dreams Happen

2009-12-01T17:11:00.000-08:00

916 Days to Make My Dreams Happen

We are a nation focused on youth. We believe we must be successful early in life. We push our young to peak in sports by the time they're teenagers and we're amazed when a man or women in their thirties still competes professionally. We think we must accomplish everything before thirty. When that doesn't happen we try to complete our lists by forty. It seems that if we've come to a certain age and haven't accomplished our dreams the chance has passed never to return. I've heard the comment, "Well I used to dream about doing things, but then life happened and I grew up."

People are constantly trying to push back the clock with serums, plastic surgery, and supplements. They're so afraid of aging. Part of the reason is the change in their appearance, but I believe it's more about the dreams that have been unrealized. By a certain age they expected to be in a place in their lives, and when it didn't happen they try to grab more time.

It's never too late to realize a dream. Maybe it won't look the same. I'm never going to go to the Olympics to compete in skating. Sure, I could try by pushing my body for five hours per day on the ice six days per week, but for me it's not worth it. The fact that I get to step onto the ice and live my passion is life fulfilling.

Recently, at a world recreational skating competition, I had the chance to meet an eighty-four-year-old skater. This woman amazed the crowd. She competed in over five events doing programs from one to two minutes in length. Programs aren't easy. To skate consistently for two minutes makes a young girl breath heavy. This woman jumped, spun, and did spirals. When I spoke with her she said, "You either move or you die. I do what I love and that keeps me young. Age is all in your mind no matter what you look like on the outside."

So with that said, I hope this video inspires you to go after life with gusto - to move towards your dreams without thought to age. My friend recorded this video from the stands and it's hard to see but this woman was twirling batons while skating. www.youtube.com/watch?v=GdcPbTWsqZc

Gratitude for a Trash Bin

2009-11-24T08:34:00.000-08:00

923 Days to Complete My List of Dreams

I had a moment yesterday when I was grateful for a recycling bin. I know it sounds crazy, but as I gathered my mail and placed the overflowing pile of flyers into the bin, I realized how lucky I was to have a home. This was my recycling bin where I could place my trash and someone would take it away. I looked down at the envelopes in my hand, and though there was a bill for my health insurance premium, a sense of gratitude flooded my stomach as I realized that I had the money to pay it. I stared at my house, this place that gave me a sense of security, and it felt like a hug around my body.

Someone I know is sad today, broken without the strength to move forward. Everyone knows the darkness of pain when tragedy happens and how deep it can hurt. Today I'm grateful that I can notice the beautiful trees brilliant with color, for my warm comfortable bed, and my fluffy down comforters. I'm grateful for friends and family, for my cat curled against me. I'm grateful that I can give my friend a safe place to land.

There are many moments on this journey when I wonder how I'm going to accomplish everything I desire. I focus on my goals, and I take the steps to achieve my dreams. I get scared and frustrated as I worry about failure. Sometimes I forget to be grateful that I'm in a position to at least try for everything I want. Many people are in survival mode.

Hug someone today. Pay attention to the little details of this amazing world. Tell the people in your life you love them. Realize your abundance. It's easy to complain about the things we wish were different, but it just makes us miserable. There is enough real pain in the world and horrendous heartache. Don't let the small stuff stop you from realizing how amazing your life is right now.

Onto the Next Dream

2009-11-20T16:24:00.000-08:00

927 Days Left to Complete My List of Dreams

There's a big smile beginning to form on my face. My heart is fluttering and I feel like I'm falling in love with what might happen. Okay, so I'm being really cheesy, but sometimes I get bored being straight forward. If I could write this blog like mini short stories that could whisk you away from daily life with scenes and sensations I would. Unfortunately, I'm too much of a perfectionist when it comes to my fiction writing that it would take all day and sometimes a week to weave a story and I would never get anything else done. I promise in the future that I will surprise you with tales of adventure that read like fiction. It will be like my blog fantasy line.

Back to today and why I'm excited. I'm starting to plan my trip to S. America. This afternoon I received an email from a rafting and kayaking company in Chile. They're outlining an amazing ten day camping itinerary that includes rafting, kayaking, camping, hiking, mountain biking, and horseback riding. The best part, they are almost half the price of the other companies I've contacted. Woo Hoo!

I can already see the aqua water of the Futaleufu. I can feel the rush of the powerful rapids as we punch through holes. To see one of the most pristine rivers left on earth is the trip of my dreams. Many more things will have to come together and I will need to do all of it in the next month. I'm hoping that I can make this a two month trip throughout S. America. I want to hike the Inca trail, see the Galapagos, the Amazon, Igaussu falls, dance the Tango in Argentina ( I better start taking Tango lessons), visit my friends in Columbia, and hang glide and scuba dive in Rio de Janeiro. Everything will need to be planned and finances arranged within the next month. I don't know how it's going to happen, I just believe that it will.

The first part is falling into place. Now I just have to wait to see how the rest unfolds.

Without a Plan

2009-11-19T11:43:00.000-08:00

928 Days to Complete My List of Dreams

I'm a planner. I like to know where I'm going and how I'm going to get there. I make lists and goals and steps to complete them.

But life never works out the way I plan.

If I really look at what I had intended for this stage of my life I would be married with children and living in a little house on a lake. But that didn't happen. Instead, I'm taking time to live for myself. I'm going after everything I desire. I'm spoiling myself and having fun. I've come to realize that in the past I squashed the tiny voice inside me that was trying to yell that I wanted time for me first. I listened to society instead of my heart.

I look at this list of dreams and I don't know how I'm going to accomplish any of it. Every day, I worry that I'm making a big mistake, but so many things have come to me in unexpected ways that I can't stop. It seems that when I decide to move in the direction of my dreams, a path, which I didn't know existed, opens up.

The cool thing about not having a plan, is that it's like having Christmas every day. I never know what surprise will happen or what idea will come to me, or who I will meet that will bring my dreams one step closer. I just have to keep walking through my fear and saying, "I can do this."

I believe that unhappiness comes from squashing the tiny voice inside that wants to get big. Many times it's suppressed because we're too afraid to listen. Then we wonder why our lives are stuck. If we let the inner voice speak, what we really want begins to manifest in our lives.

Staying True to Yourself

2009-11-17T13:43:00.000-08:00

930 Days to Complete My List of Dreams

Before I made this list of dreams I spent most of my time trying to please others. I felt joy and love when my friends and family were happy. When I began to live for myself things changed for many people. I wasn't as available to fulfill their lives. I was still willing to be there for a friend whenever they needed me, but my focus turned more internal. As I achieved my dreams and began to live a life that over-flowed, there were people who judged me: I've been told that I'm selfish for the way I live my life; that I'm too outgoing; my long-time friend told me that she no longer respected my life. My relationship failed because he wanted me to be someone who stayed close to home. By going after my dreams I have lost many people and it stings my heart.

What's strange is that I tried to bring these friends along for the ride. I asked them to salsa dance or go skating. I shared my dreams and asked them to join me on my travels. Some friends cheered me on and asked to join. Others saw only what they would lose or their jealousy. If they would listen they would know that this journey isn't easy. I get scared, and for once I need the support from my loved ones.

In the end I can only be me. The person I want to be right now is the one that's willing to settle for nothing less than magnificence in her life. I'm proud of myself and this journey and I won't change for anyone. If someone really loves a person, shouldn't they want them to have everything they desire?

The Good Life

2009-11-13T18:18:00.000-08:00

934 Days to make 101 Dreams Come True

When I think about my life, I see all the things that I want to make happen. Every day I imagine what it would be like to sign a book contract with a major publisher. I can envision myself traveling the world: seeing the Mountain Gorillas, diving the Maldives, and dancing the Tango in Beunos Aires. It's great to think about the wonders that I hope to experience, but it doesn't stop me from being present.

It would be easy to keep my mind in the future and feel that when the list is done then my life will be complete. This list of dreams isn't a way for me to be happy. It was at one time, but going after my list of dreams has opened me up to decadent way of living. Today I traded massages with one of my best friends. I got to skate. Tonight I'll meet with friends for karaoke, and last night I went salsa dancing. I plan on sinking into a bubble bath before I go out.

I know if you're a parent of young children, and you're taking the time to read this, you're laughing saying that it's because I'm single without kids that I get this life. You have something dear and special - these little joyful people in your life that want to play and have fun. Everyone has decadence right now. Even someone who doesn't have a home still can find a beautiful park to walk in.

It's easy to focus on what we don't have and to be jealous of others. When you look at what you do have, when you get excited about what's already right in front of you, then life becomes good. If you focus on the anger and stress and the 'woe is me' that's what you'll get. If you focus on the joy, it begins right in that moment.

Tomorrow I go after a skating test on my way to completing my dream of reaching senior level. I can choose to stress about what might go wrong, or I can be joyful that I get the chance to take it. Life is a mindset. You have the free-will to choose what you focus on.

Hard Work Pays Off

2009-11-12T16:43:00.000-08:00

935 Days to make 101 Dreams Come True

The sun is setting outside my office window and the yellowing birch trees look the color of sparkling gold. Another day is passing into night and I wonder at my life and the 101 dreams I want to come true.

Today I went skating and practiced for my test on Saturday. One of my dreams is to complete a series of skating tests to the senior level. The senior level is what you see at the Olympics. I won't be trying for triple jumps, but I will be trying to have the edge quality and grace of the actual skating (time spent moving around the rink). To test, I must go in front of certified judges and complete specific skating patterns with speed and power. As I practiced I noticed that my stamina and strength have increased by going after this dream.

I think in this era of ideas like The Secret and our 'need it now' mentality, we forget how great it feels to work hard; to have a goal and go after it no matter what gets in our way. I've fallen on my butt many times trying to learn these patterns. I've even broken my hand, but as I skated today I felt deep pride in not letting those falls get in my way.

It's great when something comes easy. When those miracles happen....like my mom winning lottery tickets that will allow me to go after my dream of seeing the Patriot's at their home stadium. But it's even more rewarding when I've fought and worked hard to make something happen.

We want things now and we want them to be easy, but hard work makes us grow. And today, I'm really proud of how going after this list of 101 dreams has changed me: I'm stronger mentally; I've learned about technology; I've pushed through fear; and I'm happy to say, "This is me and I like myself."

Don't shy away from something that's scary or hard. It might just lead you to everything you want.

How am I going to do this?

2009-11-11T10:13:00.000-08:00

936 days left to complete my list of dreams

I was looking at my list today and realizing that I need to get moving. Last year, without even trying, I checked off four big dreams in the first three months. This year I've only accomplished three small ones in five and a half months. At this rate, I'll never complete my list in the remaining time.

One good thing did happen that might move me towards one of my dreams. I'm a huge Patriot's fan and one of my dreams is to go to Gillette stadium to watch a game. Tickets have been impossible to get since they won their first Super Bowl. Plus, I live three thousand miles away. My mom called me last week and told me that she'd won Patriot's tickets in the lottery. Now my mom doesn't like football. She has no desire to go to a game, but she walked into the convenience store to buy a scratch ticket and something told her to buy a Patriot's lottery ticket. She won two tickets to the game, free parking, entrance to the official tailgate, and fifty dollars. My cousin has turned the ticket in and I'm awaiting news of when I will need to fly home. So maybe magic is still working in my favor when it comes to the list. What were the chances of my mom winning these tickets?

But I'm trying to figure out how to make the rest of my dreams come true.

I'm a fiction writer. I have an agent in New York who's trying to sell my first novel. That dream is completely out of my control, but at least it's moving forward. The dream of having my book made into a movie in the next two and a half years seems impossible, but I will keep hoping.

I'm taking a skating test this Saturday which will move me one step closer to passing my Senior Moves. The next three tests will push me harder than I've ever skated, and I will have to move through a lot of fear to complete this dream within two and a half years.

Then there's the travel part. It will take almost forty weeks to see all the places I want to see. I wonder if I shouldn't leave behind my life, rent out my house, and go on a round the world trip. It would be the fastest way, but I would be away from my home life, which I love, for a long time. If I give up almost a year of skating, I might not be able to pass my tests. Plus, I will have to figure out the financial aspect. This trip doesn't consist of sleeping in hostels. I want to do some very expensive traveling: seeing Mt. Gorillas, Polar Bears, and rafting the Futaleufu in Chile.

So if you think for one moment that I'm a rich girl going after her dreams with a large bank roll, think again. I'm average. Just like you, working to make a living. I just want so much for my life and I'm going to find a way. It has to be there or else why would this drive to complete my list be so strong?

So I will be brave today and figure out which dream to go after next. I will put doubt aside and say, "This is mine."

Motivation vs. Joy

2009-11-10T14:01:00.000-08:00

937 Days to Complete 101 Dreams

Today I went to a social network meeting to try to learn about this web stuff. When I made this list of dreams I didn't plan on putting it up for the world to see. I'm a technology....hmmmm how do I put it......I'm not incapable, I just hate being bothered. If I'm on my computer I want to be writing, not dealing with codes, marketing, and uploading. Yuck! The good news....I might have found someone to help me.

I was planning on leaving when a motivational speaker joined us and his presentation got me thinking.

I liken motivational speakers to that of a triple shot of espresso. They stand in front of their audience, speaking quickly and with zeal much like Evangelist priests. They have tricks, little exercises that make you see the power of positive thinking with your own eyes. They list off their impressive resumes, and always tell you the sob story of what they've overcome. Like advertisements on television, that make you long for a better, richer, fuller life, they are hoping to sell you their secrets. You dish out the cash and return home excited for your new life to begin. You make lists of what you will accomplish: better health, more cash, stronger relationships, and brighter career.

For a small percentage of type A personalities these techniques work, but for many, just like with the latest fad diet, the program fails within weeks. The caffeine-like adrenaline high wears off and the slump occurs. Time passes. Life doesn't change. You feel like sludge as you believe that you are incapable of accomplishing anything since you failed this program. Then another seminar, book, or program comes along and you find yourself back looking for the next magic key.

Just as diets don't work long term, neither does motivation. Maybe because it's exhausting. You have to constantly push yourself and maintain a high energy level. I was once a very motivated person, and I was always stressed. It wasn't until I made my list of 101 dreams that I found the power of joy.

I love to skate. I can't wait to do it. I'll do off-ice training so that I can skate for longer periods of time. I can salsa dance all night. There was a time I spent hours in the gym beating my body into submission. I hated every minute and couldn't wait for it to be over. Now, I'm sad when I have to leave the ice or the dance floor due to exhaustion.

When we do the things we love, when we look for joy in our lives, a natural energy occurs. Kind of like the stamina and health that comes from eating and sleeping well vs. caffeine. When we look forward to enjoying our passions we are more fulfilled.

There's a life waiting for you. The best way to find it isn't motivation, but meditation. When you go inside you'll find what really brings you joy, and you won't need caffeine to achieve it - you'll have true excitement. Think about the last vacation you went on. You didn't need to be motivated to go - you were excited. Find what makes you excited. That's the true key to living a good life.

The Beginning

2009-11-08T15:27:00.000-08:00

939 Days to complete my list of dreams.

So there it is - the countdown clock. It's the first time I see how much time I have to reach my goal of completing 101 dreams by June 4, 2012. To see the seconds clicking by makes my stomach a little queasy. As I look at the list of dreams it seems impossible. How will I ever accomplish this in a little over 900 days. But I'm getting ahead of myself. You don't know me or the story behind this journey.

It was June of 2008, a week after my birthday, and I was in Sonoma, California vacationing by myself. It sounds fantastic, right? Stretches of vineyards glistening in the sun surrounded by hills of oaks. Wonderful food and wine to taste. A romantic setting to share with someone you love.

Except I was dealing with a broken heart. Without boring you with the sad details, lets just say I was going through a messy break-up. On top of that, I had recently sat by my brother's bed as he lay in a coma fighting for his life. He'd recently had emergency open-heart surgery from contracting MRSA (penicillin resistant Staph). Gratefully, he lived, but the stress caused a fight between my mother and sister-in-law and my family was torn apart.

I felt like my insides were a punching bag in a kick-boxing class.

To lift myself, I sat in the park writing down all the wonderful things I had accomplished in the last eight years. I've always made lists. Things I need to do. Places I want to see. Goals and achievements.
As I wrote down my achieved dreams a smile began to appear. I had forgotten what it felt like to have my cheeks pudge as my eyes crinkled. I wondered if the muscles in my face were weak after so many months without that movement.

The happiness grew and I started thinking about what I wanted for the future. The last six months, pain and fear controlled my life. I was tired of mere survival. I wanted to feel that I held my destiny in my hands. A list began to grow and when I was done I had added eighty new dreams to my completed twenty-one. I sat back overwhelmed by everything I desired. I added one more....to laugh so hard with a stranger my stomach hurt. I couldn't remember the last time I had laughed.

I folded the piece of paper and put it away. Who was I to think I could have everything I wanted? I went on feeling sorry for myself and praying that someday the pain would end.

As I returned to the hotel, the concierge invited me to have a drink with two other guests. That's when the magic happened. After a few glasses of wine, a woman brought up poop, yes, poop, and told the concierge what her poop should look like to ensure good health. The concierge looked at the woman and said, "You're telling me I'm supposed to turn around and look in the toilet at that smelly s@%t! You've got to be kidding me. I don't have time to turn around and ask, 'hey how you doing today?'."

Between the look of bewilderment on her face and the sound of her voice I burst out laughing. She continued asking questions, wondering if people really did this. Tears dripped down my cheeks, my nose ran, my face cramped, and my stomach knotted with laughter.

That night, I looked at the list of dreams. What was the chance this dream would come true so quickly? What if I could accomplish all of them?

In the following weeks my life transformed. I began to salsa dance. I thought that hiking half-dome and camping in Yosemite that summer would be impossible since I needed a camping reservation six months in advance. Two weeks later, I received an invitation to go camping and hiking in Yosemite. It seemed every week a dream would come to me. Where I had been lonely and without close friends, a whole community opened. Within the first year I had checked off sixteen of my dreams - almost as many as I had accomplished in my life.

That's when I decided to pursue this list with everything I had and to share my journey. I'm a private person. I once loved the fact that I could Google my name without any hits. But this journey has been extraordinary, and I hope it can inspire others to go after their dreams.

Maybe life is supposed to be miraculous even in the midst of pain. Maybe we're meant to have everything we want. I guess I'm willing to find out. I have sixty-four more dreams to complete. I have no idea how I'm going to do it, but today I place a counter on my goal. I'm hoping four years after I made the list that I will have completed it. Cross your fingers, pull up a chair, and see if I succeed.